Naruto: Vengeance Revelations
by el-Jimmeister
Summary: Reposting this, since I have gotten locked out of my old account. Yep, that infamous fanfic, which has since been deleted from FFN. I'm going to challenge myself to translate it into more intelligible English. Please do remember that none of the original author's beliefs reflect my own. Contains sarcasm and lampshading of the absurdity of the original version.
1. Chapter 1: New Power

Jimmy's Notes:

DISCLAIMER: I am NOT the writer of this fanfic! (Jake Tanner is, although a guy who goes by the name SoSugoi on DeviantArt had already confessed to being the troll who wrote this masterpiece.) I'm just translating the original gibberish into more intelligible speech. I decided to do the third flavor of the NVR Challenges; the rules of which I have posted on the repost of the original fanfic, which is on 'narutoveangancerevelaitons' in blogspot.

The translation is also a mix of sarcasm, commentary, and lampshading, and of course, none of the beliefs presented in this fanfic are in conformity with mine. I didn't really translate it as faithfully so that I can insert my rather sardonic comments between the lines. Since I got locked out of my Monica Gilbey-Bieber account because I had forgotten the passwords to the account itself and the silly e-mail I have used to create it, I am gonna repost this fic on this new account. Besides, I have already updated it since then, and the first version of this fic on here stopped abruptly at chapter 5.

...Dammit. I'm still seeing errors despite my endeavor to beta-read this thing.

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 _Okay, so this is a story I just wrote. It's in the world of NARUTO, so I hope you guys like it, okay?_

 _AN: There's no dudes fucking because that is fucking gross. I'm not a fucking yaoi faggot. Sheesh._

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 **NARUTO: Vengeance Revelations**

 **CHAPTER ONE: New Power**

It was five days after I left my home for the village of Konohagakure, and when I got there, I met a girl who was really hot. Her name was Sakura. I also met her friends: Naruto, Sasuke, and Kakashi, who called themselves Team 7. Anyway, my name is Ronan Beelzebub. I'm thirteen years old, and have just come to the town. I am six feet tall, and have dark blue hair that looks like Justin Bieber's hair. (I don't like him though; FUCK HIM. HE SUCKS. ALL MODERN MUSIC FUCKING SUCKS. THE BEATLES HAD THAT HAIRSTYLE BEFORE JUSTIN FUCKING BIEBER EVEN EXISTED.) I am very muscular, and I measure twenty-eight inches around my biceps. I have huge pecs. Furthermore, I also have a huge dick which is two feet long and quite fat, plus I cum a lot. I was really excited about moving to a new town, because I would finally have some new pussy to fuck, having had sex with all the other girls in my old town.

Since I was young, I knew I was special because I could shoot dark blue light out of my hands. It blew holes in stuff and was really powerful, but I didn't show anybody because I was afraid that they wouldn't understand it, and because I might be ostracized. (Then again, I could just blow holes into their stuff, right? And then all the girls can blow ME afterwards. Har har har.)

Anyway, the new town was so different, because it was in Japan, and I'm not Japanese; I'm American. Japan is different from America, although this wasn't really Japan; it was one of the Shinobi Nations. I know I just contradicted myself, but I was still so cool, after all. The place was cool too, of course, because the girls here are all sexy, and shit, I wanted to fuck them and their dripping, wet pussies.

I was wearing a really big, black cloak, and I had red shoes on. I had big chains around my neck and waist, and also had a headband (like the one in the show, except mine glows blue around it and has knives in it that surprisingly, haven't cut through my skull. Yeah. I broke the fourth wall, simply because I can. I'm an all-powerful, awesome, and SEXY Gary Stu, after all.) When I got out of our hummer, Sakura and her friends were shocked to see me because of the headband, and they were like, "Oh my God, I can't believe this! You must be one of us! We have a lot to tell you, so please come on the temple over there, and we can do it." Then, my headband glowed and they all gasped.

"How is this possible? I can sense that you have more power to show us, so come over to the temple and I will show you everything, including our-" Sakura said, interrupted when I took off my headband, and ethereal knives grew out of my head. She looked at me in astonishment, dumbfounded about what she had just seen.

"You are very special and have powers greater than our own," they said in chorus. "When you come to the temple over there, we will be strong-"

They were interrupted once more by a huge snake that fell from the black sky. IT WAS OROCHIMARU!

They told me to stand back because I could not handle this, even though they had told me earlier that I have powers greater than their own. Seriously, being around awesome and SEXY Gary Stus like me can turn even the best of geniuses into drooling idiots. So, I did just as I was told, and I watched as they fought hard using their ninja powers and were defeated one by one: first, Sasuke, then Kakashi, then Naruto, and then Sakura. And when he had Sakura, I shouted, "LET HER GO, YOU MONSTER!"

All of a sudden, my eyes turned blue, and I began to float. My powers were taking hold of me, and they were all shocked. Again. I grew ten feet taller, and began to fight Orochimaru as best as I could, saving Sakura and blasting him with hot (like me) beams of blue light. Sakura fell from his clutches, and I saved her by catching her with my big, strong arms. Orochimaru fell to the ground badly hurt, and then I waved my hands with blue light shooting out. He was lifted up, thrown, and hurt even worse than before. I flew over to him and roared at him, and he got scared.

Everybody else was amazed that I did this, and he was too, but he said, "You are not as powerugfukl as you think-k-k!" He coughed blood out of his mouth as he spoke, thus garbling his words. "I will be back; you'll see! And you'll die!" And then, he vanished. Right after he vanished, I fell down to the ground and shrunk back to regular size. All my human strength had been drained, and I ached.

Sakura ran to my side, saying, "You are more powerful than all of us combined. You are the chosen one to defeat Orochimaru. Thank you for saving my life." And then, she kissed me. She rubbed my crotch and added, "You are very big! Now, let's go to the temple, and you can heal. Then, we can talk about you."

They all carried me back to the temple, and I blacked out as we entered.

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 _ _AN:_ OKAY, THAT'S THE FIRST CHAPTER. I REALLY WANT AT LEAST 2 REVIEWS UNTIL I PUBLISH THE SECOND CHAPTER. I NEED TWO NOW; PEOPLE ARE READING MY STORY. I KNOW it's kind of different and darker than usual, but please give me a chance. It's going to get so much more awesome! EVERY NARUTO FAN WILL LOVE THIS. IF YOU LOVE NARUTO WRITE A REVIEW. PRETTY PLEASE?_


	2. Chapter 2: Ronan Awakens

__AN:_ Okay, I'm really mad because I didn't get more than one review for the first chapter, so I hope this is different because it's good and you'll like it. Or, if not, FUCKING FUCK YOU, FUCKING COCKSUCKERS!_

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 **CHAPTER 2: Ronan Awakens**

After the big battle, I was very tried, tired, and hurt, so everybody helped me even though I was more powerful than them. I had blacked out after the fight with Orochimaru. When I woke up, it was obviously the next day, and everybody was glad to see me. Despite the fact that I was still trying to recover from my battle injuries, Sakura and I then began to have sex when I saw her cunt leaking juice onto the floor. I vigorously fucked her hot, tight, and steamy pussy, although she almost couldn't handle it due to my gigantic, fucking huge dick. It was so big that it went into her organs, although she didn't get hurt... well, except for a bit. Being around an awesome and SEXY Gary Stu can increase pain tolerance, after all. Furthermore, she didn't die from this, when she should've, under normal circumstances. As my penis went back and forth inside her vagina which was probably as deep as the Grand Fucking Canyon because I can twist reality to suit my fucked-up desires, we both began to moan in pleasure sexily. I was ready to cum when she said, "Pull out, big boy!"

So, I did, and then I came on her face. The hot load of cum was quite a lot, that it completely drenched her, making her hair really wet and sticky. She then started to lick and suck on her hair while sucking my cock at the same time, but this time, she swallowed and she got full on my yum cum. (I just realized that that rhymed. Lol.)

Later, she showed me the temple, the dojo, and all the other sights to see. It was really cool, although it was sunny outside. I saw the other guys practicing, though I was more eager to see Sakura practice her hot and luscious moves. I knew it would be sensual and sexy. Her sweating and heaving body kicked, bound, and leaped. When she was all done and hot, she rubbed her butt up against my huge cock and accidentally let out a fart. "Excuse me," Sakura said with a coy laugh. "Accident."

But I liked it, so I asked her to do it again. Even if farts are involuntary by nature, I can MAKE THEM voluntary. Why? Because I'm an awesome and SEXY Gary Stu with the power to bend reality. It was incredibly hot, and I knew that I wanted to fuck her ass next. We went into the dojo and fucked again. It was nighttime, and obviously, the sun was out now, because, well, it was night! Duh! I rammed my dick into her ass, and she took it like a fucking bitch. I totally dominated her. Then, when we were fucking, Orochimaru came, yelled unintelligible gibberish, and then kidnapped Sakura!

"NO!" I yelled. But he was gone, and I knew that I had to get her back, so I asked the other guys to help even though they were obviously weak compared to me. Little did they know that deep inside me laid the powerful spirit of an ancient creature, and it was about to take over when I saved Sakura. Yeah, I can see into the future as well, simply because I am awesome.

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 _ _AN:_ Okay, so that was the second chapter. I hope it was good. Please write more reviews. I really need them because they are good, but don't flame. Please fucking don't flame, fuckers!_


	3. Chapter 3: Journey to Sakura

_AN: GOD! EVEN THOUGH I'M AN ATHEIST! WHAT THE FUCK, you motherfucking assholes!? Okay, duck, er, FUCK you! Just, fuck you! I DON'T NEED TO CHANGE MY SPELLING; IT'S GOOD! Besides, what the fuck do you guys know!? This is a great story, so just shut the fuck up and READ it, you bitchcunties! Also, don't flame me! Instead, flame Monica Gilbey-Bieber, that bitch who wrote_ One Less Lonely Gurl _, like that stupid Justin Bieber song! She likes Western cartoons, modern top 40 'music,' and Chinese food! Basically everything I hate!_

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 **CHAPTER 3: Journey to Sakura**

It was nighttime, and Sasuke and I were angry and hungry. We wanted to find Sasuke, so we tried, but could not, even though we were looking for someone who was with us all along, and one of the searchers is himself. He's always been like that, always in pursuit of himself or some similar philosophical shit. As we kept looking, we decided to set out into the Shinobi Nations because we had no idea where Orochimaru had taken Sakura to. In the vision of myself saving her, I had seen what looked like a cave, but I couldn't really 'see' where it was. I just hoped that she wasn't dead, because I loved her, even though I'd just met her a day ago. We went across the world to look for her, and we camped and stuff. The first night was hard because we weren't used to each other, but it was okay.

"Hey, what the fuck are you doing, RONAN!?" said Sasuke in shock when he saw me sucking my own cock while jacking off to a picture of Sakura.

"What does it look like to you, fucker?" I could see that he was jealous of me a lot because his penis was small and so was Naruto's and Kakashi's; they didn't have a giant fucking cock like me. I then blasted a blue light at him and he went flying away, and he disappeared into the night sky, leaving with just a brief twinkle. So, I was left alone to continue sucking my huge dick, and then I came all over Sakura's hot picture where her pussy was soaking wet, and her tits were hung, like, double L cup. They were so big that they hurt her back, and slapped back and forth when she walked. She loved it when I stuck my cock in her cleavage because it was hot and big enough for her giant fucking tits. She loved milking them and giving me the milk.

"Ahhh..." I moaned, and continued to cum. However, there was something, or rather, someone, missing, and it wasn't Sakura. Rather, it was Sasuke, and I missed him. (NO HOMO, THOUGH. REMEMBER, I'M NOT A YAOI FAGGOT! JEEZ!) I wanted him to help me find that hot, fucking gassy slut even though he called me out on my autofellatio just moments ago.

MEANWHILE IN OROCHIMARU'S LAIR...

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I GOT YOU, YOU FUCKING SLUT! NOBODY WILL GET YOU BACK, ESPECIALLY NOT RONAN!" Orochimaru said as he laughed cruelly. "YOU ARE MINE FOREVER! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

But then, Sakura screamed, and said, "PLEASE! OH MY GOD, RONAN! PLEASE! OH MY GOD! WHY!? HELP ME NOW! PLEASE!"

I could tell that she was in distress when she yelled, and I knew that we were close, so I got Sasuke, who went back to me unscathed anyway after I had thrown him up to the sky, Kakashi, and Naruto to get the fuck up so that we could all go to save her. She's a girl, so I knew how scary Orochimaru must be and how much she would need saving because I am a misogynistic fucker, and that's awesome. I started to get a huge, fucking hard-on, however, when I realized how hot she must really be when she's quite sweaty and wearing ripped clothes in Orochimaru's cave. God, (even though I am an atheist) the thought of that was so fucking hot that I burst my huge nut right there. None of us cared anyway despite the blood seeping through my trousers, and we just continued running. I'm a Gary Stu anyway, so my pain tolerance down there is unbelievably high. We eventually fell inside the cave where Orochimaru held Sakura captive.

"I WILL NOT LET YOU THROUGH, YOU KNOW!" yelled Procimaur, one of Orochimaru's minions, which was a creature with the head of a bull and the body of a man. Wait, that's a minotaur! Anyway, he laughed evilly and pounced towards us, but I split him into two with a beam of blue light from my hands. We then went past the portal he was guarding.

"WHO'S THERE!?" Orochimaru shouted and looked back. "OH! IT'S YOU! NOW, I WILL KILL YOU ALL!"

I knew he wasn't lying about that because he was evil.

"I'M GOING TO!" he yelled in emphasis sadistically, followed by unintelligible gibberish.

But then, a huge, blue burst of hot light came out of me, and it was my powderful, or rather, _powerful_ spirit that lurked deep inside me. It was a giant, blue-scaled dragon which blew blue fire that becomes Snake Brand Prickly Heat powder when it comes into contact with the target. It kinda looked like Blue Eyes White Dragon from Yu-Gi-Oh!, and it flew over to Orochimaru, thus beginning our fight!

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 _AN: Okay, so that's the end of Chapter 3. I know it's getting pretty dark and scary, but I promise that it's gonna get even more awesome. Hard to imagine, I know, right? LOL. BUT PLEASE REVIEW OR ELSE I AM GOING TO CRY LIKE THE MAN-CHILD I SECRETLY AM!_


	4. Chapter 4: Battle with Orochimura

_AN:_ _Hey, FUCKING FLAMERS. You don't have ANY IDEA WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT. I SAW ALL YOU GUYS REVIEW ME TODAY, AND IT REALLY PISSED ME THE FUCK OFF, FUCKERS. SO NOW, I'M GONNA SHOW YOU GUYS HOW AWESOME MY STORY CAN BE, FUCKERS. I BET MOST OF YOU ASSHOLES DON'T EVEN FUCKING LIKE ANIME. WELL, GUESS WHAT? FUCK YOU! WESTERN ANIMATION FUCKING SUCKS COCK! ANIME IS BETTER AND ALWAYS WILL BE, YOU FUCKING ASSHOLES! IT'S GOT BETTER QUALITY AND STORY, AND IT'S NOT FOR BABIES, UNLIKE AMERICAN ANIMATED SHOWS, AND I BET YOU LOSERS LIKE LADY GAGA OR SOME MODERN POP SHIT LIKE HER! FUCK YOU, FUCKERS! NARUTO FUCKING ROCKS! WHO THE FUCK IS TARA? ARE YOU CALLING ME A FUCKING PUSSY GIRL? FUCK OFF! I AM A 13-YEAR-OLD BOY. THAT MEANS I AM MATURE, UNLIKE YOU LITTLE BABIES! HAHAHA! FUCKING FAGS!_

 _Anyway, so I'm gonna continue my story now. All you FANS (I FUCKING HAVE THEM, FUCKERS!) can keep on reading and loving it, and all you girls get your pussies dripping wet! GUYS CAN GTFO. I DON'T WANT NO DUDE JACKING OFF TO MY STORY (EXCEPT ME, HAHAHA)! THAT'S FUCKING GROSS. OKAY, SO HERE'S the story again, It's awesome; I PROMISE!_

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 **CHAPTER 4: Battle with Orochimaru**

"WAM! DIE, OROCHIMARU!" I shouted, and he fell down as my dragon spirit roared and spat at him. He was hurt, but he didn't know what to do, so he left, thus ending the battle immediately. "That's right, FUCK YOU, PUSSY! YOU RUN LIKE A BABY GIRLIE!"

We left the cave. I carried Sakura in my big, muscular arms, and she was fainted but I could feel her cunt dripping wet. It was like a hurricane up her pussy.

"Fuck yeah, this bitch can fuck good," I thought to my fucked-up self. I took her back to the temple and Sasuke, Naruto, and Kakashi left, while I stayed with Sakura. She was fainted, but her pussy was dripping wet, and I just had to fuck it. For a totally awesome and sexy Gary Stu, inhibitions and self-control seem to not be part of my arsenal of awesome strengths and powers. I whipped out my gigantic cock and started to vigorously fuck her cunt. It ripped open and gaped; this didn't hurt or kill her, though. My cock went deeper in, but then, I decided to fuck her in her nice fucking ass, so I turned her over and shoved my monster dick inside. It went so far inside of her even though she was tight. It kept going, and going, and going, and then, I had to cum, so when I did, it went all into her stomach, and some of it came out of her mouth, nose, and eyes. Not her ears, though. Because she just had to be fucked in the ass so much, so much cum oozed out of her butt and she farted so loudly that it woke her up.

"Oops," Sakura said, followed by a coy laugh. "Oh, hey Ronan, did you have fun?" There was nothing in her sultry voice that indicated any sign of pain even though my monster cock was supposed to rip her body apart. Oh well, this is my genjutsu anyway, and I can do whatever the fuck I want in it, and that includes making anatomical anomalies look normal, and rape into something fun, both for me and for the unconscious victim.

"Oh yeah, I did," I replied. "It was so sexy. You're so tight, and I loved fucking your ass!"

"Well, I got something for you, big boy," she said hotly. Then, she started to spray milk from her big tits, and it soaked me, so I was obviously the wet one now. Anyway, her milk was so good; it tasted like her pussy juices mixed with vanilla and strawberries.

"Mmm... so good, baby..." I said.

"Yeah, well, Jake, er... Ronan, your cum tastes even better! Do you want to try?"

"WHAT THE FUCKING HELL CUNTING BITCH!? WHAT DO YOU THINK I AM!? I AM NOT A FAG! I DON'T WANT TO TASTE MY OWN FUCKING CUM!" I shouted, even though I had performed autofellatio while I was camping that night before we found her in Orochimaru's cave, and Sasuke even called me out on it. "WHAT THE FUCK!?" I actually said this to myself; I just refuse to admit it because real men DO NOT, under any circumstances, own up to their mistakes, especially in front of a woman. Also, who the fuck is Jake? Is she cheating on me?

"RONAN, please! I'm sorry!" Sakura cried. "I didn't mean to upset you! Please, don't go! You don't have to eat your cum! You can eat some of mine mixed with my milk! It's good! Please... No!"

But I was already gone, and Sakura was still crying hysterically. She needed me, but I didn't really need her. I missed her dripping wet cunt and how good it is, however, and she missed my cock, muscles, and sexy fucking face. She needs a man, because without me, she's nothing and no one. I ran to the top of the hill and yelled, "SAKURA, FUCK YOU BITCH! I LOVE YOU!" (Yep, I am the best at getting the bitches. Take some motherfucking advice from me, bros! Oh, wait. I forgot I told guys to get the fuck off.) Anyway, she could hear me yelling from the temple, but then, she fell asleep, and when she woke up, she was sick, but clearly not because of how I had ravaged her body the night before. She went to the bathroom and used a mystical Japanese pregnancy test. The results were positive.

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 _AN: That's the end of chapter 4. It's getting really good, ain't it? Hahaha, but seriously, I need more reviews, not FLAMES. HAHA, THAT'S FUNNY, FLAMES, BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT YOU GUYS ARE: FLAMING FAGS! HAHAHAHA, FUCK YOU GUYS! SO, MY SPELLING MAY NOT BE GREAT, BUT THIS IS AN AMAZING STORY, AND THE SEX IS SO AWESOME, AND YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS OF ME BECAUSE I GET PUSSY AND YOU DON'T. FUCK OFF, BUT I STILL EXPECT YOU GIVE ME A GOOD REVIEW ANYWAY! GOD, (even though I'm an atheist) WHY DO YOU PEOPLE DO THIS!? Anyway, so yeah, SAKURA is pregnant. What's gonna happen next? Read and find out, because it's crazy, like me, and there's gonna be some really sexy stuff and some scary stuff too!_

 _OH, AND A SHOUTOUT TO KATIE, TOO! LOVE YOU, BABY! Gives me the pussy, that sexy bitch, lol._


	5. Chapter 5: The Child

_AN:_ _YOU PEOPLE NEED TO LEAVE ME ALONE! I'M JUST TRYING TO BE A GOOD WRITER, AND I AM, SO FUCK YOU ALL, OKAY, FUCKERS! THIS IS A GOOD STORY AND PEOPLE LIKE NARUSPERGAL KNOW THAT BECAUSE THEY ROCK! FUCK EVERYBODY WHO HATES THIS! IT'S GOOD AND THAT'S THAT! I WILL NOT STOP WRITING! IT'S MY STORY, AND IT WILL BE A GOOD ONE! AND I CAN STOP WHEN I WANT!_

 _Okay, so I figured that I'd go ahead and write and post this chapter because I'm going to be busy the next few days, so... Okay. Here it is._

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 **CHAPTER 5: The Child**

After she found out that she was pregnant, Sakura ran to me at the top of the hill where I spent the night. "RONAN, I'M PREGNANT, AND I KNOW IT'S YOURS. PLEASE, COME WITH ME. I LOVE YOU AND NEED YOU, BABY! PLEASE! I LOVE YOUR BIG, FAT, GIANT DICK SO PLEASE COME." I knew she was right and I loved her too (nope, not really. Remember, I don't need her, but she does need me.), so I came with her. All of a sudden, when we were back in the temple, she started to give birth, even though it has not even been a day yet since, let alone nine months. I am a sexy and awesome Gary Stu, after all, and speeding up pregnancies is one of my powers, and so is seeing Sakura use the mystical Japanese pregnancy test in the first place even though I was in the hill, and she was in the temple. Blood was everywhere, and she was so sexy while doing it, then the baby came out. It was a girl, and we named her Mandy Waterfall. (Thanks, Katie, for the name!)

Later, we put Mandy to bed and then we went to the temple. Naruto, Kakashi, and Sasuke were all there, and they congratulated us for the baby. But then, a giant cloud of black mist came around us, and it was Orochimaru again! He kidnapped Sakura and the baby!

"NO, YOU CAN'T TAKE THEM, YOU FUCKER!" I shouted.

Then, he said, "We should fight a rematch, fucker!"

I accepted Orochimaru's challenge, but I knew I was going to win anyway. My powderful, or rather, powerful, blue dragon spirit came out and roared at Orochimaru who transformed into his snake form, and we fought powerfully, er, rather, we started a _totally_ mature name-calling battle. Much intense action right there; that's for sure!

"You're just a bitch," said Orochimaru.

"Yeah? Well, you're a fag!" I responded, and then I blasted him with blue beams of light. He fell, and was hurt and butthurt. "I defeat you!" I proclaimed triumelephantly.

However, he wasn't done yet! He still had one more trick up his sleeve, so he managed to tie me up in chains which he hurled at me. I broke free of the chains almost immediately, thus eliminating any point of them anyway, and my dragon spirit flew over the cave and charged towards Orochimaru.

"HAHAHA! I win!" I said as I let out my most powerful move come forward. It was not just a giant blast, but a giant, BIG blast, and it hurt him badly, but he got up. Well, _maybe_ that was not my _most_ powerful move after all.

"I will win! You will not!" he yelled with an evil laugh. But then, while he was too busy laughing, I was able to save Sakura. However, when I was about to rescue our daughter, he disappeared with her in a cloud of dark mist.

Later, Sakura and I went to the local pool. She looked so hot in her bikini. Her tits swayed and hit people, but they, including the girls, loved it, especially when drops of milk dripped from her large, swollen nipples. She jumped into the pool, and so did I. All the girls saw my bulge and how big my Dicky (my dick's totally original nickname, of course!) is. They loved it, so they jumped in the pool too and sucked on my cock. Sakura also joined in, and when I came, it filled the pool. Oh, boy... That pool cleaner is going to have a long day ahead of him! (Unless the pool cleaner is a girl. She's going to have the best day ever, in that case!) But then, somebody walked in, and it was...

SAKURA!?

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	6. Chapter 6: The Child, Part 2

_AN:_ _WTF. SOME OF CHAPTER 5 GOT ACCIDENTALLY DELETED! I don't know how, but I guess it happened while I was writing it! Grr! Fuck! Okay, so I guess I'll just do this real fast. This is the rest of Chapter 5 from where I left off. I can't do the fight because I... forget it! But okay, here we go! RAHHHH!_

 _Okay, um... I'm gonna make this chapter 6, so, yeah._

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 **CHAPTER 6: The Child, Part 2**

"WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU!?" said the real Sakura, but then, the other Sakura who just came in said, "I'm Mandy Waterfall."

"OH," we said rather nonchalantly, despite the fact that she aged up so quickly, in less than a day. Perhaps Orochimaru did something to make her mature incredibly fast, and she managed to escape him.

"I grew up," she said, stating the obvious, and then, she jumped into the pool with us. Sakura and I were both shocked because she looked exactly like her mother, except she (obviously) wasn't her. She was Mandy, our daughter! So, both Sakuras got out of the pool sexily, and I got a raging boner. I got out of the pool as well and brushed it up against them. They were both hot for it. However, this totally sick and twisted 'family bonding' had to be interrupted, because we had to go back to the temple. I could hear the other guys calling. Something was happening!

"OROCHIMARU!" the three guys called out. He was back, angry and mad, but then, he saw the two Sakuras, and he said, "WHAT THE FUCK!?"

We explained to him what we understood of what the fuck just happened, and he was mad and blew us. (No, not THAT way you fags!) Then, the TEMPLE EXPLODONATED. We were devastated and hurt. He flew away laughing maniacally. We didn't know what to do despite the fact that I am a sexy, awesome, and intelligent Gary Stu, because Sasuke, Kakashi, and Naruto were in there! They were dead now. Sakura and Mandy wept. They loved them AS FRIENDS (not lovers) because they all had small cocks, so they couldn't love them. It wasn't cool. They love me, but now, they were dead, so we started walking, and it was raining. Sakura and Mandy's shirts were tight and could show their tits from being wet by the rain. It was so hot, and Mandy had breasts just like her mom, but then, she revealed that she was a clone born from Sakura and not my daughter, so I could have sex with her and it wouldn't be incest.

We found shelter with a sexy cougar, and as she was walking, we saw pussy juice leaking from her panties. I got a boner, and both girls started to leak pussy juice, too.

"Here are your bedrooms, fuckers," she said in a hot voice. I went to the bed with both of the girls and we fucked all night long. I impaled them with my gigantic cock, which, again, did not kill them or cause them any pain at all, as I fucked their pussies at the same time. When I woke up, the cougar came into the room, which was covered in cum. It was so hot to her, so she started to lick it up, and because I had morning wood, I went over and she sucked my huge, four-foot dick, twice as long as it was just a few days ago. She loved it and deep-throated it.

"I WANT MORE!" she said, so I fucked her tits, which were huge and sexy, and I slapped her in the face with my dick. She loved it. I then gave her a facial, and it was so big. She was soaked like Sakura that one time. It was so fucking hot, so she and I went downstairs and ate.

"I have to poop," she said, so I went back to wake up Sakura and Mandy, and when I was doing that, I walked by the bathroom door and heard her taking a douche and looked at it. It was hot; I could see her pussy dripping on the toilet, and I just have to say this again: It was so hot. So, I jacked off right there and came all over the door and then went to Sakura and Mandy. It was already nighttime, and that was all that happened on that day (that's as short as the average penis length of this fanfic's flamers.) I fell asleep, and when I woke up, everyone was gone, and there was a note from... OROCHIMARU! He said that he had all three of them, and that he was going to kill them and fuck them to death, in that order. I knew he couldn't because they were MINE TO FUCK. There. I said it. Not because I love them or some mushy girlie shit like that. They are but chattel to me, and NOBODY steals my stuff! I ran and went to Orochimaru's lair, and then, I saw MANDY WORKING WITH OROCHIMARU! I KNEW IT! SHE BETRAYED US! Either that, or she was on his side all along. After all, what else could explain why she grew up that fast? My Gary Stu powers sure as hell did not do that!

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 _AN: OKAY, FUCKING THERE. God, even though I'm an atheist. This shit works so fucking weirdly. Anyway, so yeah. Things are getting pretty dark and scary, so I hope everybody loves it so far, and trust me: it's gonna get sexier, okay! DON'T FUCKING FLAME. OH, AND FUCK. I FORGOT: SOMEONE TOLD ME THAT I SHOULD SAY THAT I DO NOT OWN NARUTO. OKAY? PLEASE DON'T SUE ME. THIS IS JUST A FANFIC OKAY. There. Now, read and review ASAP! OH, YEAH. ALSO, WHILE I TONE DOWN THE SCAT AND STUFF... I KNOW SOME PEOPLE DON'T LIKE IT, BUT I THINK IT CAN BE KIND OF HOT, BUT I UNDERSTAND IF I SHOULD LEAVE IT. OKAY, BUT THIS IS MY FANFIC AFTER ALL. I WRITE WHATEVER THE FUCK I WANT._


	7. Chapter 7: The Unnamed Chapter

_AN:_ _Okay. Well, you know what, FUCK YOU, NARUSUPERGAL. Hypocritical bitch-ASS WHORE! I BET you don't even fucking like Naruto, so whatever. Your opinion doesn't fucking matter, okay, slut!? Anyway, so my road trip. That's where I was with my parents. It was fucking shitty. We drove from Los Alamitos (It's where we live) to Monterey. God, even though I'm an atheist, it fucking sucks! Who gives a shit about fucking sharks and fish and shit like that? Though, there were lots of hot chicks there, and one of them who worked there was so hot. She had big fucking tits, and shit, I wanted to fuck her so badly, but we left, so I couldn't. Also, we went farther north to San Francisco and Santa Rosa. So boring... And my parents wanted to see BoGAYga Bay (Hope you got that, LOL) because of some movie about killer birds. LOL, fucking stupid, right? Anyway, they also dragged me to some Egyptian museum and we also went to the Winchester Mystery House. What a fucking lame-ass gay shit. NO GHOST! The only cool thing was that we almost got into a rockslide accident on Highway 1 and DIED. Because of that, I begged my parents to let us NOT go to Santa Barbara on the drive back, and they said okay, but yeah. I'm glad to be back home now so I can write more of the story!_

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 **CHAPTER 7: The Unnamed Chapter and the Unnamed Captive**

 _SAKURA'S POV_

As I woke up from being taken by Madara, I didn't know what to do, but my pussy was dripping wet and steamy. It actually hurt so much because Ronan's cock was so fucking huge, but what? Could I say no, or something? No, I couldn't, because he is sexy and his cock is gigantic, if that even makes any fucking sense at all. I knew when I first saw him that I loved him. He was so hot; he had big muscles and stuff. But I was so scared because I knew I could die, and because Orochimaru is evil. He said he wants to "tear them apart." Whatever he meant, it was obviously not a good thing, but I knew that Ronan would come because he is a man, and it was his job to save me. I needed saving; I was so scared, so I wept, cried, and rubbed my pussy while thinking about him. Masturbation is a good stress reliever, after all. I'm not too certain, though, if that was the right way to deal with my predicament, but for some reason, it was the only solution I could think of. That, and cry desperately like a fucking damsel in distress.

"HELP! RONAN! PLEASE! I NEED YOU BY ME!" I cried. "PLEASE! GIVE ME YOUR COCK! HELP! OROCHIMARU IS TRYING TO KILL ME! HELP!"

 _UNNAMED CAPTIVE'S POV_

Then, all of a sudden, Ronan burst in. He blew light at Madara, though he didn't know it was Madora, Madonna's wannabe impersonator. Then, he took off the mask resembling the pop singer, and said, with a fake, annoying lisp, "HASHAHA You shtoopid imbeshile fool! I jusht dishguished myshelf ash Orochimaru, who ish sheecretly a pop shtar wannabe, sho that I could kidnap thish fucking bitch!" Madara vanished, but it was okay; we were fine, so then Ronan carried Sakura, Mandy, Fiona (whom he 'affectionately' calls 'the cougar'), and I out of the cave and the daylight hurt our eyes because it was so bright, but we loved it. Then, he started to fuck us and we came.

 _THE NEXT DAY, RONAN'S POV_

As we came back to the temple, I said that I was hungry, so the girls made me some food. I ate burgers, hotdogs, popcorn, and stuff. It was so good! I loved it! They sure do know how to cook like good women damn well should! Fucking whores: they could fucking tell that they were so, soaking wet down there. It was so hot, so I decided that I was still hungry, but this time, I was hungry to eat them out; I thought to myself with a laugh. When they were asleep, I got on their beds, went under their gowns, and licked their pussies. They tasted so good, like Sierra Mist.

"Mmm... Fuck you, you skank, you taste so fucking good!" I said. Fiona moaned in pleasure as she felt my 17-inch tongue, which gives Gene Simmons a run for his money, go inside of her. She came all over my tongue, face, and mouth. It was amazing! I loved this cougar bitch! I decided that, next, I would then go into Sakura and Mandy's room to lick their pussies too. But when I walked into their room, I saw THEM FUCKING! I instantly got the best, biggest boner I've ever had. Mandy was fucking Sakura with a dildo modeled after my own giant cock, which she rammed into Sakura's pussy. It was metal, and she was fucked so hard that she bled. Then, Mandy started to scissor (I think that's what lesbians do, right?). Got (not God because I'm an atheist!), it was so hot! Then, they came all over each other, and both were soaking wet, but then, I yelled at them.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!? WHY ARE YOU LISBON?"

"LESBIAN," Sakura corrected. "I'm not the capital city of Portugal."

"WHATEVER!" I hollered. A woman has NO right to correct a man!

Then, Mandy and Sakura explained that they were lesbians, but they did love me. I was the only guy who could make them feel good with my giant fucking duck, which a certain drummer from a certain metal band I like would LOVE to chase. In fact, they said that when they were with me, they were straight. Well, I am an awesome and SEXY Gary Stu, after all. I have the power to change someone's sexual orientation, and I'm just the man those extremist Christians and their cure-the-gay programs need, but since I hate Christians, they won't ever get any of my services! Har har har. Then, they started to kiss each other with their pussy-juiced faces, and their tongues went into each other's mouths, and then Mandy got Sakura to sit on her face, and Sakura voluntarily farted. It was so hot. I then came over and blew my huge fucking load all over them; it was so hot. Then, I left. It was then when I realized that the fourth girl I had saved wandered off, and I wasn't able to fuck her again, let alone know her name. Oh well, I don't need her anyway. But sooner or later, she would come crawling back to me, crying out for help like the bitch that she is if Madara ever kidnaps her again.

 _NEXT MORNING_

So, the next morning, we all woke up and were sleepy, but the girls made eggs and then we ate. We went to the dojo. It was a hot day, and we were all hot and sweaty, and we worked out and stuff. Sakura and Mandy kissed all day. Fuck, it was so hot! Fucking lesbian sluts. But then, I heard a noise. It was a crashing sound, and obviously, it sounded like a crash! We all walked outside, and it was Madara, and then, all of a sudden, he leaped out and attacked me, and he took the cougar with him! Then, my eyes turned a dark blue (unlike the light blue it was before), and I screamed, "MADARA!" Then, I teleported, disappearing in a pool of dark blue, wet, watery smoke!

And when I landed, I was JB... Justin Bieber? James Bond? Jack Black? Jonas Brothers? Jack Barakat? Johnny Braddock? (Zachary) James Baker? (Thomas) Joseph Bell?

Anyway, I was in Orochimaru's lair! And of course, he had the cougar! HE WAS HOLDING HER DEAD AND BLOODY HEAD! SHE WAS (obviously) DEAD!

"NOBRACKETBRACKETBRACKETBRACKETBRACKETBRACKETBRACKETBRACKETBRACKETBRACKETBRACKETBRACKET!" I screamed, but it was too late! She was dead and blood was everywhere! And, to add insult to injury, he was fucking her dead body! It was so fucking gross; it was much more disgusting than my own sick, twisted fetishes! I didn't know what to do, because this was not o-fucking-kay!

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 _AN: So, that's the end of Chapter 7. It's really dark and scary now, isn't it? I hope my fans are loving it! And FUCK YOU, NARUSUPERGAL! AND, SOMEBODY SAID I'M A TROLL! I AM NOT! FUCK YOU! JUST BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE THE BEST SPELLING OR GRAMMAR DOESN'T MEAN I AM A TROLL. BESIDES, THIS IS BASED ON A TRUE STORY, OKAY? FUCK OFF, you fake Naruto fans! Whatever!_


	8. Chapter 8: Death

_AN:_ _Okay, here's the next chapter, fucking fuckers! And FUCK YOU, NARUSUPERGAL! FUCK OFF, YOU FUCKING POSER! You're nothing but a fucking dirty skanky ass hoe! And whoever that reviewer is who spammed COCK on my reviews pages, FUCK YOU; I'M NOT A FAGGOT! FUCK OFF. Thanks to the fans for reading and reviewing!_

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 **CHAPTER 8: Death**

I started to scream at Madara. He had killed the cougar. She was so fucking hot, and now, he had fucking killed the bitch!

"What the fuck, you motherfucking asshole!? MADARA, YOU WILL NOT GET AWAY WITH THIS!"

"AHAHAHAHAHA! YES, I WILL, YOU STUPID FUCKING FAG!" Madara scoffed.

"WHAT THE FUCK? NOBODY CALLS ME A FUCKING FAG!" I screamed back. Yeah, nobody calls me a fucking fag, but people do call me stupid, though. "YOU. ARE. DEAD MEAT!" I ran at him, screaming, "Fuck you!", as blue light came out of my head, burning him. He hurt, but he screamed, "YOU WILL NOT FUCKING WIN, YOU FOUL IDIOT!"

I knew he meant business, but I still fought him. I had to, in order to avenge the cougar. I would never get her pussy again, that fucking WHORE. All of a sudden, her bloody and dead head flew towards me and said, "It's okay. I will be in your heart. Just think of me when you jack off and cum, and things will be okay. FIGHT FOR ME!" So, I did. I fought Orochimaru, or rather, Madara. He was evil and mean, and we fought for hours which turned into days, until, eventually, he couldn't take it anymore, so he fled.

"I WILL GET YOU ALL!" Madara screamed as his parting words for us.

"I WILL GET YOU BEFORE YOU GET ME, ASSHOLE!" I yelled back in response, and we walked away.

The cougar was dead, and we were all sad, so we decided to fuck. Well, whatever we feel, we decide to fuck anyway regardless. The girls told me to piss on them, so I did. I soaked them in piss and they fucking loved that shit. It was so good that they drank my piss. Mandy and Sakura were in love with me. They loved my fucking piss.

"Mmm... Delicious!" they said. "Your pee is sexy; we want more!" So, I gave them more. Remember, I am a SEXY and awesome Gary Stu, and another one of my powers is to produce pee voluntarily regardless of the amount of food or drink I had ingested. And of course, I will not get dehydrated from this! And, as expected, they gulped it all down, drinking so much of my piss that their stomachs exploded. This didn't kill them, of course, because later that day, we were having sex again.

All of a sudden, a huge burst of black light came! It was Madara! He was so angry, and he hypnotized Mandy and Sakura. I was so mad! Then, he had sex with them, making them think that he had a huge, gigantic cock, but he didn't; it was small, just half-an-inch long. I was, however, hung like a Stallone, er, a stallion. He was fucking them with his tiny, baby cock and they were loving it! So, to rectify that, I got a huge knife and slit his throat. His head fell off.

"Ronan! Thank you so much! You saved us!" they said in unison. "How can we repay you? How about cock, please?"

I gave it to them, and they fucking loved it. It was so much dick, and again, they loved it, but then, I realized that I had so much cum inside of me that it would hurt them if I came, but it was too late. I did, and their heads exploded because of how much cum there was. I was devastated for a moment there, and I didn't know what to do, but in the end, it doesn't even matter. It was okay, because, as a SEXY and awesome Gary Stu, I had also been endowed (lol, geddit?) with Shinobi powers that will allow their heads to grow back. Everything was fine once more as we continued to fuck, until a huge, black light came again, but this time, it wasn't Madara; it was the unnamed girl I had saved earlier! I knew she would come crawling back to me!

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 _AN: Okay, so that's Chapter 8! What's gonna happen next? Read the next chapter post to find out! It's awesome! And fuck off, all of you fucking assholes who are FLAMING ME, FUCKERS!_


	9. Chapter 9: Taliana

_AN: HEY, GUYS! KATIE IS ON FFN NOW! THIS IS her profile:_ KatiekinzAnimeLuver96. _Fuck all you fucking flamers! You don't know fucking shit, assholes! Whatever! I am going to keep writing because I can do whatever I want, whenever I want! This is a great story, and I need more reviews! Anyway, I love all my fans and THIS CHAPTER GOES OUT TO YOU, KATIE! I LOVE YOU, BABY! THANKS SO MUCH FOR THE IDEA FOR TALIANA! IT'S AWESOME! I modeled her after you, so she's real sexy. LOL. And, if ANY OF YOU FUCKING FUCKERS FUCKING DISS KATIE, I WILL FUCKING COME AND GET YOU, FUCKERS! FUCKING FUCK!_

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 **CHAPTER 9: Taliana**

"Who are you?" I asked, and she said that her name was Taliana. She was so fucking sexy; she had a huge, drooping, wet pussy and gigantic tits. She was so fucking hot; she looked just like Sakura, except that she had black hair and wore leather and steel. She was so fucking sexy, and I knew that I was going to have to fuck this bitch. All of a sudden, she had four breasts; a second pair of tits pooped out from her shit onto her chest; it was so sexy, at least, for me. And then, she came up to me; she was 12 feet tall, and so hot, and said, "I will sit on you." She did, and I was almost crushed, but I wasn't, so I was okay, but she farted; it was so fucking hot, and I could feel the heat and juices of her cunt on me. Then, she said, "Excuse me, I have to take a dump." She did, and Got, I was so hurt. She didn't fuck me yet, and I knew I'd have to kill her after I fuck her huge, gaping pussy.

She came back out and smelled like cough syrup, and I got high off her stench. I then pulled out my gigantic cock and she screamed and was scared, so she ran around the room continuing to scream in her really deep voice, which was still feminine. It was like a slowed-down version of her voice, but it was sexy even though she was afraid of my big, fat monster dick, so I slapped her and she fell down. She was knocked out, and then she sort of woke up, and I said, "Let me stick my big cock into you."

"Okay," she replied with a laugh, and so, I did. Got, she was so fucking hot! I kept fucking, and fucking, and fucking, and she was moaning like the whore-bitch-slut she was. What a fucking cunty skank: she grabbed my dick and then started to suck on it while I fucked her hard. I fucked her so hard that when she orgasmed, the pussy juice flew everywhere and flooded the cave. I was swimming in the deep pussy juice and she fell over, tired from the sex. I was pissed off because I didn't get to cum, but then...

"HELP, JAKE! PLEASE! HELP!" I heard Mandy and Sakura screaming! Who the fuck is Jake anyway? Despite that, I still swam over to where they were as fast as I could, and they were both drowning because they couldn't swim. At first, I didn't know what I was going to do! Would they die? I don't know, so I dove under and got them. They were okay, so I gave them CPR and they gasped.

"Oh my Got, thank you so much, Ronan! We love you; please fuck us! Please, fuck us!"

"Wait, who the fuck is Jake?" I asked. "ARE YOU FUCKING CHEATING ON ME!?"

"You," Sakura replied.

"I... I don't understand..." I said.

"You know damn well that you do," Sakura said firmly.

"WHATEVER!" I screamed, and we fucked anyway. What the fuck did she mean anyway when she said that I'm Jake...? But then, I looked over and saw a huge blast come at me; it was a big, black light which was coming at me. TALIANA HAD FIRED, STARTING THE FIGHT! I jumped into the juice and we fought. She was so strong and fucking beautiful and sexy.

"RONAN, HOW DARE YOU GO OVER TO THEM AND FUCK THEM AND LEAVE ME HERE!? I LOVE YOU, YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE! WHAT THE FUCK!? WE ARE MEANT TO BE, MOTHERFUCKER! NOW, BE WITH ME!" she said with a wicked laugh. So, she wasn't a captive all along? She was working with Madara!?

"But Taliana, I can't," I said. "I love you, but I can't."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" she screamed, and her boobs exploded milk, and in the wave of milk, she disappeared. I couldn't see her. We fled out of the cave and landed in the jungle. We were lost, and TALIANA WAS GONE!

"Now, what are we going to do? We are lost!" said Mandy and Sakura at the same time. I didn't know what to do, but because I am a man, I refuse to admit it, and it's not okay to do so. We were lost, and all our stuff was gone, too!

We walked around the jungle; it was raining, and then Taliana came and yelled at us, "What the fuck are you doing, you assholes!? You don't know anything, but I love you, Ronan, and I want to have sex with you! And I also love Mandy and Sakura, and want to have sex with them, too! HELP!" But she was just a ghost, so we couldn't do anything, and she floated away. Then, I heard a snake and thought it was Orochimaru, but it wasn't, much to my relief. What the fuck just happened, anyway? Was there really any point behind Taliana's apparition and that snake showing up?

But then, a big hole in the sky opened up; it was Madara!

"HAHAHAHA! I HAVE TALIANA, AND I WILL KILL HER! HAHAHAHAHAHA, YOU MUST FIND ME AND HER, AND WE WILL FIGHT TO THE DEATH!"

"No, you fucking poser! Fucking what the fuck!?" I screamed into the sky, pretending to be a neckbearded metal elitist with nothing better to do than diss Asking Alexandria for not being metal enough on the interwebs while in my mother's dark, dank basement. But it was too late; the hole was gone, and we were lost in the jungle. It was still raining. So... Taliana wasn't working with Madara? On whose side is she on, exactly?

"What would we do?" I asked.

"I want some cock," Sakura replied, and Mandy agreed, so I gave it to them, and then we went to sleep. And when we woke up, it was daytime again and we had to find Madara and that fucking hot bitch Taliana.

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 _AN: HEY, THAT WAS CHAPTER 9. IT WAS GREAT, huh? Right? Hahaha. Of course it was! Again, thank you, KATIE, FOR TALIANA. SHE'S A GREAT CHARACTER! SHE'S SO COOL, AND IS VERY SEXY, LIKE YOU! I LOVE YOU, YOU FUCKING HOE!_


	10. Chapter 10: The Second Unnamed Chapter

_AN:_ _Okay, so whatever! Fuck you, UNNAMED! Haha... You can't even get an account, you fucking loser! I bet you don't even FUCKING KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT SHIT, SO FUCK OFF, OKAY!? You fucking bitch fucker! Argh... DON'T YOU FUCKING DISS KATIE! AND WHOEVER SAID THAT SHE DOESN'T EXIST, FUCK OFF! YOU DON'T KNOW SHIT; SHE'S MY GF (Guardian Force) SO FUCK YOU! AND FUCK YOU, SPANISH PERSON! Okay, so anyway, my weekend was super shitty again. Got, my parents are so fucking stupid! Losers... They don't know anything like all you fucking flamers. You know what they made me do? They made me go to Death Valley Park! GOT, SO FUCKING BORING! WHO GIVES A FUCK? It was hot and didn't fucking matter; it was just a DESERT AND ROCKS! What a bunch of shit! Fuck you, mom and dad! You fucking suck! AND HEY! STOP SPAMMING WITH 'COCK' YOU FUCKING FAG! Oh, and yeah, this chapter is kind of scary, so I don't want no pussy fucking girls complaining about it, you fucking pussy whores!_

 _Okay, so here's the next chapter and it's my longest yet it's great, okay!?_

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 **CHAPTER 10: The Second Unnamed Chapter**

We were in the jungle, still, and it was raining, so we kept walking through the jungle but then, I suddenly remembered that I have teleportation powers, so I used them and we were in Madara's lair.

"What are you doing here, you stupid morons!? Doth shan't be here!" he said in gratuitous, butchered old English. All the girls were scared but I wasn't because I was a man, and men don't get scared (Fuck Get Scared! I hate them! They're modern faggots trying too hard to be like Motley Crue!) but girls do. The girls were crying and screaming. They were so horrified; they didn't know what to do, so I blasted Madara and he fell over.

"What hath you done?" he continued to speak in bastardized Shakespearean. "I will killest thou!" he roared. "You will die tonight, fucker fag, and I will fuck your bitches' cunts!"

Taliana came out too. "I will fucketh their pussies, too!" she shouted, also in Ye Butchered Olde English. "We will both fuck the cussies!" So... Are 'cussies' supposed to be a portmanteau of 'cunts' and 'pussies' from the Shakespearean era? Did I miss something from that lame-ass English class back in Los Alamitos?

The girls fainted. Those stupid, dumb whores... So, our battle began. I couldn't believe that TALIANA had betrayed us! But she sexily said, "Ronan, I still love you and I want to fuck your big, gigantic cock even though it scares me." And so, I walked up to her and pulled out my cock. She sucked it and we fucked so hard that she screamed. My dick was so fucking big! How could she handle this shit? It was so fucking big (yes, I need to say this a lot of fucking times!) this fucking whore would hurt. What the fuck.

And then, I pulled out the Sword of Takaharu (after pulling out that other sword out of Taliana's sheath, of course) and began to fight Madara. He screamed because he was so scared of my huge-ass sword, and he didn't have one. I sliced his head off, but it grew back, and his severed head flew at me, saying, "I will get you, fuckhead, and shall kill thee!" And it flew back to his body, seemingly forgetting that there was already another head to replace it. Madara began to fight me again. He was so mad, and angry, and sexy... "Stop it, Ronan!" I thought to myself. "Did you just describe your fucking adversary as sexy?"

Taliana sexily screamed, "Don't you kill him, you fucking loser bitch, or I will kill you, Madara!"

"You betraying bitch, how the fuck do you dare do this shit to me? I will kill you, you fucking cunt skank!"

As I ran over through his lair, I stabbed him with my sword and blood was everywhere. Despite this, he just flew away. "Our fight is over, but the battle has just began, you cunt!" And again, he flew away. Taliana looked at me sexily. "I want to fuck you," she said, and we fucked because we won the battle, but then, her eyes grew black. "I have a secret power nobody knows about except for you. I will use it and we will defeat Madara for good and he will die!"

"I also have a power," I said. "We can fight together to defeat him. He will be murdered by us!" Then, all of a sudden, I began to float, and blue light surrounded me, and a voice came and said, "You are the chosen one to defeat Madara along with Taliana, and it is also foretold that Sakura, Taliana, and Mandy will marry you, and you will fuck the pussy all day." As I floated, the blue light blinded Taliana forever.

"I love you Ronan, but I can't see what you have done. I still love you though, okay?" she said and we went home.

Mandy and Sakura were jealous of me and Taliana, but then Taliana came into the room and said, "What are you talking about you fucking sluts? And Ronan? YOU WILL NOT TAKE HIM. HE IS MINE! I NEED AND DEPEND ON HIM ALWAYS!"

"Oh yeah? Well, bitch, I bet I can fucking kick your ass!" Sakura replied.

"Oh, I bet you can't, you whore!" said Taliana.

And then, it was raining. They went outside and fought, and so did Mandy. It was muddy and their shirts got wet, showing their giant tits and milking nipples. It was so hot; I jacked off to it and came in the mud. They rolled in my cum and they were so horny from the fight. Mud and cum was in their clits and then Taliana said, "I love you, Mandy, and Sakura, you want to fuck?" And they did: Taliana put Mandy and Sakura in her pussy and used them as dildos. And then, she asked them to put spiked anal beads into her. They said yes; they fucked her with the anal beads and she poured cum from her cunt and they took a shower in it because she is 12 feet tall. And then, Sakura and Mandy both came and Taliana drank the cum from their pussies. She squeezed it out of them. It was so good; it tasted like strawberries. "Mmm... Your cum tastes good, you fucking whores," Taliana said. And then, they all fell into the mud, but I was hard again, so I came on them again and they loved it. They groped my huge muscles and said, "Oh, you're so sexy. You're a man! A real man! Not a fucking fag or a girl." That, despite the fact that they had fucked each other moments ago. "Mmmm... Your cock is huge," they continued. "And you have such giant muscles, and you're very smart. Please... We love you!" And then...

TALIANA TOOK OUT A RING AND PROPOSED! "Ronan, I love you and Sakura and Mandy," she said. "Let's get married!"

"WHAT THE FUCK, TALIANA? MEN ARE SUPPOSED TO PROPOSE, NOT FUCKING DUMB BITCHES!" I replied, reminding them of the correct place of women in the world, at least, according to me, and the way things should damn well be. She was so sad and cried all night and day. They all did because I said no, but the next morning after that, I said yes and gave them my own ring and threw out Taliana's. We were going to get married, but then, all of a sudden, Madara showed up, but he left. Perhaps he didn't want to be a wedding crasher, or maybe he just felt lazy that day. Anyway, we started to plan our wedding.

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 _AN: Okay, so that was CHAPTER TEN. I KNOW IT WAS SCARY AND DIFFERENT AND REALLY ORIGINAL, BUT DON'T FLAME, FUCKER! DON'T FUCKING FLAME! THANKS, KATIE, FOR THE IDEAS AND FOR THAT FUCKING HOT BITCH TALIANA! GUYS, I WANT TO FUCKING FUCK HER BIG, TIGHT PUSSY! And hey, everybody, I might make a poll here so you better all fucking vote if I fucking do, okay, fucking fags? Good. Hahaha. I knew you would, and thanks, fans, for all the love and support you guys send me in messages._


	11. Chapter 11: The Third Unnamed Chapter

_AN:_ _Okay guys, great news! Katie's gonna post a fanfic really soon. I'm so proud of that bitch. She can't write as good as me, but I'm happy. It's an okay fic and you'll all love it, so fucking read it when she fucking posts, you fucking fags! And hey, unnamed, I don't know who the FUCK YOU THINK YOU ARE, BUT YOU'RE STUPID AND UGLY AND DUMB SO JUST SHUT UP! I bet you don't know anything, haha, loser! Do YOU EVEN KNOW WHO I AM, YOU ASSHOLE? WHAT THE FUCK! I AM WRITING AN AWESOME FANFIC AND YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS THAT YOU CAN'T WRITE LIKE ME, FUCKING LOSER ASSHOLE BITCH CUNT SLUT WHORE SKANK! I BET YOU'RE, LIKE, 12 OR SOMETHING! HAHA, YOU'RE A 12-YEAR-OLD LITTLE GIRL, I BET! FUCKING PUSSY, LMAO! LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE. YOU don't KNOW SHITS, SO GO AWAY, OKAY!?_

 _And hey, down with CU! DOWN WITH CRITICS UNITED...! AND FUCK OFF, FAGGOT! DON'T FUCKING SPAM ME WITH 'COCK' OR ELSE! I BET YOU LOVE COCK YOU FUCKING SKANK!_

 _Anyway, so here's my next chapter. It's really good; you will all love it. Flamers can fuck off! I don't care what you say, unnamed bitch. I can say and do whatever I fucking want you fucking ass. This is MY STORY, NOT YOURS... AND I WILL NOT STOP TELLING FLAMERS TO STOP FLAMING BECAUSE IT'S FUCKING OBNOXIOUS!_

 _Her tits... er, here it is!_

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 **CHAPTER 11: The Third Unnamed Chapter**

It was daytime and it was sunny and rainy. The sky was yellowy purple, but we were angry and walking fast to the dojo. We were mad because of Madara; we knew he was going to try to ruin our wedding and again, everybody was so mad, so we did some coke and we felt better. Then, Madara showed up and the girls screamed, "Help, please!" And he left with them except for Taliana. Taliana said, "I have tricked you! I work for Madara!"

"What the fuck, you skanky cunt! You can't do this!" I shouted, but she vanished and I got so mad. I cried manly tears of anger. I had to find those sluts or else he would kill them!

In Madara's lair, everybody was screaming. They didn't know what to do; they were at the top of his castle. And then, he came to their room.

"You bitches are going to fucking dieth! Doth should know better than to crosseth thou! You will pay, cunt whores!" Madara snickered evilly as he sadistically zapped them with electrical surges! I was walking through the forest when I heard them screaming. I started to run through it and I then found the castle he was in. I went into it and found them in the room, chained to the wall.

"Help us, Ronan! Please! You have to help us! Please! Help!" Sakura yelled. THEN, MADARA CAME IN AND I YELLED AT HIM, "YOU WILL LOSE, YOU ASSHOLE-FUCKING FUCKER!" AND THEN HE STARTED TO CRY. "Haha, you're such a baby," I said, and he cried more, but then, all of a sudden, TALIANA CAME IN! She was dressed in leather and platinum. She was so fucking sexy. Then, she yelled, "RONAN, YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT IS GOING ON! THIS IS BIGGER THAN YOU AND ME. IT'S BIGGER THAN ALL OF US! MADARA HAS KIDNAPPED ME AND THEM! I DIDN'T BETRAY YOU. HE JUST MADE ME! I LOVE YOU, STILL!"

"MADARA, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING, YOU ASSHOLE!" I shouted. "HOW CAN YOU DO THIS TO THESE WEAK GIRLS!? THEY NEEDED HELP! AHHHHH!" And so, I stabbed him. He bled, but then, he said, "I have activated the self-destruct sequence, and you will all die! He then poofed away and the castle started to crumble.

"We have to get out of here!" yelled Taliana.

"I agree," I said, and we ran through the castle but the door was locked. We couldn't get out, even though I have teleportation powers that I seemingly almost forgot about. Maybe the castle has an anti-teleportation field in it or something, but then, Taliana called forth her magical Japanese Hummer-limo thing and it zoomed through the wall and said, "Get in, fuckers!" We all yelled in happiness and we jumped in. It flew out of the castle just as it exploded just as it did in your typical Michael Bay movie. Well, I am an awesome Gary Stu, after all, and Michael Bay is awesome too! As the car was flying, I yelled out, "FUCK YEAH!" and we flew away.

 _THE NEXT DAY_

The next day, we were going shopping at the mall looking for Sakura, Mandy, and Taliana's wedding dresses. Got, it was so boring and stupid. Who fucking likes shopping? Well, except for pussy girl bitches and stupid faggies, of course. Sakura, Mandy, and Taliana found their dresses and they looked so fucking hot. They were magic dresses that made their tits bigger and sexier, as though their L-cup tits were not already ginormous as hell. I got a huge boner so we all started to fuck. Sakura had brought a giant dildo with her, which apparently got through mall security, and shoved it into Taliana and she screamed, cumming all over her wedding dress. And then, I put my huge dick into Sakura and Mandy and fucked them.

Like, nearly everybody around us was watching, then a guy came up and said, "Wow, you have a gigantic cock. Can I have some?" And I said, "WHAT THE FUCK! HOW DARE YOU, YOU FAG! YOU'RE GROSS! EW! GUYS FUCKING GUYS ARE GROSS! GO AWAY! I'M NOT GAY! FUCK OFF! FUCK OFF, YOU NASTY WEIRDO!" I then killed him with my magical powers and he disintegrated into dust. His lesbian friend then came up to me with another girl and said, "Oh my Got, your cock is so fucking big! Can we have some? You've made us straight!" And they both jumped on it and were impaled. It was so hot.

 _THE LESBIAN'S POV(?)_

They soaked my pussy in dick juice...

 _RONAN'S POV (AGAIN. SRSLY.)_

...and I fucked them so hard. I can switch viewpoints in the same moment in time because I am a totally SEXY and awesome Gary Stu. They then had sex with Mandy, Sakura, and Taliana. They were so hot. All of them. Then, Mandy farted.

"Oopsie," she said. It was so hot; I got hard again and fucked her ass. I sprayed cum all over the mall, and even up to now, the security didn't mind, because I'm just that awesome and SEXY, after all. I then said, "You lesbians are great sluts. Bye!" And then, we left. Just like that.

When we were leaving, all of a sudden, the mall EXPLODED! There was blood everywhere and body parts splattered all over. Everybody was dead except for me, Sakura, Mandy, and Taliana. It was horrible and bad and they all cried. They laid their hands on my big pecs and said in chorus, "Oh my Got, how could this happen? We love you so much! Protect us, PLEASE!"

I then yelled unintelligible gibberish that could only be expressed in randomly-placed exclamation marks and 1's. Like this: !1!111!111!1!1111!

And then, we went home. The wedding was the next day.

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 _AN:_ _So, that was Chapter 11. It's really good; I know. And I bet you're all excited about the next chapter and I bet your pussies are wet, you sexy whores reading! I will probably post again over the weekend, so be prepared for awesome, cool shit!_


	12. Chapter 12: The Wedding

_AN: STOP SPAMMING, FUCKHEAD! DON'T YOU EVER INSULT KATIE OR ELSE IMMA DO SOMETHING TO YOU! LEAVE ME ALONE YOU FUCKER SPAM TROLL! Oh, and unnamed fucker, fuck you, okay! I AM NOT A GIRL SO JUST FUCK OFF. I CAN SAY whatever I want, so jeez! And who cares about some bitch named Tara? I'm better than her anyway so in the end, it doesn't even matter, and Harry Potter is FOR BABIES anyway, and my fic is for ADULTS! Mature people only! And you don't know anything! I'm smarter than you; I bet you! And who the fuck are you calling pathetic, Nana and Utu? But okay, down with Critics United! I'm not a MEMBER OF THEIRS, OKAY! SO, DON'T SAY I AM. I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW WHO THEY WERE UNTIL YOU SAID SOMETHING... Anyway, Katie is gonna post her fanfic on Monday! It's amazing and everybody will love it, though it's not as good as me. Though, I guess you should expect it to not be as good since she's a girl. Haha._

 _Now, here's the chapter. It's really good and I think it might be the best one I wrote yet! Some of it is inspired by my cousin's wedding that was cool. I brought Katie there and we had sex in the janitor's closet during the reception. LOL...Nobody knew! (At least, until I uploaded this shit where my gay-ass stepbrother Benji would actually read about it.) There was also alcohol there and I drank a lot and got drunk. Fuck yeah, motherfuckers!_

 **XXXXXXXXX69XXXXXXXXX**

 **CHAPTER 12: The Wedding**

It was our wedding day. It was a sexy day out; the sun was up and stuff. Sakura, Taliana, and Mandy came out in their wedding dresses. Holy shit, they were so fucking hot! Mmm! We were serving In-N-Out Burger at the wedding. In-N-Out's the best! All other burgers suck. So, anyway, they all walked down the aisle to me and they played 'Let's Go Crazy' by Prince, along with 'Do Me Baby' and 'Let's Pretend We're Married.' It was so sexy seeing them walk towards me while the songs played. Anyway, they came up though we didn't have a priest because we were all atheists, and people who believe in God are fucking stupid. They should all be put on an island in space or something, but anyway, we said "I do" and stuff and then we kissed and fucked in front of the crowd. Everybody cheered us on.

"You get that pussy, boy!" said my best friend. (Hey, Danny! [Not that Worsnop poser-faggot!] I hope you read this because that's supposed to be you!)

"Mmm yeah," I moaned. I fucked the pussy so hard and waved my dick around and all the girls in the audience got wet and horny. Those fucking sluts. So, I fucking fucked those fucking bitches and then they all had sex with each other. They were all lesbians, but I could make them straight with my huge cock. Mmm... They loved it and when they were all fucking, I came all over them. It poured on them. "Fuck yeah, take it, you sluts!" I said. Then, we all danced to Motley Crue's ' _Girls, Girls, Girls_ ' and Guns N' Roses! Then, all of a sudden, a mysterious fog came and it was...

Madara!

He said, "Congrats on getting married, but I have to kill thy!" And then, he took out his bazooka (not the one down south though) and said, "TAKETH THIS, MOTHERFUCKER!" And he bazooka'd me and everyone! And, Madara vanished. I was dead, but somehow, I can still be aware of my surroundings. Well, I am a SEXY and awesome Gary Stu, after all! All the girls were crying and screaming. They needed me. They loved me.

"Oh my Got, Ronan! You can't die... How is this possible!? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Sakura wept.

"He was too good for us and the world! That's why Ronan died! Madara is a monster!" said Taliana, and all the girls farted on me and started to cry. But then, a blue glow came from my (sexy) body and I flooded upwards, growing 69 (LOL) feet tall. I picked up all the wedding food and ate it all at once. And then, I flew away.

"He is alive! Oh my Got! We love you, Ronan! Fight Madara! Fight him!" Sakura screamed.

"It was the tears of all of us who love him that brought him back! Get it?" said Taliana to everyone. I flew to Madara and there he was! I punched him and he said, "HOW ISETH THAT THY ART ALIVETH? THOU SHOULDETH BE DEADETH!"

"But I am alive," I said. "So fuck off, fucker!" And I punched him and kicked him again. And then, I got out my machine gun and started to blast him and he blew into a bajillion pieces because my machine gun was magically Japanese. That, despite the fact that I can shoot blue light from my hands anyway. I flew back to the wedding. Everyone was having sex again and I did, too, but then, it was night and everybody went away. So, we were now married and happy now. It was great!

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 _AN: So, that was Chapter 12! Things are getting pretty neat, huh? But hey, please keep reading! And Danny, I hope you read this and KATIE, I LOVE YOU, YOU WHORE! And fuck off too, flamers! Okay?_


	13. Chapter 13: The Concert

_AN: Okay, unnamed. You just need to stop trolling. I won't FUCKING TALK TO YOU AGAIN, YOU LOSER. AND I WAS JUST EDITING THIS AND SAW YOU NOW, DRAGONHUNTER. WHAT THE FUCK? ARE YOU DRAGONHUNTER? I JUST SAW YOUR FIRST REVIEW! WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU KNOW, LOSER. I'M SMART AND YOU'RE NOT! AND WTF! WHO CARES ABOUT SEXISM? THAT DOES NOT EXIST NOW ANYWAY! AND WHY ARE YOU OFFENDED BY THE WORD 'FAG?' I BET IT'S 'CAUSE YOU'RE GAY! LOL! Though, if you're a girl and gay, that's hot, but two guys doing it is fucking gross! And I AM NOT A RAPIST! I BET YOU'RE A FEMINIST! HAHAHA! AND I BET YOU'RE OLD, TOO! LOTS OF 13-YEAR-OLDS FUCK; ONLY LOSERS DON'T! AND yes, the character does have a two-foot dick. It's based off of me. I've got a 17-inch cock. It's huge, so FUCK OFF! And what the fuck is a Gary Stu? (Yes, I'm saying this even though I do know that they're awesome, except for that pansy-ass 'metalhead elitist' poser who calls himself Rainblood White! \m/ I just want you faggots to reaffirm that shit for me!) If you're talking about my character, his name is NOT GARY STU; IT'S RONAN, OKAY, YOU IDIOT! (But he is awesome after all!) AND THERE'S NO GOOD MODERN MUSIC; I BET YOU LOVE MODERN MUSIC, LOSER! AND YOU ARE ONE!_

 _Okay, anyway. Guys, did you see the Grammys? WTF? Who were all those losers? I'm glad Bieber or Gaga didn't win anything, but WHO THE FUCK IS ARCADE FIRE? I BET THEY SUCK; THEY'RE MODERN. ANYWAY, KATIE TOLD ME HER coconut, er... account, was hacked by some asshole and that's really pissing me off. Fuck off, whoever hacked her and deleted her story. I will fucking get you. Now she doesn't want to post,but I will make her, so there. And Danny, THANKS FOR LIKING THE STORY. I WILL PUT YOU IN AGAIN. I PROMISE. BUT REMEMBER TO REVIEW ME THIS TIME, OKAY!_

 _Now, here's the 13th chapter. I wonder if it will be unlucky. LOL. I think it's my longest._

 **XXXXXXXXX69XXXXXXXXX**

 **CHAPTER 13: The Concert**

It was the next day after our marriage, and we were all happy and sexily walking around the dojouse (It's a portmanteau of dojo and house, you gay-ass idiot flamers!). It was so fucking great to be married to these fucking sluts. I was playing my guitar since I am in a band with my best friend, Tadashiharakumaie (That's you, Danny! Thanks for coming up with the name!), and the girls were sucking our huge cocks at the same time, and all of a sudden, I got a call on my iPhone. It was our manager, Shizahu. (Hey, Danny! Tell Tina that that character is supposed to look like her!)

"I HAVE GREAT NEWS FOR YOU ALL! YOU ARE SIGNED TO A RECORD LABEL NOW AND YOUR ALBUM WILL COME OUT TOMORROW! IT ALREADY HAS LOTS OF AMAZING REVIEWS! EVERYBODY LOVES YOU!" Shizahu exclaimed eagerly.

We were so excited, so we did some cocaine and got high. "Oh my Got! We're so proud of you guys!" Sakura squealed in delight. So, we fucked. We rammed their pussies tightly and hardly. Mmm... They loved it. "Fuck yeah, you sluts," I moaned. "Take it, fucking bitches!" I played my guitar while we fucked and as I did a solo, I came.

The next day, our album was released and it sold 20 million copies in one day. We were the biggest band since The Beatles, and we sounded like a cross between Prince, Led Zeppelin, and Bon Jovi. All our fans were screaming and they loved us.

The next day, we got news that we were going to hold a concert and we were all excited for it! Everybody cheered. So, it was the nighttime and then breaking news came that Lady Gaga, Drake, Justin Bieber, and all those other Top 40 Artists were in a plane crash! (Landon, you were the pilot of that plane and you survived the crash! You rock, brother! Thanks for setting that shit up for me!) And, we were the saviors of music and the only good band right now. Yes, we're more metal than Slayer! \m/ So, we went out onstage dressed as the Master Chiefs from Halo.

 _ **-Ladies and Gentlemen, we interrupt this program for a special announcement!-**_

 _(Not that Beyonce song, you twats! The video game! Well, not just any video game; it's my favorite game of all time. It fucking rocks! I tried playing that game, Bioshock, which my gay-ass brother Benji said was better. And man, that fucking sucked. That's so fucking boring! Who cares about a society under water and what the fuck does some bitch named Ayn Rand have to do with a fucking video game? What the fuck is that? And NO,bro, I will not play Bioshock 2! I bet that sucks too! What the hell is "collectivism" and why would they make a video game about it? You're dumb, Benji. Uhm, anyway, I also love GTA and stuff, though not GTA 4! That sucked, bro, and so does your game Okami! That's not what Japan is like! Anyway, sorry, that all goes out to my gay-ass stepbrother Benji. He's reading this and he says it fucking sucks, BUT HE SUCKS. HE DOESN'T KNOW SHIT AND IS MEAN TO ME SO FUCK, YOU, BENJI, YOU VIRGIN 16-year-old DUMBASS. Got, he sucks. All my other older bros rock! [Matthew and Landon, you guys are awesome!) But he fucking sucks. What an idiot!)_

 _ **-...aaaaaand we're back!-**_

The next night, I came into the girls' room and they were all having sex with everybody. Mmm... Those fucking whores. Mmm... Yeah. I came in and ate their pussies. Yummy skanks. And then, somebody rushed in and said, "Hey, guys! ...Oops, I didn't mean to interrupt, but hey! You've got a concert tonight!"

We couldn't believe it was our first concert ever! And when we went there, the crowd was huge; like, 5 million people were there! I couldn't believe they all waited out there for more than a fucking day because we were too busy fucking backstage, and even when we did show up the day before, we didn't play a damn song! How professional of us! Again, we went on stage after wearing the same HALO Master Chief costumes from last night. And the announcer on stage said, "Okay! Here they are! The best band in the world right now! You all love them. It's... TITTY MONSTA!"

We came up onstage for the nth time and everybody cheered. The sound was so loud, and we started to rock the fuck out like motherfuckers. Our songs blasted the audience and we sounded so amazing.

 _"YEAH, YEAH, GIRL!_  
 _WANNA FUCK YOU HARD!_  
 _TIGHT LITTLE PUSSY!_  
 _MY DICK'S HARD!"_

I sang, and everybody was wowed, but... THEN SOMEBODY SHOWED UP ON STAGE! IT WAS TALIANA! "HAHA, RONAN! HOW YOU HAVE FALLEN, YOU RETARD! I BETRAYED YOU ALL THIS TIME AND YOU DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT IT! LOL! By the way, your music rocks." ZAP! She blasted the audience with a dark mist that, obviously, blasted them and made the crowd musty! When the smoke cleared, they were ALL DEAD! "HAHA! I FOOLED YOU!" SAID TALIANA. "I HAVE WON!" Then, Madara SHOWED UP OUT OF THE MIST AND HE BOUND US IN LEATHER STRAPS AND TELEPORTED US to his lair. It was a can!

"Thee almost made me rolleth on the floor to laugheth at thy stupidity. You dummies felleth for the trap! You see, Taliana hath always been beneath my serviprentice! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" he cackled. Wait, is 'serviprentice' supposed to be a portmanteau of 'servitude' and 'apprentice?' Damn, I must've missed an awful lot from that lame-ass Shakespearean literature class back in Los Alamitos! We were bound like caged sluts. I tried to battle him but I couldn't. These leather straps must be imbued with powers that would disable me from using the hot beams of blue light that came out of my hands.

"Muahahaha! Thou shall never escapeth me! Thy shall meet thou doom tonighteth!" I figured that I would use my powers of telekinesis to untie the leather straps from myself, from my bandmates, and from my three wives, and I flew at him, but Taliana interrupted me. "JUST STOP THERE, YOU FUCKER! YOU'RE DEAD!" She pulled out a large gun; it was obviously enormous and it was attached to her. "HAHAHA!" she screamed and blasted me. "NO!" I said, but it was too late. I was hurt by it, and then Madara stood up, grabbed Mandy, and started to chew on her. "Mmm... she is delicious! I can taste her pussy juice!" he said, and he ate her!

"YOU ARE a monster!" I said.

"Hahahahaha! You stupid ignoramus! (Thanks for the help, Benji, though you still suck! Fag!) You are a shithead and shall dieth!"

"NO, YOU WILL DIE, YOU GIRLY COCKSUCKER!" I screamed. BUT THEN...

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 _ _AN:_ Okay, so I had to stop there. My mom said to come down to dinner. We are going to eat Vietnamese. Got, that's nasty! We should just eat In-N-Out or pizza! Anyway, so the story is freakin' awesome, ain't it? It will continue and be more awesome, too! I can't wait for chapter 14! I will have to post it this weekend! THANKS, FELLOW ROCKERS, FOR LOVING THE STORY! AND DANNY, REVIEW THIS OR ELSE, FUCKER!_


	14. Chapter 14: The Next Concert

__AN:_ Okay, so you just stop spamming NOW, DRAGONHUNTER, or I WILL CALL THE POLICE! What are you even talking about, AND WHAT THE FUCK IS A SQUICK? SPEAK ENGLISH, STUPID! You're just a poser fucker and yeah, Harry Potter is stupid! Only dumb people like it! It's for little kiddies! I saw the movies! What the hell is up with it? Only losers like you and my brother Benjamin like Harry Potter. ANIME AND NARUTO IS BETTER THAN WESTERN SHIT SO GO AWAY, YOU DUMMY! AND I KNOW MY CHARACTER'S NAME IS RONAN! Besides, you're a Christian so your opinion doesn't matter. Anyway, I don't care what you think! Oh, yeah, and my story doesn't have plot holes! THE STORY IS ABOUT RONAN AND HIM LOVING SAKURA AND SEXY TIMES! SEE, DOES THAT HAVE PLOT HOLES? AND HEY, YOU! JUST GET THE FUCK OFF, OTAKU! YOU DON'T KNOW SHIT, TROLL! I AM 13 AND MY GF IS REAL SO GET THE HELL OUTTA HERE!_

 _Okay, so anyway, I had the worst night out. Remember when I said I went out to Vietnamese? Well, I bumped into Katie and her parents there and then everybody started to talk and they found out that we were having sex, so now we're grounded! (Maybe because I posted about my shenanigans on the internet where everybody can fucking read it?) MY MOM SAID THAT SHE IS TAKING AWAY MY ALLOWANCE AND THAT I'M NOT MATURE ENOUGH TO HAVE SEX SO NOW I'M IN MY ROOM ALONE DOING NOTHING FOR THE WHOLE WEEKEND! (When masturbation loses its fun, it means I'm fucking lonely.) She is ABUSING ME AND so is my BROTHER BENJI. HE AGREED WITH HER AND HE CAME INTO MY ROOM AND TOOK BACK HIS, OR RATHER MY, PLAYSTATION 3! WHAT THE FUCK!? THAT IS MINE, YOU ASSHOLE! Well, at least my dad and other bros (Landon and Matthew) are being really supportive and my dad said that my mom was being harsh, that boys like sex and should have it, and that Katie was very attractive too. Yep, I was not creeped out by that last thing he said. That one about finding his son's girlfriend attractive. Not one bit creeped out at all. And, all my brothers except for Benji (loser) all gave my high fives SO THERE. FUCK YOU, MOM AND BENJI! HAHA! ALL MY FRIENDS AND INTERNET PEOPLE SEEING THIS... I BET THEY WILL CALL SOCIAL SERVICES ON YOU GUYS!_

 _Um, anyway, so here's the next chapter. It's really long and it'll prove to you fuckers that I'm a gotdamn great writer and you can all fuck off! By the way, it's really exciting and things get crazy!_

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 **CHAPTER 14: THE NEXT CONCERT**

HE RAN AT ME AND ROARED, "I WILL KILL YOU, bitch!" And then I said, "NOBODY CALLS ME A FUCKING BITCH! NOT YOU, NOT ANYBODY, YOU FUCKING FAG! YOU ARE GONE, DICK SUCKER!" And then, all of a sudden, I TURNED INTO MY GIGANTIC BLUE EYES WHITE DRAGON FORM AND I BLEW MY FIERY BREATH AT HIM AND HE WAS BURNT TO DEATH BUT HE GOT UP FROM IT AND SAID, "YOU LOSE!"

"WHAT THE FUCK? NO! YOU LOSE, OIDIPOT!" I SAID. (Wait, what the fuck is a Oidipot, you ask? Well, whatever, you motherfucker! Because I am an awesome Gary Stu, I can make up new insults on the fly, you Oidipotic fag-ended flamer! Suck my fuck!) And then, Taliana said, "No! He is right! You lose! Join us on the bad side!" AND I DID because my secret ancient Japanese spirit inside me grew out and showed how evil it is by killing a cat. (Cats drool, and dogs rule, fuckers! LOL!) "YES! MUWAHAHAHA! I HAVE POWER! I AM EVIL! HAHAHA!" my ancient Japanese spirit roared. (Wait, did I just fucking admit that I lost because some dumb bitch said so?)

"NO! NO! NO! YOU CAN'T!" SCREAMED SAKURA AND MANDY, BUT Taliana teleported them away and they landed in the middle of the ocean.

"I STILL LOVE THEM, YOU CUNT!" I screamed and blasted her with blackness and she blew up. Anyway, it was the next day and everybody was being cool at Madara's lair. We were all smoking and shit. Madara had just gotten lots of henchwomen and they were all sexy and lesbian and whenever I clapped my hands, they would all have sex with each other for me. One day, I had gotten so horny. They all sucked my dick in a row. "Mmm... It's delicious! Master, cum on us please," one of them said."I came and it flooded the room. They all drank it.

The next morning, I got a call from Shizahu, my manager. She said that I had another concert and so I did. I went on stage on top of the Hollywood sign and everybody was there but they didn't know it was an evil plot by me, Taliana, and Madara.

"HELLO, EVERYBODY! WELCOME TO THE SHOW! YOU ALL HAVE GOOD TASTE! ANYBODY ELSE WHO ISN'T HERE HAS SHIT TASTE! NOW, LET'S ROCK OUT WITH OUR COCKS OUT, BITCHES!" And I began to sing.

 _"AAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!_  
 _MY DICK IS LIKE A BIG FAT ROCKET!_  
 _AND YOUR PUSSY'S LIKE A HOLE_  
 _AND I FUCK YOU HARD_  
 _AND I'VE GOT A HUGE POLE!"_

I went on to play my guitar solo and all the girls in the audience started to drip from their cunts and it started to make a pool of pussy juice below the stage so I dived in and then all the girls jumped on me and sucked my dick and I came and then went back onstage and kept playing.

 _"FUCKING SLUT!_  
 _YOU UGLY WHORE!_  
 _YOU HURT MY HEART!_  
 _YOU FUCKING BITCH!_  
 _JUST DIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! FUCK YOU!"_ I sang.

"THANK YOU, EVERYBODY! GOOD NIGHT!" I said.

And then, I went to sign autographs. "OH MY GOT, RONAN! I LOVE TITTY MONSTA! WE LOVE YOU SO MUCH! YOU'RE SO FUCKING HOT! PLEASE AUTOGRAPH OUR TITS!" they said. I said, "As long as you both kiss." "Oh, okay! We're lesbians!" they said sexily, so they fucked right in front of me. Then I said, "Take these whores backstage." And they did. There were twelve groupies and Taliana waiting.

"Mmm, yeah. Let's fuck," Taliana said seductively in her deep, yet feminine voice. I was so hard that my cock ripped through my tight pants.

"SO BIG!" yelled one of the skanks. And they all raced to me and began to suck it a lot.

"Oh my Got, it tastes so good! More! More! More! Please, give us more!" So I did. I fucked all of them, impaling them on my cock. I fucked them so hard that the room had blood all over it. Oh, yeah, and Taliana made them suck her tits and they did. They sucked them hard and then she squirted milk and it covered the girls. And then, I came right while I was fucking them with a spiked metal dildo that was double-headed and went into their cunts and butts at the same time. They loved it, those dumb hoes. And then they were all stretched out so they all started to fart and queef when they left.

"Mmm... Fuck yeah, Ronan! We love you!" they said. The farts came from them and they all touched my muscles as they left. I smelled around, and it smelled sexy. I got a boner and brought Taliana's head down to my huge dick and gave her a facial and then Taliana said, "IT IS NOW TIME, RONAN!" And so it was obviously fucking time already and we both went onstage.

Then, all of a sudden, a huge piece of thunder came down! It electrocuted everybody and they all died, except for Taliana. "Oh my Got, I didn't mean for this to happen! MUWAHAHAHAHAHA!" she roared. "I didn't either! It's so sad! Oh well..." I replied. And then, Madara showed up but then a huge lightning banged the sky (like I bang Sakura) and so did thunder, and then...

I STABBED HIM! HE BLED AND WAS STABBED! "NOOOOOOOOO! WHAT IS THIS!? THIS IS NOT POSSIBLE, YOU FREAKY MAN!" he said, and then he blew up in a black,cloudy smoke! "Why did you do that to the master, Ronan!?" Taliana asked."BECAUSE I AM A DOUBLE-AGENT!" And then, Sakura came from behind Taliana and slapped her and then they fell into the muddy pussy juice pool below the stage and started to fight.

"No, you don't, you fucking bitch skank whore ass!" they said simultaneously and they rolled around. "I LOVE RONAN!" said Taliana.  
"NO, I LOVE HIM!" said Sakura.

"I LOVE YOU BOTH. LET'S GO!" I said.

"BUT I CAN'T!" said Taliana. "I am EVIL and so are you!"

But then, Madara showed up. "You are evil. It is your destiny, Ronan! Muwahahahahahahaha!"

"NO! NO! NOOOOOOOO!" I shouted as I teleported to the dojo.

The next day after teleporting to the dojo, I was tired and didn't know what to do. Sakura was there and she said, "I love you! You aren't evil."

But I said, "I am _kind of_ evil." And she said, "Okay. _Kind of_ evil is sexy. Bad boys are hot! Fuck yeah!" We fucked. I fucked her so hard that my dick went into her stomach and she barfed on me because of it. It was so sexy but gross

"What the fuck, bitch!? Why'd you do such a sexy thing?" I said as I hotly slapped her face. She said it was because she loved me, but then I saw TALIANA STANDING IN THE RAIN.

"I HATH COME TO KILL SAKURA!" Madara said.

"NOOO! I CAN'T JOIN! I DON'T KNOW WHY I AM SO POWERFUL AND GREAT!" I replied. But then, Madara screamed, "JAKE! YOU MUST KNOWETH SOMETHING! TALIANA! SHE IS THOU MOTHER!"

"What!? How is this possible!? NOOOOOOOO!" I yelled, and, "RAAAAAAGGGGHHHHHH!" I screamed. "YOU OIDIPOT!" So as it turns out, my ability to invent insults on the fly is actually foreshadowing in disguise. And again, who the hell is Jake?

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 _AN: Okay, so that's Chapter 14. It's really good, right? OH YEAH, hey! Thanks, DANNY FOR THE REVIEW, AND GO AWAY, YOU OIDIPOTIC FLAMERS!_

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Jimmy's Note:

 **Oidipot** \- /'i dē pɒt/ [Gr. _Oedipus_ _Οἰδίπους_ , the mythical king; Eng. _idiot_ , a dim-witted person] _noun._

1\. a slow-witted person who (usually) has amorous and/or sexual relationships with his own female parent; motherfucker.  
2\. people who criticize Jake Tanner, the awesomest fanfic writer in the universe; flamers.

Example: It's kinda ironic that _Ronan himself_ is actually an oidipot.

oidipotic, adjective.  
oidipotically, adverb.


	15. Chapter 15: The Mother

__AN:_ Okay, Bluer Shmeterling, who the fuck are you? You don't know anything, so just go away, okay? And I'm not a troll. Trolling is for losers! And THAT'S WHAT I THINK, and no, Katie, never peed in my pet moth. (She did pee in my mouth though.) Although I actually asked her to. SRSLY. And, I can call Katie a bitch because she's my girlfriend. She loves it, much unlike that Joanna girl that that loser el-Jimmeister seems to be fawning over. (She's pretty hot though.) Yeah... Katie. That fucking whore. AND YES, THEY DO THINGS OTHER THAN SUCK COCK. THEY ARE VERY POWERFUL AND DO LOTS OF INTERESTING THINGS! THEY ARE JUST REALLY GOOD AT GIVING HEAD TO RONAN! I CAN TALK TO MY FAMILY HOWEVER I WANT TO! MY MOM AND BROTHER FUCKING SUCK ANYWAY! UNNAMED, I BET A LOSER LIKE YOU WOULD LIKE STUFF MY BROTHER LIKES, SO GO OFF! AND I KNOW A LOT ABOUT JAPAN; THEY EAT SUSHI THERE AND THEY MAKES LOTS OF ELECTRONICS AND STUFF! Ryuuranger, MY FIC IS BETTER THAN THAT BITCH'S STORY, MY IMMORTAL OR WHATEVER. IT'S NOT ABOUT STUPID HARRY POTTER, SO HAHA! And what the fuck is Half Life Full Life? I mean, I guess I've heard of the game but... AND YOU ARE A NOBODY! Women are not slaves! Go away, freak! I am not a pervert! I am just very sexual! AND THEN BENJI, GO THE FUCK AWAY; LEAVE ME ALONE, YOU ASSHOLE! I KNEW I SHOULD'VE NOT SHOWN YOU THE STORY, YOU FATTY FUCK! YOU, BENJI, ARE A FAGGOT AND ARE STUPID! GO AWAY! I CAN'T KEEP RESPONDING TO YOU OIDIPOTS. STOP FLAMING NOW!_

 _Anyway, so I'm still grounded, and will be until fucking Tuesday. What a bunch of fucking bullshit crap! I've got nothing to do except write the fanfic and stuff. Got, my life fucking sucks, and fuck you, mom. And fuck you even more, Benji! Did you know that Benji doesn't have any friends and he's a virgin and he's, like, doing science and history? He's such a fucking stupid nerd and he's ugly too. Nobody likes him. And oh my Got, HAHAHA. I saw him watching that show, Degrassi, the other night. What a faggot! Who the fuck watches that except for girls? Well, him, I guess. LOL. He's so dumb. He listens to lots of shitty music too! Some shit like Goldfrapp, Arcade Fire, The Replacements, Lady Gaga, L7, Hole, and Nirvana. What the fuck is all that shit? What a fucking idiot. AND HE LIKES HIP-HOP AND COUNTRY! WHAT THE FUCK!? Got, the only good thing he was good for was showing me Led Zeppelin when I was a kid. Other than that, he has shit taste in everything. Fucking loser. Get the hell off of my fucking life! Okay, I'm sorry. I guess I shouldn't talk so much about him but he just fucking sucks! I'm really fucking angry at him right now! That loser._

 _Okay, guys. Anyway, I GOT REALLY GOOD NEWS! Katie posted her story! Finally! It's pretty good and it's Bleach, though not as good as mine... but still. Read it and review it! Her tits, er... HERE IT IS: Since I cannot post links on FFN, go to the profile of one_ KatiekinzAnimeLuver96 _and read her story._

 _YOU ALL BETTER LIKE IT BECAUSE SHE STILL HAS THREE PARTS LEFT!_

 _Okay, so now, here's the story._

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 **CHAPTER 15: THE MOTHER**

"TALIANA IS NOT MY MOTHER, YOU FUCKING PEDO!" I screamed.

"Yes, she is thy mother, thou cannot denyeth it!"

"NOOO! NOOO! NEVER! But she's so hot; she can't be my mom!"

"SHE IS! ACCEPTETH IT NOW, FUCKER!" Madara yelled.

Taliana came to me after she appeared in a cloud of smoke. "I am your mother, Ronan!"

"AHHHHHHHHHHH!" I shouted in what seemed to despair as I teleported to a cliff by the sea. That fucking hot bitch can't be my mom; she just can't. That fucking whore! Then, Sakura came up behind me and confirmed what I feared the most. "But she is, Ronan. Accept it!"

"Okay, fine," I said stolidly, not giving a shit now despite the things that had happened just mere moments ago. "She is."

"Yes, she is," Sakura replied. "Now, Ronan, I love you. You can't love her anymore. She's your mom. We must divorce that fucking bitch and then we can run away forever." And we teleported back, but when we did, everything was different. It was dark, nobody was there, and we saw a calendar... we were in the future!

"How is this possible!?" I screamed.

"I don't know," said Sakura, then Mandy came up to us.

"Oh, hey guys," she greeted us.

"I thought you were dead," we said.

"When he ate me, I got put back together in his stomach and then was pooped out," Mandy explained.

"Oh, okay," I said, then I kissed her despite the fact that she just came from some dude's gnarly asshole. Well, she is so fucking hot: not as hot as Sakura, but still. She was so fucking hot, and yes, I need to say that again. We began to walk to the dojo. It was sunny out and it was time to practice. We were all sweaty, and I had a boner. Sakura and Mandy were gassy and farting all over. The room was so sexy-smelling, then I looked over and saw Mandy and Sakura fucking. Sakura was slicing Mandy with a katana. It was fucking hot. Mandy was bleeding, but she didn't die or anything, so it's okay, at least to my fucked-up sense of what is okay.

"Mmm... yeah. You take it, you ugly slut," said Sakura to Mandy, even though they are supposed to look alike. And she fucked her so hard that I came over there and started to fuck Mandy's ass while I fisted Sakura in her pussy and ass. Her ass jiggled as I put my arm in and shoved it up there. I could feel her farting on my arm. I could feel the inside of her, and there was poop, but not much. Anyway, my arm was warm from the gas. It was so fucking hot and I was fucking Mandy vigorously.

"OH... UGH... YEAH... FUCK MY ASS! FUCK IT! FUCK IT! YEEEEEEEEAAAAHHHHH..." said Mandy, and then I came. Her stomach bloated from all my cum so I got up and stood on her stomach and she barfed all the cum up onto Sakura, so it looked like Sakura had gotten a giant facial, but she hadn't; it was Mandy's barf. Got, it was so sexy. Then, Mandy and Sakura started to make out and touch each other's tits. Sakura shoved her tit into Mandy's mouth and squeezed it to milk it. Mandy drank all the milk, then peed it out for Sakura to drink. I got hard again, so this time, I fucked Sakura in the pussy. Got, she loved it. I could see the head of my dick bulging out her stomach, and so my dick went further in and went into her breast. The cum squirted out mixed with milk, and Mandy drank it.

As we walked outside the next day, we were talking, but then, all of a sudden, Taliana appeared from out of nowhere and said, "SON, YOU MUST STAY ON THE DARK SIDE! NOT WITH THESE WHORES!"

"NO I CAN'T, MOM! I HAVE TO STAY WITH THEM. I LOVE THEM!"

"NO, YOU DON'T!"

"YES, I DO!" I insisted. We argued all night, and the next morning, we fought. I threw punches at her, but it was no use, and then Madara showed up. He picked up Sakura and Mandy. "I haveth them with me! You join, or they dieth!"

"Okay, I give up," I replied without hesitation or second thought, which was actually pretty fucking out of character for an arrogant prick, or rather, a SEXY AND AWESOME GARY STU, such as I. "I join." And so, we flew off into the night. We started to plan our evil plan.

"What should we do!? Muahahahahahahahaha!" Yelled Taliana to Madara.

"Well, I don't know... I think we should attack a part of the Shinobi Nation?"

"Yes, that is a great idea!" yelled Taliana as she let out a wicked laugh.

"We should attack this house. It is evil; I can sense it!" I said, and they agreed, even though I actually contradicted them by saying that a house should be attacked because it is evil, when in fact, we ourselves are supposed to be evil. Well, I guess that is just one of my numerous Gary Stu skills, amirite?

"Let us killeth them," roared Orochimaru, er... Madara.

"There is the house, Madara!" yelled Taliana to Madara. Why the hell do they have to always yell, anyway? We swooped down to it and I said hello to the man inside. He said his name is Benji (HAHA) and then I said, "Fuck you, you're evil! I sense it!"

"You're right," Benji replied. "Die!" He tried to hurt me but he was a stupid fag so he couldn't do it right, and I blew up the house and he was all dead. Body parts flew everywhere, blood was everywhere, and he was dead, if that should not be fucking obvious by now. And then I said that I have to piss, and I did. I peed all over him. LOL.

"Myaghahahahahahahaha!" I laughed as the golden fluid drenched his mangled corpse, and we flew off.

Back at the lair, I was sitting by our black, evil pool. Yes, really, there is such a thing; the 'water' is made of the blackened insides of Benji, the man I had pissed on a while ago and whose house we blew up. Taliana swam up and said, "You are my son, and I love you. Now let's fuck."

"I can't fuck you; you're my mom!" I said, and I made sense for once. But then, she said, "Well, only kind of, so it's okay."

Kind of? What? But still. Fucking someone who is kind of my mom is not o-fucking-ka-"Oh, I see. Okay, let's fuck," I said, interrupting my own train of thought, as though something was controlling my mind. I dunno. Whatever. I like fucking anyway; I know that damn well!

So, we fucked in the pool. I dragged her under and fucked her huge, drooping, loose pussy that swayed back and forth when she walked. I wrapped her long pussy lips around my big fucking cock and I fucked her hard.

"Oh, yeah! Uh! Uh! Uh!" she moaned, orgasming so hard that she shat herself and drowned.

"NOOOO! TALIANA!" I yelled. I tried to save her but she was dead. I tried to give her CPR, but it didn't work. "No, you fucking dumb whore! Why are you dead!?" I screamed. But then, her eyes opened and she awoke. "It's okay; I am alive," she said. We kissed, then walked to the dinner table where Madara was.

"We must kill Sakura and Mandy," he said.

"NO! YOU CAN'T! I LOVE THEM!"

"BUT YOU ARE EVIL NOW! WE MUST!"

"NOOOOO!" I yelled, but I couldn't stop it. We had to kill those bitches, so we went to the dojo and they were having sex when we arrived.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!"

It was... Taliana! "Oh my Got, that is so hot! I must join now!" she said. She did join, and all three of them had sex.

"I can't kill them; I love them and Ronan!" she said.

"NO, YOU MORONIC RETARD!" yelled Madara, then all of a sudden, I killed Mandy!

"Why did you do that, Ronan? You loved Mandy!" Sakura asked.

"I HAD TO KILL ONE OF YOU, AND I LOVE YOU AND TALIANA MORE!"

"I understand," Sakura replied, and I blasted Madara with a blue light and turned into my spirit Japanese dragon. I stomped on him, but he still ran away. WTF.

The next day, it was sunny and pretty out when I woke up and walked cruelly around the house, but everybody was gone. And how you walk cruelly? That is a mystery, but it helps to kick any cat or dog you pass by.

"Madara has taken us! Help!" said a note. Hasn't this happened before? Hmm. But anyway, I knew I had to find them, so I teleported to the lair and there they were, but then, Taliana said that she was still evil and still working for Madara, so I punched her and teleported away with Sakura.

"We should divorce her, I think," said Sakura, and I agreed, so we went to get a divorce from her.

"You must get her to the court if you want a divorce," said the man who worked at the Shinobi Court. So, I teleported back to the lair and kidnapped Taliana. And we went back.

"Here she is," I said, and obviously, she was there with us.

"Why have you brought me?" she asked, and then we, or rather, Sakura answered. "We are divorcing you, BITCH," Sakura obviously said.

Then, we went into the court room and the hearing started. The judge agreed with us and the divorce, but then, a man stood up and said, "I OBJECTETH TO THE RULING!' It was Madora, the Madonna wannabe who is actually Madara!

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 _END OF CHAPTER 15. I know it's great right now, but it's gonna be even greater! Trust me, fuckers! And don't flame! Anybody, please! This is a great story and I have lots of fans too! Fuck the fuck off!_


	16. Chapter 16: The Trial

_AN: Who the fuck are you, ghostmactravis!? Get the fuck off; you don't know anything! And GO AWAY, SPAM TROLL WPMAN! Okay, so Otaku, I know the religion, there is Buddhism or some dumb religion, like they all are, and the gods are Buddha and some other people. And the story right now is pain left and Mara wants to get all of the tail beasts to control the world, and the leaders of the Ninja Villages don't want to help, so they are all working together to defeat him and Naruto is going to fight Sasuke. That could kill them both, and he is controlling the fox power to try and defeat Sasuke. SEE, I KNOW THE PLOT, DUMMIE. And then who are you, realabumefan? KATIE IS NOT A BETTER WRITER THAN ME; SHE ISN'T GOOD, BUT SHE IS GOOD FOR A GIRL BUT NOT AS GOOD AS ME, LOSER! But that's such a dumb question and it's a trick question too! Japan is called JAPAN, idiot! Though it's called the Republic of Japan, too, and there's Harajuku. I DON'T KNOW THAT BECAUSE OF GWEN STEFANI, I SWEAR, and there's that one area with the big electronic billboards, it's like Shibooba, or something, and Kyoto has that American area and stuff, and Cowboy Bebop is about weird people on a spaceship in the future and they're bounty hunters and stuff. Neon Genesis Evangelion is about religion, and Gundam is about giant robots, and 11 Eyes is a guy with 11 eyes. DUH! Anyway, I've never seen the other stuff, but it's only because I love Naruto so much that I spend all my time on it! SEE, I KNOW A LOT ABOUT JAPAN. I'M NOT STUPID; I'M SMART! YOU PEOPLE ARE THE ONES WHO ARE DUMB, AND DID YOU KNOW THAT JAPAN WAS IN WORLD WAR I (ha!), AND THEY HAD NUKES DROPPED ON THEM!? I BET YOU DIDN'T! AND I KNOW WHO MADARA IS: IF YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT HIS VOICE, HE TALKS LIKE THAT BECAUSE HE WENT BACK IN TIME TO THE 1800S AND THEY TALKED LIKE THAT THEN SO NOW HE DOES, TOO. And now you, dragonhunter. Fuck you! Fucking bitch, I can call the police and THEY WILL BELIEVE ME; I KNOW A FRIEND OF MY DAD WHO WORKS THERE. HE CAN ARREST YOU. And who cares about squick, or whatever? Shut up, fucker. Whatever, you were spamming. I haven't gotten any critiques yet, so there. And whatever, only dumb people like you like Harry Potter, so whatever! I DID TRY TO READ THE FIRST ONE, BUT IT WAS BORING. BESIDES, MAGIC DOESN'T EXIST, SO THAT'S DUMB! (But it's not like Naruto-style ninjitsu does actually exist, right?) What the fuck is a chortle and a treacle? Who the fuck writes like that!? It's a deal because Christianity is wrong, and religion has caused all bad stuff. Ever. DON'T YOU EVER THREATEN MY DAD AND BROTHERS! I WAS RAISED RIGHT! HAHA, I BET YOU WON'T EVEN TALK ABOUT THE MATURE THINGS BECAUSE YOU KNOW YOU'D LOSE! NO, the other reviews suck so whatever! My characters fight and stuff, okay? It's great action, AND what the fuck is a prep? Whatever it is, you can't call me that, bitch! I CAN KEEP WRITING, YOU FUCKERS! STOP FLAMING!_

 _Anyway, so hey, cunts. Did you see I'm on Twitter now? Cum and follow me! My handle is animejake. Anyway, okay. I am so glad I'M NOT GROUNDED ANYMORE! THE PARENTS LET ME OUT; THOUGH MY MOM TRIED TO STOP ME FROM NOT BEING GROUNDED, MY DAD SHOWED HER WHO'S BOSS! The man. That's right! LOL! Anyway, Katie is still grounded after school, so no fucking for a while. It's gonna be just Vaseline and maybe some hentai for me. (At least, for once, I show myself to be a loyal boyfriend, right?) But I'm gonna make up for missed time, believe me! LMAO! Also, Katie is gonna post Chapter 2 of Reaper Girl and she forgot to turn on anonymous reviews, but now it's on, so anonymous people can obviously review, though don't flame. DON'T FLAME! She is upset she didn't get more reviews except for the one which devastated her. FUCK YOU, asshole. I'll cum (come) to your house! Anyway, yeah. Also, I will be away until Sunday, so no new chapters until then._

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 **CHAPTER 16: THE TRIAL**

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU doing here, Madara? You don't belong here!" I shouted.

"I AM A WITNESS," he said to us. The judge said that the ruling wasn't Vlad, or rather, valid because Madara objected to it.

"You are not divorced anymore. NEXT CASE!" I killed the judge; he was actually evil and corrupt so we left the courthouse in anger.

"HOW THE FUCK CAN HE DO THIS!?" yelled Sakura, but then Madara came out and so did Taliana.

"MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! YOU LOSE!" they yelled, and they blasted us with their powers and we were blown down.

"Hey, you can't do that, fucker!" I yelled back, but they didn't listen.

"I WILL HAVE SEX WITH SAKURA NOW!" said Madara.

"NO! YOU WON'T!" I yelled, but it was too late; he started to fuck her, and she hated it.

"STOP! STOP NOW!" I yelled, and then I turned into my spirit form. I headbutted him and he fell back. He was very badly hurt and Taliana said, "YOU WILL NOT HURT HIM, ASSHOLES!" So, she sucked Madara's cock to revive him and then they laughed cruelly.

"Mwahahahahahahahaha! We shall leave now! But we will be back for revenge when you least expect it!" They flew away and we lay on the ground hurt, so I teleported us all back to the dojo.

"It is not safe to be here. We must leave, I think," Sakura said.

"Okay," I said. So I teleported us to space. We were in a dojo that floated through space. It was the only safe place to be. In the space, we were really horny, so we started to fuck. I could see Sakura's pussy; it was so wet and needed to be fucked, but then Taliana showed up!

"MUAHAHAHAHA! I HAVE FOUND YOU!" But then, she saw my gigantic cock and began to suck it because it was delicious.

"Mmm... your cock is so big, though you are still my enemy, by the way," she said as she licked the shaft and then, she farted.

"POOPS!" she roared, and then Sakura came to her, and Taliana grew 12 feet high again, and Sakura crawled into her cunt and licked it, lapping up the pussy juice, but then I forgot she was in there and began to fuck Taliana with my huge, three-inch long (Ha!) dick and Sakura was still in the pussy, so while I fucked, she was slapped against Taliana's cunt walls and Taliana's cunt flaps began to flap while I fucked her, slapping my dick wildly. And I kept fucking and fucking, and Taliana moaned.

"Oh, yes, fuck! Yes, fucker! Mmmm... HUGE DICK IN ME!" My cock head kept slamming into Sakura's stomach so hard she barfed all over my cock. It was so gross but so hot as my dick went deeper, it finally touched Taliana's huge cervix.

"OOOH! AHHH! OOOOOO! EEEEEE! EHHH!" She orgasmed so much that the cunt juice was pouring from her and it nearly drowned Sakura, so Sakura was unCUNTscious (LAMO.). I pulled out and Sakura came along with my dick and so then I turned Sakura over and fucked her ass. It was so tight. I fucked her fast, and then Taliana fisted Sakura's pussy hard and then Taliana peed on Sakura, and Sakura guzzled the piss. It tasted like Taliana's pussy juice, so it tasted like marshmallows and lemons. It was so good. Then, all of a sudden, the house was falling apart in space, and we were being sucked into a black hole.

"OHHHHHHHHH NOOOOO! NOT LIKE THIS! AHHHHH!" I shouted. The black hole sucked us in while we were still fucking. We were twerking into it.

"WHAT THE FUCK!?" yelled Sakura.

And then, luckily, I teleported us out of there, but we were teleported to a desert.

"Where are we?" they asked, because they weren't smart.

"We are in the Shinobi Desert," I said.

"How would we get out?" Sakura asked. We didn't know. We walked for days, even though I have teleportation powers, and while we were talking, Taliana revealed the most shocking secret ever.

"I am not Taliana; there is no Taliana."

"What the fuck are you talking about, you fucking bitch?" said Sakura.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"I AM... SAKURA'S TWIN OF DARKNESS!"

"NOOO! NOOO! THIS CAN'T BE! THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE! NO!"

But it was too late!

"MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" she took off her Taliana mask and showed her face; she looked like Sakura, but had black hair and was pale. She was evil!

"This is not happening! No! It's not! It can't be! NOOOOOOO!" I yelled. "I always sense it."

And then...

Madara showed up!

"MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! You have finally revealeth out master plan, haven't thy, Taliana?" he said. But if there's no Taliana, why did he still call her by that name?

"YES, THESE FOOLS FELL FOR IT! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" she said.

"But you have not heard the best part of our plan," yelled Mosari, who is most likely one of Madara's henchmen. "WE HAVE FOUND THE KEY TO DESTROYING THE WORLD! AND YOU ARE IT, RONAN! YOU CAN DESTROY THE WORLD! NOW, JOIN US!"

"NOOOOOO! NEVER!" I yelled, and I stabbed Madara, but he flew off with Mosari because I have a below-average accuracy stat for a Gary Stu.

"You will join us, asshole," Taliana said.

"NOTE!" I said. "Note to yourself that I will never do such a thing!" I tried to kill her, but she left, again because I have horrid dexterity for a SEXY AND AWESOME Gary Stu. Got, that bitch was so fucking hot though, and she was Sakura's evil twin. What could I do? I didn't know.

The next day, we went to court and got a divorce from Taliana. We celebrated by drinking, doing cocaine and fucking hard.

"We will win!" we yelled.

"But I'm so scared of you! What if you destroy the world!?" she yelled back.

"Sakura, I know you're scared, but calm down."

"Protect me, fucker," she said and she held me, hugging my huge, muscular pecs and arms. I was fucking ripped. Then, she rode me cowgirl-style and I fucked her hard. Her tits bounced back and forth. She shoved them in my face and I drank the milk from them.

"Mmmm... delicious!" I moaned. Then, my best friend, Tadashiharakumaie, came over and said, "RONAN, YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE IT! Taliana, Sakura's evil twin, has started a band with Madara! And they are really good, though not as good as us, but they challenge you!"

"THIS CANNOT BE!" I replied to him. But it was! Taliana was huge! We were the two biggest bands ever, and we were going to fight each other with our songs!

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 _END OF CHAPTER 16. Hey guys, I'm glad I got fan e-mails. Here's one:_

 _"hey jake ur a gr8 righter love ur work! got my pussy real wet"_

 _And then there was also this one:_

 _"mm fuck yeah ur damn good fucker! i want 2 touch ur muscles jake"._

 _SEE, FUCKERS? I HAVE FANS! NOW SHUT THE FUCK UP!_

* * *

Jimmy's Note:

Fun fact: Unlike Jake, I actually did receive fan mail in my remake of this fanfic in FFN back when I posted this as Monica Gilbey-Bieber, from an anonymous reviewer who goes by the name L. B.

 _"I want to fuck you so badly...and I'm a girl. Your sense of humor turned me on. Damn I love it."_

Thank you! You rock! And I am actually a dude.


	17. Chapter 17: I'll Name this Chapter Later

_AN_ _: STOP SPAMMING, PIRATA MAN! And whatever, Otaku! When I said Buddhism, I meant SHINTO, and yes, I knew about that other stuff, too! I just forgot, okay!? I KNOW WHAT DRAGON BALL Z IS! IT WAS MY FAVORITE ANIME WHEN I WAS A KID. IT'S GOOD. BUT NOT AS GOOD AS NARUTO. Anyway, fuck you, Fanfiction Police! You can't report my fanfic! I'm gonna report you! Same with you, Grammar Police! You don't know what you're talking about. That's from a fan; her name is Melissa. She's hot, too. Whatever, nerd5510. Spelling doesn't matter anyway, so fuck you! STOP CALLING ME TARA; MY NAME IS JAKE. And unnamed, I know it was World War II; that's what I said! No, my dad Fred won't end up in jail. He's a cop, and you don't know anything about law, so fuck off! And now to you, dragonhitler... I DON'T NEED SPELLCHECK. SPELLING DOESN'T MATTER ANYWAYS. WHO GIVES A FUCK!? AND THIS IS MY STORY; I CAN SAY WHATEVER I WANT, AND THE SAME GOES FOR FLAMERS. I CAN RESPOND TO YOU BECAUSE IT'S MY STORY AND I CAN WRITE WHATEVER I WANT TO. AND FOR THE REST OF THE STUFF, THIS IS MY STORY. I CAN WRITE IT HOWEVER I WANT, SO FUCK YOU, DRAGONHUMPER! LOL, did you get that? Haha, fuck you! Oh, yeah! And there are lots of 13-year-olds who like to fuck. Just go to Yahoo Answers, and see? We do it because we are mature, so fuck off! BUT LIKE I SAID, IF YOU ARE GOING TO ANSWER MY AUTHOR'S NOTES, AT LEAST READ MY STORY AND TALK ABOUT IT! I BET YOU AREN'T EVEN READING IT; IT'S HARD FOR YOU TO, AND YOU GUYS JUST DON'T KNOW HOW AWESOME IT IS!_

 _Okay, so Katie won't be updating her fic for a while. She says it takes her along time to come up with stuff. LOL, what a dumbass. Love you though, girl!_

 _Anyway, so me, my mom and dad, and my brothers Matthew, Landon, and Benji went on a trip to Oregon. WTF!? That shit was SO BORING! We went to the beach and Crater Lake. Who cares? I can find all that stuff here in California! We also went hiking in the forest. Who gives a shit about that? And we also went to Lassen Volcanic National Park. Just a bunch of SHIT! Matthew, Landon, and I were so fracking bored. Of course, stupid Benji liked it. Fucking nerdy loser. Anyway, I'm not grounded anymore, but Katie still is! What the fuck is wrong with her parents? They say she needs real severe punishment for what she did! FUCK YOU, JENNA, AND WHATEVER-HER-DAD'S-NAME-IS..._

 _Anyway, so here's chapter 17!_

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 **CHAPTER 17: ? [Note: I'll name this chapter later.]**

So, we met that night at a stadium and I began to sing.

 _"FUCK YEAH_  
 _SUCK MY DICK_  
 _FUCKING WHORE_  
 _MMM... MMM... YEAH..._  
 _I WANT MORE!"_

Then she sang her song.

 _"OOH BABY, I NEED YOU._  
 _I LOVE YOU_  
 _YOU'RE THE ONLY MAN FOR ME_  
 _AND I WANT YOU."_

It was a stupid, girly song, and Madara loved it because he's a fag, even though Motley Crue, a band I love, actually has several songs of a similar nature; one of which is 'Without You', a love ballad about how a man cannot live without his woman, which is ironically contragrade to my beliefs. "Well, the winner of the contest is, of course, rhubarb. I mean, Ronan," yelled the presenter, and everyone cheered. Taliana was so angry that she stabbed the presenter and threw him to Madara, who ate him.

"YOU! JOIN US! NOW! YOU WILL NOT WIN!" she yelled at us, but I hit her with a guitar, and then started to fuck her with it.

"Mmm... Oh, yeah... Fuck me, Ronan! Mmm..." she said as it slammed into her, the pussy lips hitting the headstock. "Ohh... Ohh... Yeah..."

Sakura came over and farted on Taliana's face, and Taliana sniffed it in. "Oh... Mmm... It smells so good... give me MORE!" And Sakura ate a burrito and farted so much that Taliana almost died. Everbody in the audience loved us and they had put their lighters in the air.

"We love you, Ronan!" yelled the girls in the audience. All the girls jacked off to me fucking Taliana and Sakura farting, then Sakura came and queefed in my face. Sakura opened up her butt to the audience and all the girls came and sniffed Sakura's farts; some were wet, too. And finally, Taliana came and I slammed my guitar down. It broke into a million pieces.

"WE ARE ROCK STARS, FUCKERS!" Then, I punched Taliana and threw her away. Madara went after her and me, and I ate Sakura's pussy out so hard that she bled and the audience cheered at us. I hit Sakura in the eye with my cock, and she looked into my dick as I came. The cum poured on her face, and then I showed my dick to the audience.

"OH MY GOT! IT'S SO HUGE!" they yelled. "CUM ON US NOW!"

And I did; the whole audience was soaked in creamy cum and then Sakura let one last fart out and we left the stage. When we left the stage, we went backstage and drank lots of beer and alcohol and stuff. We also did coke and heroin and weed and stuff, too. We were so high and drunk that we fell asleep, and when we woke up... we weren't backstage anymore. We were in Madara's lair.

"What have you done!?" I yelled to Madara, and Taliana chuckled. "We have kidnapped you! Don't you see, you foolish fool!?"

And then Madara said, "You are the key to destroying the world. We must use you for it!"

"NO, YOU WILL NOT!" I yelled, and then Sakura came to me. "He's right! You will not use him. You will have to kill me first!"

"Fine then, BITCH," said Sakura's evil twin, Taliana, and she cut her head off! Sakura was obviously dead!

"BOOOOOOOOOOO!" I yelled. "FUCK YOU" AND THEN I STABBED HIM, AND BLOOD POURED FROM HIM LIKE A WATERFALL!

"Ahhhh! Owwwww! Oooh! Eeeeee! Ahhh!" he yelled in pain, then I looked back, and it turned out that Sakura was okay. Then, he knocked us out! When we woke up, we were chained, and Madara told us that we were working for him now, and that we had to pick rice in high-tech indoor fields (because they eat a lot of Japan in rice. Wait, that does not sound right.) There were lots of other workers; they were Madara's and Taliana's henchmen.

"Muahahahahaha... I love doing my work," said one of the henchmen. "Madara is our leader, and so is that fucking hot bitch Talina!"

"Fuck you! But you're right; Taliana is hot," I replied. Then, Madara came into the field room and yelled at us.

"RAHHHHH! YOU TWO! WHAT HAVETH YOU TWO DONE!?" he said and then picked us by our ears and took us away to his office. "Your work in the fiels has been ungodly-awful, and so I must fire you and then chop off your heads and eat you." He then picked up a midget who worked in the field, and the midget yelled, "NOOOO! HELP ME! HELP MEEEEEEE!" And then, Madara ATE HIM!

"NOO NOOO! RONAN, DON'T LET THAT HAPPEN TO US! SAVE ME!" Sakura shuddered in horror at the grotesque sight of the midget being devoured alive. So then I punched Madara and he fell through the glass in his office that overlooked the rice fields, and then we ran out that floor through the stairs. We kept running, but then Sakura tripped and was left behind so I ran back to get her!

"Help! Help! I can't get up! Help me, Ronan!" Sakura complained, but I helped her anyway, and then we ran away from his lair and he started to chase us!

"YOU SHALL DESTROYETH THY WORLD. IT IS YOUR DESTINY, YOU FUCKTARD!" I knew he was right. I was going to destroy the world soon, but when, I did not know. I guess my awesome sexy Gary Stu powers were somehow weakened by being imprisoned for a good while. So, we kept running and running, and we were running through the woods. Then, an evil monster showed up!

The monster was like a dragon, but ugly and stupid. It roared at us.

"MUAHAHAHA! YOU HAVE FALLETH INTO THE TRAP, IDIOTS!" yelled Madara from behind. The monster roared again, and Sakura screamed.

"It's okay, baby; I'll protect you," I said as she held on to my pecs and big arm muscles and shit. All of a sudden, blue light shone from me, and I turned into my dragon form and fought the fat, dumb dragon-like monster that yelped in pain as I beat it to death, then I turned back into my human form and said, "It's okay, Sakura; you can stop crying now."

"NOOOO! MY CHILD! YOU HAVE KILLED MY CHILD! YOU SHALL PAY, RONAN AND SAKURA!" Madara's thunderous voice roared, so we started to have to run again, and he and Taliana started to run after us. We were running as fast as we could, and he was shooting his powers at us. Sakura almost got hit, but I saved her. And so did I; I almost got hit, but I didn't, so it was okay. Then, I saw that Taliana had flown over us, and she landed in front of us! We were cornered!

"NO! RONAN, WHAT WILL WE EVER DO?" asked Sakura.

"I DON'T KNOW!" I yelled. What the hell just happened? Did a real man, a sexy and awesome Gary Stu such as myself, actually admit to not knowing what to do? This can't be! The evil Sakura twin, Taliana, cackled and smiled cruelly at is as she came closer, ready to kill. Madara was behind us, too! We were finished!

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 _ _AN_ _:_ END OF CHAPTER 17_

 _AWESOME, HUH, RIGHT? YEAH, I KNOW... HEY, PLEASE REVIEW IT, OK! OR ELSE, FUCK YOU!_


	18. Chapter 18: The Chase

_AN: Okay, goddammit. Now I have to do another author's note to you, FUCKERS, BUT I WILL TRY TO KEEP IT SHORT, like my dick in real life. To the spammer, MARODA IS MADONNA, er... MADARA; I JUST MISSPELLED IT ON ACCIDENT. Unnamed, whatever; I'm not gonna pay attention to you, even if I actually acknowledged your existence! IT'S MY STORY, NOT YOURS; AND IT'S IS MY LIFE (LIKE JON BOVI) IT'S IS NOW OR NEVER! I CAN COMPLAIN IF I WANT TO! The reporter of Critics United, fuck you; I reported you! Bluer Shmeterling, DON'T YOU EVER INSULT HER; SHE'S NOT DUMB. OKAY, WELL, MAYBE A BIT, BUT YOU'RE STUPID! ME, I do have fans. You're just jealous because I have 120 reviews! To Otaku and Pirata Man, I go on trips a lot because my parents are dumb, but they make a lot of money. I mean, duh. We live in Los Alamitos, it's in the Orange County, idiot. And I go to school and get really good grades! Ryuranger, what the fuck is SalityKiller? And I don't care about others and what you think! I WILL NOT STOP MY STORY; IT'S MINE AND IT WILL END WHEN IT'S TIME, WHICH IS A LONG TIME FROM NOW. IT'S GONNA be AT LEAST 30 CHAPTERS, but maybe more, like 60, then I might end it there, or maybe it could go to 100. I don't know; I haven't cunted (geddit) it out and stuff, so FUCK OFF! To shizahuchan, I had my brother Landon spellcheck the titles so stupid Grammar Nazis wouldn't come in here to flame me, but OBVIOUSLY, THAT DIDN'T WORK! GO AWAY, BENJI! What the fuck is a 'Ron the Death Eater' and a 'Draco in Leather Pants'?_

 _NOW TO YOU, DRAGONHUNTER! Whatever. Don't call me an idiot; you're the idiot. I wouldn't have sex with a dragon; they aren't real, even though I have written myself into a fictional universe mainly to fuck fictional anime women. (Flame el-Jimmeister instead, that gay-ass faggot who wrote Image, that fanfic about his lamo self-insert getting fucked in the ass by THAT GAY-ASS FAGGOT ALBEL NOX. I MEAN, THAT GUY LOOKS LIKE A FLAT-CHESTED GIRL. And Star Ocean is another gay-ass, boring game Benji likes, so yeah.) Plus, it's gross to have sex with animals! (Oh, yeah, that faggot OC of his, Ymmyj Thyms, is a part-Menodix too, and therefore, a furry. More reasons to flame el-Jimmeister, then.) Oh, yeah, well look at this chapter and note how many times did I use the f bomb, not very much, huh, whore! Oh, yeah, well, you just go to the adolescent sexuality page on Wikipedia (because it is a reliable source and not just anyone can edit the shit out of it) and look at the statistics on kids who have sex before 15. WE ARE HERE AND MATURE. LOTS OF EURPOEANS DO IT, AND THEY'RE SOPHISTICATED, SO HAHA. And yes, I am making a good read. Can't you fucking tell it's fucking good? You just don't know how to read; that's what! They were not fake; you're stupid! See, I got that review from hotlezbian. She likes it; that skank. I get angry. IT'S MY RIGHT HAND THAT I USE TO MASTABATE (see, is that spelled wrong?), AND IT'S NOT ALWAYS THE SAME THING. THEY JOINED A ROCK BAND AND HAD CONCERTS. THAT WAS VERY DIFFERENT AND THEN THEY HAD TO WORK FOR ORICIMUTADORA, THE BASTARD LOVE CHILD OF OROCHIMARU AND MADARA, in a rice field. See, that's all different! Lots of that stuff was awesome, SO THERE. AND NO, THAT DRAGON WAS NOT I! AND I'LL ANSWER your religion question. Religion is bad because it kills lots of people. Atheists like me never did stuff like that. Don't you know anything? Jeez. AND HOW DARE YOU REPORT ME, YOU TRAITOR BITCH? I REPORT YOU, HAHA!_

 _Okay, now for the story! Nothing really exciting happened this week, so I can't really talk about anything. It sucked fuck! Anyway, this chapter is the best one yet. It's awesome, and lots of cool stuff happens in it, and there's a shocking twist ending you'll never believe!_

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 **CHAPTER 18** **: THE CHASE  
**

"Muahahahahaha! I am here to kill you all," said Taliana.

"You can't do this to us, you fucking cunt!" yelled Sakura, but Taliana came closer to us and was ready to kill us until... Lightning came out of the sky!It struck Taliana and she fell down hurt, so we kept running as fast as we could. "Quick, we must run!" I yelled and we did.

"ROAHHHHHHHHH! YOU SHALL NOT ESCAPE, RONAN! I SHALL KILLETH YOU BEFORE THE NIGHT IS OVER!" and she threw knives at us. They almost hit us, but they didn't, so we were okay. It was very dark outside and it was scary to Sakura. She didn't like it because it was xtremly scray. Viower excretion advisd. We ran for hours from them, but then Sakura tripped on a branch named Bruce and I yelled, "NOOO! SAKURA!" I went back to help her. She could not get up by herself, and she was all covered in mud; it looked very sexy. I got a boner and then Taliana came, so I punched her with my huge dick and she went flying in the air away from us, and we kept running. My boner was bouncing up and down in the air, and Sakura's huge, double L cup tits were bouncing too. Her nipples were really hard and pointy, poking out of her shirt. They were like hard cocks dripping milk like dicks drip cum, but not really because that would be fucking gay, and I'm NOT, you fuckers.

Madara yelled, "YOU ARE DEAD!" And we kept running, but then I teleported us out of there when I suddenly remembered right then that I have teleportation powers, so we were okay.

We landed in the Shinobi Village near the dojo. It was a dark and stormy night. The rain fell in torrents — except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is in the Shinobi Village that our scene lies), rattling along the housetops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness.

"Jake, I'm scared; let's go!"

"Yes, I know, Sakura... It's very scary with the wind and rain and lightning, but hey, Sakura. Let's go do some stuff," I replied, although at the back of my mind, I wanted to ask her who Jake was. I wanted to find out. I mean, she had referred to me by that name several times, and she had said some time ago that Jake is supposed to be me. Besides, if this bitch ever cheats on me, I would be able to tell with my awesome sexy Gary Stu powers.

Meanwhile, back in the forest, Modrag, Madara's minion who happens to be a drag queen, screamed, "HE HAS ESCAPED FROM OUR CLUTCHES! HE SHALL DIE! WE MUST FINDETH HIM, MADAME TALIANA!" I found out that Modrag also preferred to be called Caitlyn, and that he was a shapeshifter, too. He was the branch named Bruce that Sakura tripped over.

"Yes, master. We should find him," Taliana said to Madara, agreeing with Modrag. "Now, let me suck your cock." I could sense that she was sucking his dick. It hurt me so much. How can she suck a dick that was not mine!? That fucking whore; I was going to kill her when we met again! (I could see into the future as well, remember?)

"Okay, let's go do something, Sakura," I finally said after shrugging off my unjustified jealousy.

"Okay," she said, so we went to the Shigogi Video Store. By doing something, for once, it wasn't sex.

"Welcome to the best video store in Jap-Shinobi!" said the store clerk. "We have everything, including porn, except gay porn because that is gross. Now, go look." We walked around the video store and we decided to get lots of stuff. First, we got _Transformers 2_ because it is awesome, and then we got _The Boondock Saints_ (best movie ever), _The Fast and Furious_ , _Meet the Spartans_ , and _I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell_ (great movie and book!).

Sakura pulled out some movies. They were _Pulp Fiction_ , _Vertigo_ , _Taxi Driver_ , and _Blade Runner_ , and also some silent movies. "What the fuck is that, shit, Sakura! Those movies suck!" I shouted. (FUCK YOU, BENJI, FOR MAKING ME WATCH THOSE! They were all boring, and there weren't hot chicks or lots of action, so fuck off!). Then, we went to the porn sections and got _Tight Pussy Lesbian Sluts Sucking Dick_ , _Jizz on My Glasses 4,_ and _I Need to Fart 8_. They are some of my favorite pornos, and they are very good. We then left the porn area and walked to the door, then the store clerk said, "Hello! You can't go out yet, you stealers! You have to buy stuff!"

"NO, I don't have to buy it! I am against the capitalist machine, and I will not buy this!" Then, I killed him and Sakura cheered up. We ran out of the store stealing the stuff. (LMAO! Danny, Katie, and Tina, I hope you're reading this! Remember the time we went into the 7-11 and stole that stuff? That's what this was inspired by. ROFL.) So then we went out to eat and got In-N-Out burgers. We then went home and ate and watched the porn. I jacked off to the porn and came on her burger and fries and Sakura ate it.

"Mmm... this is delicious, Ronan. Thank you for the cum, sir."

"You're welCUM, slut." (roflmao)

Then, all of a sudden, a magical note appeared and it said that we were invited to attend a ball. "What the fuck? Fuck that shit! Balls are for fags! ...get it?" I said, rather vexed by this unwelcome distraction.

"Oh, Ronan. I would love to go to a ball!" Sakura swooned.

"Well... okay, but only if you dress sexily," I asserted.

"I will; trust me."

"...and we should fuck in front of everybody so that they can see my huge cock."

"Mmm... baby, that sounds hot. Let's do it!"

So, we started to prepare for the Shinobi Ball. Back outside the house, THERE WERE A PAIR OF GOGGLES LOOKING AT US, AND THEY WERE BUNOCUMER GOGGLES... (Bunocumer™ is a trademark for a specialized type of binocular goggles made of magical Japanese cucumbers.)

IT WAS TALIANA AND MADARA, AND THEY WERE SPYING ON US. THEY WERE READY TO COME AND GET US BUT THEN, MADARA SAID, "NO, WE shall waiteth for the ball! Muahahahaha!" Then Taliana said, "You are brilliant, master! Muahahahahhaahhahahahahah!" as she sucked his cock. I could feel it, and I knew something was wrong, but we were going to the ball anyway!

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 _AN: Hey, fuckers. There's chapter 18. Fantastic, right? Huh!? Fuck off, flamers! Anyway, excited for chapters 19 and 20? Right, because they are coming soon to get your pussies soakin' wet, bitch-cunts!_

* * *

Jimmy's Notes: Since the 'short' author's note is actually pretty long, my dick joke probably backfired. But anyway...

Based on Benji's inclination towards sci-fi and philosophy, I think the Star Ocean series of games might be up his alley. And since he's gay, Albel or Crowe might be appealing to him as well. Or if he likes those buff, manly beefcakes, maybe Cliff, Arumat, or perhaps Adray would interest him. (As for me, I personally tend to prefer pretty boys/androgynous men.)

I had to look for what 'tax river' is supposed to mean. Turns out, it's supposed to be Taxi Driver. Fangz to Rickersnary for the MST that helped me decipher that.


	19. Chapter 19: The Shinobi Ball

_AN: Whatever. Fuck you, ME. Ryuranger, don't you fucking mock me, bitch! And again, to Ryuranger and Otaku, I don't live in Los Angeles; I live in LOS ALAMITOS. To unnamed, fuck yes, I'm going to get to 1000 reviews; just you wait and see. And I am not a bigot; I like people. Guys having sex is just fucking gross, and religion is dumb, ok, so fuck off! To Otaku, I do get good grades in school. I just don't like having to spellcheck. It wastes time, and you people are stupid, so go away! And yes, it did make sense; my parents have money and they always have weekends off, so we go on trips a lot. Jeez. Also, Katie will not get pregnant; we use protections. And those are real fans; you people just don't believe me and you are posers, so shit's on you._

 _Now again to you, DRAGONCUNTER (lol), yes, you can't complain. This is my story and I am providing you guys with it for free, so you have no right to complain! It was not a troll; she e-mailed me. She is sexy and hung. DON'T YOU INSULT LANDON! Whatever; I don't even know what TVTropes is. No, idiot, you are. Ok, so well yeah, no, I won't, alright. It does make me mature; you're just not smart enough to know about it. Duh, like witches and stuff were killed and stuff. No, you don't._

 _Cunt-whore-slut, what's_ _Cthulhu? Yes, semen is healthy. It's good for people_ _(BUT ONLY GIRLS). I don't need Viagra; I get hard all the time. ALL GIRLS WILL BE AROUSED BY THIS, AND THEY KNOW IT. THEY ARE LYING IF THEY SAY THEY AREN'T, SO FUCK YOU SLUTS WHO SAY YOU DON'T GET WET! I don't deserve criticism; that's why! You people are so mean._

 _Anyway, so now, Chapter 19. I got lots of chapters lined out now, so I know the story is gonna go past 30 chapters, and oh yeah, I think I will publish a chapter every weekend from now on, but probably not on spring break. OH, AND HEY. I WROTE A TRANSFORMERS DRAGONBALL Z CROSSOVER FIC. READ IT. [ s/6803570/1/Tranformers_infity_of_the_darkness] COPY-PASTE THAT. It's going to be two parts long, and that's the first part. It won't continue like this one. I have to focus on this one. Sorry, fans._

 _Now, to the story. Um, also, Katie and I are still in vitriol, and she's still grounded, so I'm pissed off and I don't know when she will post Reaper Girl parts 2 and 3. Hopefully, sometime this month, but I will post PART 2 OF THE CROSSOVER TOMORROW, OK?_

 _Oh, yeah. Benji wrote some of the really dumb big words for that one guy in this chapter, though I forget his name. Whatever, the character sucked. Benji was an asshole and wouldn't do him even though I needed the character to speak in British words so I had to pay him to write the words. WHAT THE FUCK? And he said he'd only do it if he got to describe what the character looked like and came up with the ending for the character! Well, I let him, so fuck you, Benji. FUCK YOU!_

 _…and now, to the story. For real. Yep, I'm telling the truth this time._

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 **CHAPTER 19: THE SHINOBI BALL**

We were at the mall again. It was rebuilt from last time, and we were looking for Sakura's sexy ball dress. Despite the fact that we were involved in the explosion from last time, the security crew was not one bit suspicious about us. Nope, not at all. It had to be hot and I was going to buy myself a big, cool-ass suit for the ball, too. Anyway, we walked into the stores and we kept looking around, but she could not find the dress she wanted, so we had to go to a specialty store called Big Ball Dresses. It was very nice, and a very sexy lady who was very hot worked there. She was chewing gum and blowing sexy bubbles, but I wished those bubbles were my cock. Anyway, Sakura looked around but could not find the dress, so I told her, "WAIT, SAKURA, I HAVE A special power that lets me find what we're looking for. Let me use it. "

"Okay, go baby."

"AHHHHHHH… OOOOHHH… EEEEEE…"I made noises as my mind looked, and then there was a glow around the dress we were looking for.

"OH MY FUCKING GOT. IT'S PERFECT! I love everything about it. Got, it's so fashionable," she said. I rolled my eyes because fashion is dumb. It's for faggies and girls anyway. That, despite the fact that I have the power to telepathically discern what is the perfect dress for her.

She went into the dressing room and tried it on. And when she came out, she looked so fucking hot. The dress was black and had FLAMING (XD LMAO. You guys get it, right? Haha… I bet not because you guys are fucking retards. LOL.) Lamborghinis and Ferraris on it and flaming Japanese letters on it too. It was so fucking hot. It also had pink (that color is so fucking gay, but she's a girl so whatever.) leather straps and little holes where her nipples popped out and a studded belt. And the lower part of the dress was see-through, so you could see her dripping wet, wide open pussy that was making the dress soaking wet. She had big boots on that were part-high heeled stilettos and she was wearing a baseball cap that said "RONAN IS SO HOT." And she was wearing a see-through, obviously clear, leather jacket, too. That had fur on its neck. And she had lots of makeup on, lots of it. She had thick, red lipstick and bright blue eye makeup and pink cheek makeup. She also painted her eyebrows purple, and she had big diamonds on her necklace and hands and shit. Yep, she had so much bling on her that even her shit had the hotline bling that used to call me on my cell phone. ( _Hotline Bling_ is a shitty modern song; I HATE IT. Drake sucks ass.) She had a purse that has a skull and Japanese writing printed on. It was so sexy, and the dress would blow open whenever she farted, which she did a lot.

The lady who worked there said, "Oh, that looks very hot on you, bitch. How 'bout we fuck?" And they did; Sakura started to shove the skull purse into the lady's cunt and she skull-fucked her (ROTFL; DID YOU SEE WHAT I DID THERE, FUCKERS? I bet you didn't. LOL!) fast and hard. She was screaming, and then I came and she sucked my dick. Well, she tried but she couldn't because it was so big and she ended up choking to death on my dick, so we left. Two clerks down. Two less gears in the capitalist machine.

We got on our car, and then we went to our next place, which was MY SHOP. That, despite the fact that I, myself, am against capitalism in the most extreme. And while we were driving, Sakura and I talked.

"Oh my Got. I can't wait for the Shinobi Ball!"

"Yes, I guess…"

"Octopuses?" said Sakura, referring to the name of my store.

"Yes, slut," I said, and then we walked into the store.

* * *

 ** _-Ladies and Gentlemen, we interrupt this program for a special announcement!-_**

Rggh… Now here's something Benji MADE me copy-paste from an email. It describes Edfred. Grrr…

 _"He has blond-brown hair, with perhaps a reddish tinge, and looks kind of like a cross between Sander Cohen from Bioshock and Archie "Snake" Simpson from Degrassi."_

Grr… why am I doing this anyway?

 ** _-...aaaaaand we're back!-_**

* * *

"HELLO AND WELCOME TO MY SHOP! ENTER, ENTER! PURCHASE WHATEVER YOU WISH! MY NAME IS EDFRED AND I AM THE PROPRIETOR OF THIS STORE. WE HAVE SUPERB DEALS SO PLEASE LOOK AROUND BUT DON'T YOU TOUCH A GODDAMN THING!"

So, we went into the place. THEN, WE FOUND MY SUIT! It was so cool; it was dark red and had black pants and a black leather jacket with it. There were little knives on the front of the shirt and then blades circling my waist and the holes at the bottoms where my feet come out to. My boots were awesome too; the heels were hammers and my neck collar had blades, too, and I got a cool top hat thing with platinum blades on it, and my pants had "LET ME FUCK UR PUSSY" written on the back. I put it on and then went to the counter, but before I got there, I touched an antique thingy.

"HEY, FUCKSHITTER! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING, YOU OBTUSE HOODLUMS? I BELIEVE I APPRISED TO YOU THAT THERE SHALL BE NO TACTION OF THE MERCHANDISE WITHIN MY EMPORIUM! GET OUT OF MY STORE! GET OUT, GET OUT, GET OUT!"

"Hey, what the fuck is your problem, you dummy?"

"I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH MISCREANTS SUCH AS YOU TWO AND I MUST PEREMPTORILY IMPETRATE THAT SUCH NEFARIOUS MALEFACTORS ABSCOND MY ESTABLISHMENT!"

"What the fuck are you talking about? Are you British?" I actually knew, and in fact, he was actually letting us get away with it, because to _abscond_ is to leave a place surreptitiously especially to avoid capture and legal prosecution. And I was simply fucking around with Edfred's pretentious vocabulary that tries too hard to be sophisticated. I simply used my awesome Gary Stu powers that warp reality so as to make me look like a fool in front of Ed, when in fact, _he's_ the pompous fool. Dude just raped a thesaurus, because he's such a loser that he can't even get a _real_ girl.

"I AM NOT BRITISH! I AM FROM THE UNITED STATES! GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE NOW!"

"NO, WE WON'T! THIS IS _OUR_ STORE!"

"WHY, IN ALL MY YEARS I HAVE NE-" I blasted him, and he didn't die for some reason. So, I just threw him, and when he was flying away after being thrown, he said, "YOU WILL RUE THE DAY YOU EVER IMPEDED MY VALIANT EFFORTS! AHHHHHHHHHHH!"

So now it was time for the ball, and we went to this huge mansion. It was so fucking big, and it most likely was a castle. So we went inside, and lots of people were there, mostly assholes, but there were some cool people, too. So, we all danced to GOOD music, not modern shit, and everybody was turned on by our outfits and stuff.

So then Sakura said, "Oh my Got, baby. Show them your dick." So I did, and all the girls went wild and started orgasming, and then I peed all over them, and they all rolled around the floor fucking and licking each other and milking their tits. It was so fucking hot, but then somebody came. It was Edfred!

"WHAT IS TRANSPIRING PRESENTLY? OH NO! NOT YOU TWO ABHORRENT REPROBATES AGAIN! LOOK AT WHAT YOU DID TO ME!" he said, and he was in a cast with crutches and stuff. We started to laugh at him. "DO YOU FIND THIS JOCOSE? IS THIS A CACHINNATORY OCCURRENCE TO YOU? BAH! REMOVE YOURSELVES FROM MY PROMENADE THIS INSTANCE!"

"No, fuck you, fag! We came here for fun, and we're going to have it! You can't stop us!"

"YES, I CAN! I AM THE ONE ADMINISTERING THIS BALL, SO LEAVE MY CASTLE AT ONCE! I-" BAM BOOM SHING! It was MADARA! He had crashed the Shinobi Ball!

"Muahahahahahaha! Master! Our plan! It is a success!" said Taliana.

"QUIET, YOU!" Madara shouted. Then, he came to us. "THOU DOTH NOT THINK THAT WE WOULD LET THOU HAVETH A BALL WITHOUT OUR APPEARANCE? THOU ART MISTAKEN! HAHAHAHAHA!"

We heard buzzing over the castle and that fucking coward fag Edfred was leaving in his hovercraft. "FORGET THIS SHIT! I BID YOU ASSHOLES ADIEU."

"FUCK YOU, FAGGOT FAGGY GUY!" I yelled. Then Madara came, looked at me, and said "Hahahaha! We have you now! Oh, and who the fuck was that?"

"SOME LOSER, BUT HE'S GONE NOW, SO YOU WILL NOT WIN!" So, I put my special mind control powers on the girls at the ball and they all gathered behind me ready to fight, but just then, the castle doors came open! It was NARUTO!

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 _AN: Okay, so that was Chapter 19. I know the parts Benji helped write are stupid and weird, but ignore them. The rest is great!I got lots of exciting stuff planned!_

* * *

Jimmy's Note: Enter Edfred to add a shred of sanity to this chaotic wall of text that could not even be called a story. And the costume porn is actually quite detailed here, more so than the average _My Immortal_ costume description. And their clothes are so trashy that they might as well cosplay as back alley dumpsters behind Edfred's castle, or as one-dollar hookers you would often find thrown in the aforementioned dumpsters.


	20. Chapter 20: Resurrection

**WARNING: ALL OF DIS CHAPTA IS XTREMLY SCRAY. VIOWER EXCRETION ADVISD. [Yep, excretion is the right word for this, and there is a serious, legitimate reason why.] _  
_**

* * *

 _AN: Okay, goddammit, you motherfuckers. Now I have to write another author's note. Fuck, I am so sick of responding to you people. You know what; I bet you're all part of the Illuminati. They are real; I have read about them and they are evil. I know you all work for them. To Elmo Fanclub and Chrometplath, thank you for the good reviews! I went and read The Pokémon Story and it was good and sexy-hot except for the really bloody stuff; I didn't like that. To Badfic Defective, go away. To Bluer Shmeterling, if you don't like it, don't fucking read it, then! To Spud, this is my story, not yours; I'll do whatever I want. To ME, I AM NOT REPLACING NARUTO. WHY WOULD I PUT HIM BACK IN THE STORY IF I WAS, IDIOT! Don't spam me 'cunts', Loltroll. And random rant. NOW ON TO YOU, UNNAMED. First, whatever. You're stupid. This story will not die. I have lots of more chapters, so shut the fuck up. Yes, I have read some of them, but a lot of them are to guys, which is fucking nasty. You don't know anything. Like I said, I get lots of e-mails from sexy girl fans who love my story._

 _NOW TO YOU, DRAGONHUNTER. I did not mean to fuck myself. That's not what I meant; rather, it was obviously a reply to someone who goes by the name 'me', you oidipot! Yes, I live in Los Alamosita! Why can't you people spell it fucking right, despite the irony that I myself actually misspelled it? Okay, see, I am smart, but I haven't learned that stuff yet, so don't ask me. Also, my English grade is A, DUH, bitch. I don't have MS Word, so there. Yes, I am. The law says I can buy condoms at 13. No, I don't like that name, go away. Yes, lesbians get hot because of guys, but only me and not others. Okay, well I bet TVTropes is stupid, LMAO. Sex makes you mature because mature people do it. Don't you understand? I bet not, haha. Look up 'is drinking cum healthy' and you'll find it. No, criticism is not awesome. I mean it's mean to people like me who are good writers. You're not aroused by this because you're stupid; that's why. I don't hate girls; they are hot and sexy and I love to fuck their cunts. Yes, I know British people speak English. Got, what do you think I am, an oidipot or something? And no, Naruto is not dead; he was just hiding. I know I said I wouldn't respond to your Transformers review, but it was really mean, so I will now. Yes, I know it's natural, but it's still so fucking gross. And love is when two people like each other. See, I know what it is. Benji was being stupid and I do love girls; they are just not as cool as guys at stuff, but they have pussies so they are still cool. Lots of people already love me, so you know nothing! Yes, spring break started, but now, it's over. And fuck you, I forgot what happened in the ball, and that was the best I could do. So what._

 _OKAY, SO NOW, ABOUT SPRING BREAK. We went to Mexico! It was so cool; there were lots of hot drunk college girls, but I didn't get to have sex because my parents and Benji were keeping an eye on me; it was so dumb. BUT I ALMOST GOT ATTACKED BY A SHARK; IT WAS SO SCARY, EXCEPT I WASN'T SCARED because I'm not a pussy wimp bitch. But yes, it was okay; we had good food but then we had to come back. I was mad because it made me mad._

 _Now, to the story!_

 **XXXXXXXXX69XXXXXXXXX**

 **CHAPTER 20: RESURRECTION**

"NARUTO, WHAT THE FUCK? WHY ARE YOU HERE? I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD!" I said. Apparently, Naruto was immune to my Stu ability to foresee the future and tell if someone is really killed off for real or not.

"I was not dead; I was actually alive, but I just hid."

"Okay, well, help us, then," I said, even though I knew I was way more powerful than him. So, we fought Madara. "He was very powerful, but we are, too. So, cum on him. (No homo, though. That's fucking gross. But ejaculating on an enemy's face is the most emasculating thing you can do to them.) Let's fight now!" I continued. And we fought him; he was hurt hard, and he yelled at us "What the fuck is your problem, you fucking assholmes?" (Geddit, because he is trying to interrogate us about what the fuck our problem is?)

"Our problem is you, LOL," I said to him.

"Well, whatever; GOODBYE, FOR NOW. WE WILL BE BACK FOR THE PROPHECY WHICH HATH BEEN FORETOLD!"

"NO! THE PROPHECY IS A FUCKING LIE!"

"NO IT IS NOT; IT IS TRUTH. YOU WILL DESTROY THE WORLD. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"He is right," said Taliana. "You will destroy the world. Muahahahahaha!" she cocked.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I will not! Ughhhh!" I shouted.

"RONAN! NARUTO! SAVE ME HELP! HELP! HELP!" I sensed a distress call from a girl who obviously needed saving, because, well, she's a girl.

Then, we saw that Sakura was dangling over a pool of lava, so we flew over there and saved her, when Madora and Taliana yelled at us. "MUAHAHAHAHAHA! GOODBYE! HAVE A NICE TRIP! HAHAHAHA!" he said.

"That joke is stupid" I said.

"No it's not," he said. Then, THE CASTLE BLEW UP BECAUSE MADARA AND TALIANA BLEW IT UP! BUT we were all okay because we ran out right before the explosion.

After the cattle they kept as livestock for cultic animal sacrifices blew up along with the castle, we went back 2 the Shinobi Village. When we got there, it was night and Sakura was hot and swexy (a portmanteau of sweaty and sexy, duh.) and Naruto was ok and I was looking hot and sexy, too.

"Hey baby, you look fucking hot," said Sakura. Meanwhile, Naruto went to his room.

"Mmm… You look fucking good too, bitch," I said.

"Well, maybe we should fuck!" she said and so we did; we did it in front of the foreplace. (Haha, see what I did there?) I started to hump her cunt really hard, and she was moaning. "Oh, Ronan… Oh my Got… You're the best rake. Mmm… fuck yeah. Fuck that fucking pussy you fucking sexy fucker. MMM OOOOHHHH YESSSS AHHHHHHOHGHGHGHGHGHFG!" She was yelling.

"Oh, Ronan… I have to poop," she said and so she did. The shit flew out of her butt like a rocket and right into my face.

"EW THAT IS GROSS BUT SO HOT, TOO."

"Mmm … you love it, don't you baby?"

"Yeah, I fuckin' do!"

"OH MY GOT; HERE'S MORE!"

"Wait, bitch; hold it!" I said and she did. So I got her to set her hot fucking ass onto my huge chest with their muscular pecs.

"Now, whore," I said and she let out a big dump on my pecs. She then hopped off and I rubbed my fingers around my nipples rubbing the poop in.

"Mmm… you're so hot," she said and she licked it off my chest. "Mmm… it's so good baby." And then she put my head between her huge, double N cup tits and bounced them on me and hit me in the face. Then, she milked them and the milk poured into my mouth. It was so hot. And then, she peed on me and then I came in her hair and we were done. Just like that.

"Um… we should go to bed, right?"

"Yes, I think so."

"Hey, wait. Did you hear that funny joke about the crocodile?"

"No. Tell me, please."

"Okay. Well, what happens is that a crocodile goes to a grocery store and says, 'Do you have any meat?' And they say no, so he says he'll have to make sum, then. And it eats the grocery store guys and farts and has a bog (Geddit? Since crocs usually live in bogs?) dick."

"Hahahahaha! That's funny, Sakura. I love you, girl; let's go to bed," and so we did.

And then morning came!

"OH MY GOT. URGENT MESSAGE FOR RONAN BEELZEBUB NOW! THE KING OF SHINOBI SEEKS YOUR PRESENCE!" A resounding voice bellowed, jolting me awake. I lethargically walked to the front door.

"Why does he want me?" I questioned as I ran my hand through my disheveled, blue hair. I looked at the man at the porch. He was the chancellor, and he wasn't alone, but rather, he was surrounded by hot female bodyguards.

"You'll just have to see because… I dunno," he replied.

So, we went to the Shinobi Palace and there he was… the king.

"Ahhh… You see, I am dying, Ronan… And I have a secret you never knew, and that is that I'm actually your godfather, and that you're royalty and, since I don't have any blood-heirs, you are therefore the prince of Shinobi."

"No way," I said and he said "Yes way so… Ahh… I am dead… Here. You rule." And I was so shocked. Now I was king of Shinobi and, I have billions of money. We were even more rich and famous now than before. Everybody loved us.

"Well. As king of Shinobi, I want to outlaw religion," and so I did. Everybody who was religious was re-educated so they wouldn't be stupid.

"Anybody who likes modern music shall be put to death unless they are hot chicks," I said. And then I said, "Free beer and cocaine for everyone, and two dudes fucking is gross, so it's outlawed now, too!"

"Oh yeah, and down with the evil American capitalists and the Illuminati!" everybody cheered. I was the best king ever. Everyone loved me.

When we were leaving the stadium, announcers and paparazzi followed us. "MR. KING RONAN! MR. KING RONAN! PICTURE, PLEASE! AND SAKURA, SHOW YOUR BIG FUCKING TITS!" said a photoGAYpher (LMAO! Got it? Right, 'tards?) So she whipped out her tits and I pulled out my dick and they snapped shots of it. It was so cool. Then fans came over.

"We love you! We love you! Oh my Got; we fucking love you!"

"Yes, I know, but leave me alone. I am going home." So we went back to the dojo.

Naruto was there, eating pizza. "Hello, guys. How are you doing?" he asked.

"We are good; how about you?" I said.

"Well, I am good," he replied. So, Sakura and I went to our bedroom, but I heard Naruto punching stuff because he was jealous of me being so much better than him. Then, I heard a crash, and Sakura and I ran out.

"Oh my Got; what the fuck is going on?" she said, but then we saw MADARA AND TALIANA!

"MUAHAHAHAHAHA! WE TOLD YOU WE WOULD BE BACK, FUCKER!" Taliana said.

"NO, NOT YOU GUYS!" I shouted.

 **XXXXXXXXX69XXXXXXXXX**

 _ _AN:_ Okay, so that was Chapter 20. The story is getting great, huh!? Keep reading; there's lots more shocking twists and stuff to cum! (Geddit, 'cause I'm too sexy for this shit?)_

* * *

Jimmy's Notes: Oh my Got. This has got to be the vilest chapter of this 69-chapter smutfest so far.

[deep breath… here we go.]

Just when I thought the mere idea of having your self-insert fuck a fictional character is rather insane… well yeah. Says the self-denying guy who has a hypersexual self-insert Gary Stu named Ymmyj Thyms who had pretty much screwed _almost every woman_ on the continent of Gaitt [his story takes place in Star Ocean 3], and then some dudes as well, including a pretty, purple-clad samurai. But still… this is repulsive and sordid beyond belief. Ymmyj still blows [No, not in that way. EWW.] Ronan out of the water.

…

Well, okay. I drove my point to a rented apartment. Not home, because _Image_ is earnest writing from 13-year-old me, and I probably would be worse than Ronan because of that. The old version had Ymmyj pulling off a Christian Grey on Albel Nox before Christian Grey was even conceived in the mind of one E.L. James, who definitely is not el-Jimmeister.

Okay. There's a new crackfic underway. Ronan/Ymmyj, just for the lulz. [Non-canon in relation to _Image_. And Ymmyj _will_ be the seme.]

…where the hell do I get these disturbing writing prompts that pop up in my head anyway. And this translator's note just turned into a literary analysis of sorts.


	21. Chapter 21: The New King

_AN: Okay, well, whatever fuckers. This is a good fucking story and you guys don't know fucking shit, you fucking assholes. Fuckers. To unnamed, I won't stop writing author's notes unless there are too many flames, but right now, I only have 143 reviews. I need more. HELLO PEOPLE, PLEASE TELL OTHERS ABOUT THE FIC. IT'S GOOD, AND IF THEY'RE GIRLS, THEY'LL LOVE IT; IT'LL GET THEIR CUNTS DRIPPING WITH JUICE! Yep, even though I have actually told guys to fuck off several chapters ago. Well, whatever. Yaoi is gross. No, I won't put it in here. I can't believe that flaming faggot el-Jimmeister actually wrote a fic that ships the totally straight, badass Ronan Beelzebub with his lame-ass self-insert who apparently likes it in the ass. WTF. And just forget about the criticism; I don't deserve it, and I won't listen. The story is good, and only getting better, so fuck off! I'M NOT A NAZI, AND I'M NOT A SATANIST, NOR AM I A STABINIST! Satan doesn't exist; I'm an atheist, duh! My best friend, Danny, whom I have written into the story (I hope you're still reading, Danny!), is black, and there are lots of Mexicans at my school, and one of them is a really good friend, and Tina is Mexican, too. I am not a Nazi; I just think guy on guy is really fucking gross, and Katie is Jewish, by the way, so there. But you know who is a Nazi? DRAGONHUNTER IS. SHE JUST SAID SHE IS!_

 _Now to you, Dragonhunter, whatever. No, they weren't. They were fans, so fuck off, Dragonhunter. RONAN IS NOT A replicant_ _(Blade Runner SUCKS_ _) of Naruto, nor is he meant to replace him. See, I brought Naruto back. Okay, well, whatever. I live in LOS ALAMITOS. Yes, I got an A. Haha, bitch. Okay, well, yeah. I guess she is bisexual, but lesbian just sounds hotter, so fuck off. Well, the girls would have fucked me if it wasn't for Benji and my parents. I once had sex with an 18-year-old girl; she loved my really big dick in her cunt which was as wet as a bog. Yes, it was a typo, okay, so… okay._

 _Now, as king, I am not killing the gay guys and the religious, just people who don't like good music. I'm not even gonna bother to say that I meant Ronan, instead of me. After all, Ronan is me in an alternate reality that is based loosely on this one. Only with more awesome kaboom. Is there anything wrong with that? I guess, but I will change it a bit for something better. Oh yeah, I got Benji to write some more of Edfred. I didn't want to, but he begged me to and because I am awesome, I did. Haha, fucking fag, Benji. Oh, and Katie isn't grounded anymore! She will probably post part two of her fic soon. Okay, guys. I hope I get to fuck that bitch soon._

 **XXXXXXXXX69XXXXXXXXX**

 **CHAPTER 21: THE NEW KING**

TALIANA AND MADARA WERE THERE AND READY TO FIGHT, AND THEY'VE STARTED TO TALK TO US.

"SO, THOU ART FAMOUS NOW. WELL, NOW THOU ART GONNA BE FAMOUS… AND DEADETH!" Madara laughed out loud. "WE HAVETH THE PROPHECY." And he showed us the prophecy from a crystal ball that was made long ago. A big, sexy cougar's voice came from the crystal ball.

"Mmm… fuck yeah," she said in a sultry lust-filled manner. "The sexy one, Ronan Beelzebub, shall be the one to destroy the world at midnight, and he will be the one to destroy the-" But it cut off!

Naruto had started to fight, and we joined in!

"WE DO NOT HAVETH THE TIME FOR THIS NONSENSE!" yelled Madara.

"Muahahahahahahahahahahaha! Yes, we do not! You will destroy the world, and you know it! Muahahahahahahahaha!" said Taliana.

"NOOOOO! I CAN'T!" I screamed. "THAT CANNOT BE TRUE!"

"WHY, YOU ARE DEAD WRONG. IT IS BUT WHAT'S MEANT TO BE! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" said them both together! Then, they flew away!

The next morning, I was really horny, but when I woke up, there were photographers taking pictures of me. My big dick was out, and the girl photographer was dripping juice from her cum which was also dripping out of her cunt. Well, because I am the sexiest Gary Stu _EVAR_ , I can make her cum drip even more cum from the cum itself. …am I even making sense? At least, relative to the sanity levels in my totally awesome genjutsu. Anyway, I started to jack off my dick and I came on her camera, ruining it.

"Haha, biatch. Now you can't have pics!" And then I threw her off the balcony. She landed on a truck full of baloney, cushioning her fall.

"Mmm… hey, baby. You look sexy," Sakura got up from the huge-ass king-sized bed we slept together in. She stretched, dropping the thick blankets that previously obscured her torso and revealing her sexy double-N cup breasts to me that seemed to bounce on their own. "Oh my Got; your cock is so fucking hot. How are you right now?"

"Mmm… Bitch, I am good. How about you?"

"I'm good too; my cunt is steamy and wet right now," she replied and spread her legs, showing me her tight pussy that begged to be fucked. "Please finger it, okay. Please? Yes? Now you will?"

"Mmm… fuck yeah," I stuck my finger into her cunt. It was leaking so much juice and it was hot and steamy on the inside. I fisted her hard, then put my second fist in there and rolled them around inside. She moaned in pleasure.

"Ohhhh… Ronan… Mmm… Fuck yes. Jake! Mmm!" Again, she referred to me by that name, but I got the hunch that this was simply not the right time and place to question why she had called me that.

"Okay, wait; we have to stop. I forgot that I had a new speech as king for today," I said as I pulled my fists out of her.

"Oh, yeah; let's fucking go," she replied. So, we walked to the stadium where I'd be giving my speech instead of riding the private transportation that we have the privilege as royals to use, and despite all the security issues that come with being a royal walking about in open, public spaces with few-to-no bodyguards. But I'm awesome anyway; it doesn't matter how many maggots they got. I'll crush them all!

"Hello, people who live in Shinobi Nation!" Everyone in the crowd crapped and shouted. Yep, crapped is the right word, because I'm just pants-shittingly awesome and all. Not to mention, the girls' pussies started to leak cunt-juice. "Well, anyway, today I called you all here to announce new laws and change some from yesterday. To the people who were sentenced to death by li-jiung (a torture and execution method I have created which involves a blue light from my hand blowing a thousand small holes into the ears and allowing worms to breed in the wounds and into the brain, just so that the malefactor knows how modern music feels to my ears) for liking modern, shitty music, you will now just be put in jail for life, but anybody who is in a popular modern band, except for me, Sakura, and the rest of Titty Monsta, will be killed. Sorry."

The crowd cheered and hollered. "Okay, and I guess the gay guys can have sex, but only at their homes," I continued, "And no gay clubs or guys kissing in public. Ew, that's fucking gross. I don't want to see that shit, and that's all. Also, we will be destroying all the churches in town, ok!" And everybody clapped and loved me. (SEE, YOU GUYS, I AM TOLERANT. RIGHT? UH-HUH.)

We walked from the stadium to the Shinobi Car Dealership. When we were walking there, we saw bulldozers demolishing churches. The explosions were so fucking cool that I got an eruption. Then, we were at the car place.

"HELLO, AND WELCOME TO MY AUTOMOBILE DEALERSHIP!" it was Edfred!

"Oh no, not you _FAGGOT_ asshole again," I was displeased at the sight of him.

"NO! NOT YOU TWO RUFFIANS AGAIN! I AM ALREADY IN REPLETE OF YOUR SHENANIGANS! DECAMP YOURSELVES FROM MY STORE YOU FOUL TROGLODYTES!"

"No, we aren't gonna fucking leave. We want some fucking cars, asshole. Fuck!"

"FINE! PURCHASE WHATEVER YOU WANT! JUST RELINQUISH YOURSELVES FROM THIS PLACE AS SOON AS IS FEASIBLE!"

We went around the car lot and found awesome cars. We bought some Hummers, Ferraris, Lamborghinis, and lots of fancy sports cars and stuff. It cost a million dollars or so, but what the hell. Anyway, so we bought them, as I've said earlier.

"These are what we want; let us have them, or you fucking die," I asserted.

"GIVE ME YOUR CURRENCY." So we gave him the money.

"NOW PLEASE, PROMPTLY DEPART FROM HERE, YOU PHILISTINES!" Then we left with our cars and shit; it was so awesome.

When we got back to the dojo, Naruto was there, and he was mad at me. "RAAAAAHHHHH! WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH ALL THOSE CARS!?"

"I got them with my inheritance, and I'm the new Shinobi King. Duh, fucker."

"NO! WHY IS YOUR COCK SO FUCKING BIG!?" Naruto whined. "MINE IS TINY! YOUR MUSCLES ARE HUGE, TOO! YOU'RE MORE POWERFUL AND BETTER AT EVERYTHING THAN ME, AND YOU'RE FUCKING SAKURA, MY GF! I HATE YOU! YOU FUCKING SUCK!"

"What the fuck is your problem, dude?" I questioned.

"GRAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" Naruto screamed, and he punched me! It didn't hurt me even a bit, though. He then ran out crying like the little emo pussy boy he is. "I'M GONNA GET BACK AT YOU, RONAN! YOU'LL SEE!"

"Oh my Got; what could he mean?" said Sakura.

"I don't know; I just don't fucking know, whore," I said, and we WENT TO BED!

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 _AN: OKAY! THAT WAS CHAPTER 21! THINGS ARE GREAT, AND GETTING GREATER! Thanks to my fans and the sluts who rub their cunts to this! I love all you fucking whores, and fuck off again, flaming dummies! CHAPTER 22 MIGHT COME UP ON SATURDAY OR SUNDAY. I DON'T KNOW. OR MAYBE NEXT WEEK. WE'LL SEE. OH, AND DANNY, I… never mind._

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 **Jimmy's Notes**

I am not entirely sure what "Y JBO IUT 2 B! MUAHAHAHAHAH" is supposed to mean, and the closest thing I can come up with that connects to both what could be loosely called a plot and the gibberish typed out would be "WHY, YOU ARE DEAD WRONG. IT IS BUT WHAT'S MEANT TO BE! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!", in which Taliana and Madara tell Ronan in unison that it is what the prophecy states, and that he has to resign to his predestined fate as the one who will destroy the world.

Okay, speaking of which, I just hatched a random WMG right now. Because we all know that Jake Tanner is actually some dude who goes by SoSugoi/Aaron, I have a hunch that Aaron is actually a Star Ocean fan [which is likely because he happens to like sci-fi], and Ronan Beelzebub is basically just Fayt Leingod's head on Cliff Fittir's body, appearance-wise. [I'm also guessing that Cliff is probably one of the most-endowed guys in all of the Eternal Sphere.] Tying into that, Fayt Leingod in canon is a teenage boy, 19 years of age, who is genetically modified by his dad to carry the Destruction symbol in his genes in order to destroy the Creator, who had declared war on Earth because of their advances in science and in the forbidden art of symbology. While Ronan has the ability to shapeshift into a dragon form when he uses his powderful, er, _powerful_... attack skills [which is actually kinda reminiscent of Albel's Dragon Roar skill...], Fayt has the ability to grow angel wings on his back [and shoot blue light, which can blow more than just holes in stuff, out of his hands] when he uses Ethereal Blast, his ultimate attack skill.

I also added some stuff to the bland, pre-coitus dialogue between Ronan and Sakura, but even though I spelled it mostly correct, I'm still acting in-character as the Jake Tanner persona, or perhaps, his beta-reader who is _very much_ an enabler and a doormat to his whims. Part of the third flavor of the NVR Challenge is to add on to unfinished sentences and interpret typos, and if I ever decide to add commentary in-story, the commentary has to blend in and look in-character. And Sakura's moans of pleasure here are starting to be reminiscent of Wendy's moans of pleasure in _Gapang/Crawl_. UGH. On the bright side, the sheer awfulness of this makes me feel better about the sex scenes in some of my actual, serious works. And on the even brighter side, it all boils down to this whole dreck actually being a trollfic. Whew.

Li-jiung [fictional execution method, derived from the actual typo of 'lijiung' which is supposed to be 'liking'], in my extra-interpretation, may be Ronan's version of _ling chi_ , a Chinese torture and execution method used from 900 AD up until it was banned in 1905. It involves a long and drawn-out process of cutting the victim about a thousand times, keeping the malefactor alive as much as possible to maximize the pain. Hence, the term 'death by a thousand cuts.' [I've already started translating _Naruto's Sadness_ , the next chapter, which has the infamous _female genital mutilation_ scene. So, Ronan sentencing people to a cruel death for a shallow reason isn't quite OOC of him anyway. And so is cultural appropriation, in which Jake says that Japan is the place that has sushi and electronics and stuff.] Also, further research led me to find out that Lijiung may also be a misspelling of Lijiang, a Chinese prefecture-level city, and, upon reading cross-data about its history, the Qing dynasty was one of the dynasties that practiced this execution method a lot, and eventually, also got it outlawed. And by the time in history when there were already cameras that photographed this execution method still being used in the early 1900s, the dynasty already rules over the territory of Lijiang. But... enough of the gory details. To lighten things up a bit and to add further irony, an area by a lake in the UNESCO heritage site of the Old Town of Lijiang is Muoso, a _matriarchal_ society which is against the very kind of misogyny that Ronan epitomizes.


	22. Chapter 22: Naruto's Sadness

Jimmy's Note: Well, her tits, er… here it is. The infamous chapter where Ronan forces Sakura to _mutilate her own pussy_ as punishment for cheating, and where Naruto commits suicide because he's extremely jealous of Ronan's erhm… awesomeness, or his actual _lack thereof_. Sakura also moos, says that Ronan's Buick is huge, and refers to Naruto as _menudo_.

 **VIOWER EXCRETION STRONLY ADVISD!** The point of view also switches at a dizzying rate, inducing not just excretion, but also nausea, in you guys, the viowers. So, do make sure to stay hydrated after you spill your waste from both your mouth and your ass from the sheer vileness of the chapter ahead.

* * *

 _AN: Okay, so, well, as you guys can see, I reposted all my fic. It better not get fucking deleted again. Fuck. Okay, so now to you people, Pahcirir, Cheri, you don't know anything, so go away! And to moonlightewokf91, my character Ronan is very original; he is unique and special. OKAY, I NEED SOME CRITICISM. HAVING SOME CRITS IS GOOD, BUT IT'S MEAN TO DO TOO MUCH, ESPECIALLY TO ME! But see my fic, improved! Don't you see? Yes! Also, I don't know how to get Microsoft Word. Besides, spelling doesn't matter anyway._

 _Now, onto that bitch Dragonhunter: MY STORY IS NOT SHIT. SHUT UP! Well, it is gross because I am straight, so there. Okay, okay. So maybe I should get criticism, but you guys are so mean. I am a very good person, better than you guys, so yes! Okay, well, you see, the thing about that is Katie is an atheist too, but her family is Jewish; it's why her parents are stupid. They practice it; she doesn't. YES, WELL, I KNEW YOU WERE SARCASTIC. I WAS JOKING, SO HAHA! That's not why I brought him back. He is going to do lots of stuff. You'll see, ho! I did not rape her; I didn't! We had sex; she saw my huge dick and said, "heybabyyou'rehotlet'sfuck?"And we did, and she had hugantic (portmanteau of huge and gigantic. Duh!) tits, like double M cup. No, I love Katie, but yes, the sex is very good. She is such a hot fucking slut. OKAY, WELL THIS ISN'T IN AMERICA. IT'S IN SHIBOOBI, WHICH I RENAMED SHINOBI TO NOW THAT I AM KING. SO SHUT THE FUCK UP WITH THAT SHIRT! No, Edfred fucking sucks. He will not be on the fic again, so there. Oh, yeah. Katie e-mailed me saying you talked to me in a review of her fic! What the fuck! Well, I didn't have time for responding to that to you, but I will in my next fic. You bet, bitch!_

 _ANYWAY, HEY GUYS. KATIE IS GONNA POST REAPER GIRL PART 2 TONIGHT, OKAY! I'M EXCITED. YOU ARE, TOO; YOU KNOW IT! Now, it's time for the story! It's a great chapter; you'll all love it! AND WHAT THE FUCK; I COULDN'T POST IT LAST NIGHT! But here it is now, so whoooooooo!_

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 **CHAPTER 22: NARUTO'S SADNESS**

"Okay, um… hello? Yes? Is this thing on? Haha," I said. "Well, hey, cunts. I'm the king of Shiboobi, Ronan. Yep, as the new king, The Shinobi Nations will henceforth be known as the Kingdom of Shiboobi, founded by Ronan the Greatest of the Greats. Then again, you already know that!" Everybody was laughing at me. I was funny! "Okay, well guess what, everyone!" And everyone shot a wad. Yep, even the mere sound of my voice can make everyone ejaculate. I'm just _that_ sexy, y'know.

"Well, the church bulldozing starts today at 4pm!" I continued the declaration of revised laws. And everyone clapped because everyone was an atheist now. "Okay, um… yeah. And other stuff. People who play in modern bands won't be killed, okay. Ugh. But they will be jailed forever with their fans in unsanitary conditions! And anyone who is religious… well, religion is still banned, but if you really have to, you can pray in your house, but that's it. None of that other evil religion-brainwashing shit!" And everyone clapped again. (See? That's better.)

 ** _-POV CHANGE…?-_**

Ronan wasn't clapping, although he was looking angry and jealous. (Wait, _Ronan_? Is this a POV change? Wait… scratch that. This is a _reality swap_ , where Naruto and Ronan apparently switch bodies. And thus, this is from Naruto's point of view.)

"Hey, Ronan. My speech is done," I said. "What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"YOU! I FUCKING HATE YOU! YOU SUCK! YOU'RE MEAN AND STUFF! GRRR!" And he hit me!

"RONAN, FUCK OFF, OR I WILL KILL YOU!"

And he screamed again, "RAAAAAHHHHH!" He ran away with his arms flaying, bits of skin falling off of his grotesque form!

 ** _-BACK TO REALITY, OR AT LEAST THE VERSION OF REALITY IN THIS FANFIC. OH, AND RONAN'S POINT OF VIEW, AS WELL.-_**

"What the fuck is his problem, Sakura?" I asked Sakura, obviously.

"Well, he is jealous of you, don't you see?"

"Yeah, I guess… but why?" I said.

"Because you're hot and sexy and powerful and smart and well-endowed, and he isn't any of those," she said.

"Well, I guess that makes sense, but why? I mean, it's really hard to be awesome like me; I have so much pressure and problems!"

"Well, yes, I know, but he is fucking stupid, like I said."

"Okay, well should we go talk to him?" I asked Sakura.

"No, I will not. You will," she said. But then I said, "Well, I would be better at it than you. You don't understand guys, cunt."

"Well, yes, but I'm sure I can help. I mean, he's mad at you. Get it?" she said.

"Well, okay then, but don't fucking screw it up!" I said.

"Okay, then. Goodbye," she said and then I responded, "Goodbye, then," and she said, "Okay, bye."

 ** _-POV SWITCH TO THIRD PERSON-_**

"Hey, Naruto. How are you?" said Sakura to Naruto. She was back at the dojo.

"Not good; I fucking hate Ronan. He's so horrible," Naruto replied.

"NO, HE IS FUCKING NOT! YOU TAKE THAT FUCKING BACK, YOU FUCKING CORPSEFUCKER! HE IS BETTER THAN YOU AND ALWAYS WILL BE. DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND? HIS BUICK IS HUGE!"

"WHY ARE YOU DEFENDING HIM, YOU BITCH!" he said.

"Well, okay. You're right. I'm sorry, but he still is great, and you're wrong," Sakura obviously contradicted herself. "But I'm sorry you feel bad and shit… Do you... um… do you wanna funk?" said Sakura in a slutty voice.

"Yeah, let's listen to Red Hot Chili Peppers; they're awesome. Screw Ronan's rules on modern music. Just, screw him in general anyway."

"Yeah, that's cool and all, but I meant _fuck_. Do you wanna _fuck_?" Sakura said in an even sluttier voice.

"What? But cheating is wrong!" he said, but she said "Mmm… yes it is wrong but it's so fucking right to be wrong! Fuck my body, asshole! I need to be fucked!"

"No, I can't, Sakura. It would hurt Ronan so much. It's so evil to cheat!"

"Whatever! Come on!" she said.

"Well, ok, but my dick is really small," he said back.

"I don't care if you're dick's small, even if it won't feel as good. Just fucking fuck me, fucker!" she said like the evil, cheating whore she was. Just when they started to fuck…

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!"

IT WAS RONAN! RONAN CAME INTO THE ROOM!

"OH MY SHIT! WHAT THE FUCK, ASSHOLES! WHY ARE YOU BEING EVIL CHEATERS!" he yelled angrily because he was right! Yeah, right!

"Oh my Got, Ronan! It's not what it fucking looks like!" he yelled, but it _was_ what it looks like!

"YOU SLUT! YOU'RE EVIL! EVIL! EVIL! AND NARUTO, WHAT THE FUCK! WHY ARE YOU FUCKING MY GIRL? SHE'S MINE, NOT YOURS! YOU TWO ARE SO WRONG. GO AWAY! GO AWAY!" he yelled! "And they both ran out crying like bitches!

"Oh my Got! What have we done? We're so evil and wrong; he's right!" she said

"I feel so dirty; I'm gonna kill myself!" Naruto said, and he ran off.

"MENUDO, WAIT!" she yelled but it was too late; he was gone. Even the enticing smell of well-cooked Filipino [or Mexican] food that appeared in thin air from her hands did not sway him. Ronan's Gary Stu powers have rubbed off on Sakura, making her the ideal woman, at least from his own point of view. And of course, one of the powers she has is to be able to conjure any meal from thin air. [Now, if only she'd also conjure a poisoned In-N-Out burger for Ronan to eat, but… nahhhhhh.]

Back at the dojo…

"GRRR! WHAT THE FUCK! WHAT THE FUCK! RAAAAAHHHH! NOOOOOOO!" Ronan was punching the walls hard, and he was angry at those fuckers for cheating. But then, Sakura walked in!

 ** _-POV SWITCH TO RONAN'S-_**

"RONAN, PLEASE. I'M SORRY, PLEASE. RONAN, I LOVE YOU. I'LL PROVE IT!" she said.

"B'HOW?" I asked!

"I will cut off my pussy," she said.

"DO IT, BITCH! PROVE THAT YOU LOVE ME," I yelled! And she jabbed scissors into her cunt and cut it off! She screamed in pain and I knew she probably loved me. Plus, she was hot and I wanted to fuck her so we did fuck when we fucked, there was blood everywhere, and she was sweaty and hot and really hurting. The blood lubed my dick up. Usually, it is _not_ a good idea to use blood as lube, but because I am a sexy Gary Stu, I can turn blood into lube, same way Jesus turned water into wine. (I hate Christianity though. Same goes for every and all religion.) We fucked so hard, and I got an erection _only after I penetrated_ _her_ and jazzed (geddit, 'cause we had SAX?), and then my cum and my powers restored her cunt anew.

"OH MY GOT, Ronan. That was amazing," she said when I was done with her, and when she had her new pussy, it was already leaking. "Ready to go again?" she said and we did. Refractory periods are for wussies! And then when we were done again, she said, "OH MY GOT! NARUTO SAID HE WAS GONNA KILL HIMSELF. WE HAVE TO STOP HIM!"

"I DON'T WANT TO SAVE THAT FUCKER; HE CHEATED!" I said.

"But please," she yelled!

"URGHH… _FINE_ ," I said and we ran to the cliff where he was. Yep, I _knew_ just where he was because I sensed his presence using my powers.

"Naruto, stop! Don't!" I said.

"NARUTO, PLEASE. DON'T!" she yelled.

"What the fuck, Sakura! Are you sad and caring for him?" I said, and she said, "Yes, but not too much, but please. Save him!"

Then Naruto said, "NO, DON'T SAVE ME! THIS WORLD IS WRONG AND FUCKED UP AND YOU GUYS DON'T LIKE ME AND YOU'RE SO MUCH BETTER, RONAN. I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE, AND MY DOCK IS REALLY SMALL, AND SO IS MY DICK, SO GOOD _FUCKING_ BYE!" and he jumped and was dead.

"MOOOOOO!" Sakura yelled; for a moment there, her bovine inner spirit unleashed itself from her milky breasts in the midst of her sorrow. "He did it because you are so much better than him! WWWWWHHHHHHHHYYYYYYY!?"

And then I said, "Yes, it's sad. Let's go." And then she responded, "Okay."

 ** _-ANOTHER POV SWITCH TO 3_** ** _RD_** ** _PERSON-_**

And they left. Yes, really. _That's all._

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 _AN: THAT WAS CHAPTER 22. THE SCRAYEST CHAPTA IN THIS STYRO SO FAR. NO FLAMING, BECAUSE FLAMING STYROS IS BAD FOR THE ENVIRONMENT, K?_

* * *

Jimmy's Notes:

…I have no words.

Well, okay. What about some food talk, even though most of you guys have most likely lost your appetites by now? Menudo, aside from being the name of a now-defunct Puerto Rican boyband, is a Mexican and Filipino dish, although the recipes in the two countries widely differ. In Mexico, menudo is a traditional soup (also known as pancita) made with beef stomach (tripe) in broth with a red chili pepper base. In the Philippines, it is stew made with sliced pork and calf's liver in tomato sauce.


	23. Chapter 23: Betrayal

Jimmy's Note: Okay…. So I'm back. Dammit. That previous chapter where Ronan forced Sakura to cut her pussy with scissors took me a long-ass time to recover. But if it was _that_ bad, then the only way to go from there is up. _It has to be_ … It _fucking_ has to be… Still, there is a grotesque sex scene in this chapter that is worth writing over-the top, line-crossing death metal lyrics about. Again, **VIOWER EXCRETION STRONLY ADVISD.** Also, I've been listening to a lot of Steel Panther lately, and I find that this fic is basically the Steel Panther of fanfiction, now that it's been long confirmed that this whole thing is actually a trollfic. Fitting, as well, because Ronan happens to like glam metal.

And now, for the fic. [But first, 'Jake's' author notes.]

* * *

 _AN: OKAY, GOTDAMMIT. WTF. WHY DO I HAVE MORE FUCKING FLAMERS? GET THE FUCK OFF, LOSERS! I'M NOT GONNA RESPOND TO ALL OF YOU! EVEN THOUGH I AM ACTUALLY WRITING THIS OBNOXIOUSLY PUERILE AUTHOR'S NOTE IN THE FIRST PLACE! GOODBYE, UNNAMED! GLAD TO SEE YOU GO. HAHA! AND DRAGONHUNTER, RONAN IS A GREAT CHARACTER. STOP BEING MEAN TO HIM AND YES, SAKURA IS A CHEATING WHORE. ALL GIRLS WHO CHEAT ARE WHORES. DUH. I KNOW SEMEN DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY, BUT IN THIS STORY IT DOES, OKAY! AND NO, SAKURA IS A COW. (HAH) THAT WAS A TYPO. ALSO, I'M NICE. YOU JUST DON'T KNOW ME! Anyway, now to answer your thing from Katie's fic. I will not join groups and I don't want to talk to you! I don't need your help or advice; I know how great I am, and everyone loves me! You're just jealous and want to try to be awesome like me. Well, GUESS WHAT. YOU WON'T!_

 _ANYWAY, SO GUYS, KATIE POSTED THE SECOND CHAPTER OF RAPER, ER…_ REAPER _GIRL. HER TITS (geddit?): It's in the page of FFN user_ KatiekinzAnimeLuver96 _._

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 **CHAPTER 23: BETRAYAL**

"HELLO, IT'S ME. I WAS WONDERING IF AFTER ALL THESE YEARS YOU'D LIKE TO MEET, TO GO OVER EVERYTHING!" YELLED NARUTO. HE WAS WANDERING INTO THE EVIL LAIR OF MADARA AND TALIANA! "GET THE FUCK OUT HERE AND TALK TO ME!" HE YELLED AND THEY CAME!

"HELLO FROM THE OTHER SIDE. I MUST'VE CALLED A THOUSAND TIMES FOR YOU TO JOIN US. SO, WHAT BRINGS YOU HERE TO US TONIGHT?" ASKED MADARA EVILLY.

"I FUCKING HATE THAT RONAN BITCH. HE IS EVIL AND DOING THINGS TO ME. HE IS SEXIER AND RICHER AND STRONGER AND HAS A MORE GIGANTIC DICK THAN ME. HE IS HORRIBLE AND I HATE HIM!" YELLED NARUTO.

"THOU HAST COME to the dark side! Nice! Muahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!" said Madara.

"Yes, I want to join," Naruto replied, "I just fucking hate him so much. It's like he's perfect, and I hate him." And Ronan(?) started to cry like a girly slut-bitch.

"STOP YOUR BLUBBER!" yelled Madara.

"YES! AHOY, THE MASTER! OBEY, OR YE GOTTA WALK T'PLANK! BE FUCKING QUIET, YE SCALLYWAG BITCHY WENCH!" said Taliana.

"What the fuck. You guys are so mean! Don't you fucking understand!? My life is terrible, and it's all Ronan's fault!"

"Yes. Well… okay then. We shall team up together, yes. But please. Do not cry. That is for weak people," said Madara to Ronan(?).

"Thank you! We will DEFEAT RONAN! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" cackled Naruto.

"Yes… Muahahahahahahahahahaha!" Taliana joined in their EVIL LAUGH, AND IT WAS EVIL. AND THUNDER FLASHED THE ROOM!

 ** _The next day…_**

"Mm… Ronan… your cock is so fucking hot. Gimme some right now," Sakura moaned into my skin, and I slammed my huge beet into her mouth. It wacked her cheeks and it ripped her mouth, so she began to bleed from her tooth.

"Mmmm… Skank. You give such good fucking BJs. You goddamn whore-slut-bitch," I said as I rammed so hard that it hurt her spine and lungs because it was so huge.

"Oh my Got," she could still speak despite all the injuries she has sustained so far because my awesome Gary Stu powers have rubbed onto her, "Your dick is like a tennis ball canister thing! GIVE ME MORE. I NEED MORE!" She scratched me!

"WHAT THE FUCK, BITCH! DON'T YOU FUCKING SCRATCH ME AGAIN. GOTDAMMIT."

"Yes, master. I'm so sorry… female horse."

JUST THEN RONAN(?) BURST INTO THE ROOM! "YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE! GET AWAY FROM MY GIRL!" YELLED NARUTO, AND THEN HE THREW A SPEAR AT US THAT HAD MAGIC IN IT, AND TIED SAKURA UP!

"No! What the fuck are you doing, you asshole!? Why!? No, no, no!" I was yelling. Then Madara came up and said, "Ronan, do not fighteth this battle. Thou knows thy will joineth us and destroy the world anyway! COME WITH US!"

"I CANNOT NUT BECAUSE A COCONUT NUT IS NOT A NUT! IT'S A GOTDAMN DRUPE!" I shouted. Then, Naruto took a sword and tried to stab me, but I escaped just in time.

He yelled at me, then. "I'M SORRY BUT I HAD TO DO IT, FUCKHEAD!" he yelled cruelly.

"I SAVED YOU FROM KILLING YOURSELF! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME!? GIVE ME BACK SAKURA; SHE'S MINE, NOT YOURS!"

"NEVAAAAAAAAAAAR! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"THEN, WE SHALL DUEL! AT MIDNIGHT!"

"FINE, THEN. WINNER GETS SAKURA'S CUNT AND ASS!"

"OKAY, BYE!" And they flew off in black mole!

I ran to my Ferrari, got in, and drove off. "I have to fight that asshole Naruto," I said to nobody in particular, "He is evil now! He kidnapped Sakura and so did Mao Dra, Madara's communist vampire sidekick, and Taliana. They will not fucking win! I am better than them!"

I got so mad I crashed the car! I was hurt! I was gonna die! But then, I saw The Cougar's ghost!

"Ronan, listen to me! You must fight him! I WILL PEEL YOU AS I NOW HAVE THAT POWER." I was half-expecting her to skin me alive when she said that, but instead, as it turns out, she peeled off my pants and started to suck my dick. It was bringing me back to life, and when I came I was fully alive again. It was so hot but also good!

"Thank you, cougar," I said. "Thank you, whore." Then, her ghostly body started to flow and fade away.

"Never forget me! I love your dick!" she yelled as she went away.

"I won't, bitch. I fucking won't," I said. I ran into the desert where I was, and all of a sudden burst into my blue-flame dragon form! I started to fly over the desert and the kingdom of Shiboobi where I am king, and I roared, "RAHHHHHHH! I WILL SAVE YOU, SAKURAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" She could telepathically hear me.

"I hear you, Ronan. I know you well!

 _Ugh…_

 _Oh, fuck…_

 _Yes… Mmm…_

 _Oh, yeah... Ugh…_ "

Sakura came because my dragon voice was so sexy, and when I was flying, blue things shot out of me and I gave all the girls below me orgasms. I could hear cheering from below. "WE LOVE YOU, RONAN. THANKS FOR MAKING US ALL CUM!" And I flew off to the fight that was gonna take place at midnight!

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* * *

Jimmy's Note: Ronan(?) is a separate character from Ronan, and from what I interpret of this fic, is supposed to be Naruto losing his grip on reality because of the reality-warping powers of Ronan's genjutsu as evidenced by the switching POVs in the previous chapter that included Ronan taking Naruto's place in an alternate reality. The original writer, now that it's known that he's a troll, did that on purpose, most likely as a way to fuck with readers' minds. On one hand, it's pretty hilarious that 'Jake' would mix up his own 'badass motherfucking sexy-awesome Original Character' with a 'crybaby microdick bitch' like his version of Naruto as characterized in this fanfic. On the other hand, this switching of realities would actually make for an interesting plot for a fanfic/fix-fic of this fanfic, _or is actually the plot of this fanfic_ , hidden behind layers and layers of hatred, misogyny, homophobia, rape, violence, profanity, and misspelled words that most readers, admittedly including myself, would focus and dwell on instead of the stealthily-emerging plot.


	24. Chapter 24: Epic, Badass Battle - Part 1

Jimmy's Note: … the only way to go from _that_ chapter with the scissors is up, or so I'd like to believe. It has to be. Still, there is yet _another_ grotesque scene in this chapter that is worth writing over-the top, line-crossing death metal lyrics about, although I admittedly wrote that extra scene in to justify a malapropism and fill in a void in a vile way that only Jake Tanner himself, or maybe the crazy-creative dude behind that persona, can really pull off to its utmost degree of searing accuracy and bloodcurdling precision.

Again, and most likely gonna be as always until _Chapter 70_ at least, **VIOWER EXCRETION STRONLY ADVISD.** [Probably gonna need a trigger warning here for a female-on-female rape scene, but if you know about this fic which is more likely if you have made it this far, then maybe not.]

* * *

 _AN: OKAY, SO I DON'T REMEMBER THE REVIEWS LEFT FOR ME LAST TIME, SO FOR ONCE, I GET TO WRITE A SMALL AUTHOR'S NOTE AND NOT RESPOND TO YOU FLAMERS! Anyway, so I figured everyone should know that DANNY AND TINA BROKE UP. It's V-ray sad [geddit, because I simply can't understand the intricacies of 3D rendering, and that's just sad] and terrible, but they weren't as sexy a couple as Katie and I. So, anyway, did you guys hear that Christopher Hitchens is dying?_

 ** _-Ladies and Gentlemen, we interrupt this program for a special announcement!-_**

Jimmy's Note: Yep. He's been dead like 5 years ago. _…5 fucking years ago?_ Wait. Wow. Holy shit. So this thing is already _5 fucking years old_? RIP Mr. Hitchens. Then again, perhaps he'd only be able to really do that on a meta level [since he doesn't believe in any religion and afterlife] when religious tyranny is pretty much done for. And with Republicans and ultraconservative religious folk fronting all acts of the shitshow that is present-day [Trumpian] American politics, it's not gonna happen yet.

 ** _-…aaaaaand we're back!—_**

 _Oh my Got; that's so bad and sad. He's such a good person. I love you, Christopher Hitchens [RIP], though I'm not a fag, and you guys know he's good friends with Richard Dawkins. Oh my Got; Richard Dawkins is so cool! He's smart and they are both right on religion, and that's so cool! Christopher Hitchens supports Vladimir Lennon, er, Lenin… like me. That guy was really cool, and what he did was great! Vladimir Lenin, like John Lennon, rocks! I just started to learn about him in school. Che Guevara is awesome, too._

 _Anyway, here's Chapter 24!_

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 **CHAPTER 24: PART 1 OF THE EPIC BADASS BATTLE WITH NARUTO**

As I was flying to the fight in my sexy dragon form, all of a sudden, I fell out of the sky because Naruto had shot me down!

"GRR, RONAN! WHAT THE FUCK, YOU ASSHOLE! FUCK YOU!" And he started to beat me up evilly. "GRR! YOU ARE TRYING TO DESTROY MADARA'S AND MY PLAN!"

"WHAT PLAN? DOESN'T MADARA JUST WANT TO DESTROY THE WORLD?"

"NO, YOU IMBECILE! HE IS CONSPIRING WITH-" but then I punched him as he was distracted!

"Fuck you, you capitalist, evil man," I creamed on him, not because I'm gay, and that'd be disgusting okay. Rather, it's all a matter of dominance. I guess it's kinda similar to what they do to soap-droppers in prison.

"WHAT ISETH THOU DOING!" yelled a dark voice. It was Madora, that Madonna wannabe! "THOU SHALT NOT DEFEATETH THY NARUTO!"

"YES I WILL; HE IS A WHINY, FAGGY BITCH, AND I WILL DEFEAT HIM!" I yelled back, because when you are in an epic, badass battle, _nobody_ has an indoor voice.

"NO, YOU WILL NOT!" And the Madonna impersonator, revealing himself to actually be _Madara_ rather than _Madora_ , blasted a black light from his mouth, and it flew at me, knocking me out and down! For a sexy, awesome, badass Gary Stu such as myself, I get knocked down way too easily and one too many times.

I could hear Sakura's sexy, whore voice in my head calling to me. "Ronan! You can't fail me! You must rescue me because I am a girl and can't rescue myself! Please, help… OH GOT, HELP! NO! MADARA IS GONNA RAPE ME! AHHHHHHHH!"

"NOOOO! SAKURA!" And I went unconscious.

"WAKETH UP, DOUCHEBAG!" yelled Madara. "Eateth this food!" And he threw a disgusting food that was Indian food at me. It was curry, and it was _disgusting_. (Ew, Indian food is gross; most Asian food is really gross, except for sushi which is really cool! FUCK YOU BENJI FOR MAKING ME TRY ALL THAT SHIT! WHY DO YOU LIKE IT? IT'S GROSS!) "EAT THE BUTTER CHICKEN!" (That's one of Benji's favorites. LOL! Loser!)

"NO I WILL NOT, YOU EVIL MAN!" and I punched him in the balls, except I didn't actually _touch_ his balls because I'm not a fag, you yaoi bitches. Rather, I emitted an electromagnetic force field at precisely 0.69 picometers away from the outline of my skin when my fist almost made contact with his crotch. "FINE, THEN! YOU SHALL NOT EAT ANYTHING TODAY!" and Madara swashed out of the dungeon.

I was all locked up, chained up alone by myself. It was terrible, horrible, no good, very bad.

"RONAN! SAVE ME! MADARA RAPED AND TRAPPED ME! HELP!"

The scream was so bad; I got into my blue dragon form and broke out from the chains and then put on my special MASTER CHEF _and_ Master Chief (from Halo) suits on top of each other. You can never go wrong with extra protection from extra layers of clothing! I then got my really big, mystical Shibopanese (it's a portmanteau of Shiboobi, the kingdom which I rule over, and Japan. Duh) gun out, and started to bash through the doors and walls and shit, and then I finally reached Sakura's dungeon chamber and I saw TALIANA RAPPING HER!

 _Oh my gosh, look at her butt. Oh my gosh, look at her butt._

 _This dude named Michael used to ride motorcycles;_

 _Dick bigger than a tower, I ain't talking about Eiffel's;_

 _Real country ass nigga, let me play with his rifle._

Well, time to show this Michael dude who's the boss when it comes to long dicks. And it ain't even Long Dick Johnson who had a fucking long dick. (I know this not because I'm gay, okay. It's just that my ex-girlfriend Cassidy kept talking about that fucker back in Los Alamitos. She fucking screamed _his_ name instead of mine while we were fucking each other's brains out. Bitch got dumped right after that.) Nope. They got nothing on _my_ monster.

"Oooh…. Mmm… Yess…. No, stop! This is rape…" I could hear Sakura moaning, most likely in sexual pleasure, but her voice was also laced with some agony. Yes, rape indeed. Nicki Minaj, and all other modern music, is ear rape anyway. I continued to look through the window on the heavy, metal door that separated me from Sakura and Taliana.

"…but oh my Got; it feels so fucking good! Mmm… Fuck me more with that, you whore!" I heard Sakura yelling at Taliana, who had a big, black leather bar [wait, no; it's a _metal_ bar] and was shoving the metal bar into Sakura's big, flapping, juicy cunt. I started to jerk off to it. Thankfully, this Master Chief suit has an easy access flap. They probably designed it that way so that going to the bathroom would be easier, but… It was so hot, but then Taliana looked around and saw me! "YOU SHAN'T BE HERE!"

So I blasted her with my gun and the bullet went into her cunt and exploded. Blood was everywhere, but she got an instant, chunky _organism_. It crawled right out of her, squirming and covered in embryonic fluid and blood. It then revealed itself to be several organisms which looked like horrific science accidents scraped out of the bottom of the nasty radioactive vat made of modern pop music, slash fics, and Asian food.

"Uhhh… Ohghhh… Yesss…" she moaned in her deep, sexy voice before she fell unconscious, somehow _surviving_ the ludicrous gibs and feeling _pleasure_ instead of the pain from the explosive, grisly destruction of her pussy, and the satyrs, which I identified the horrific creatures to be, were around her head. I shot at them and they fell instantly, their rancid carcasses stacking over Taliana's passed-out, mangled form.

"C'MON SAKURA; LET'S GO!" I said as I let her down from the chains that immobilized her.

"YES MASTER! OOH WAIT!" and Sakura let out a huge juicy fart and poop flew out of her dress all over onto Taliana, who _drank_ it, and then Sakura let out one, tiny farty poof. Fucking hell; Taliana not only _survived_ that shot that mutilated her, but was also _barely fazed_ by the fact that there's a _bloody mess_ of what used to be her pussy _and_ the fact that Sakura's liquid dookie is going to _infect_ those oozing wounds.

"Oops; excuse me," and Sakura gijiggled. (A portmanteau of giggle and jiggle.)

"Now, are you ready, cunt?"

"YES, SIR! LET'S GO!" AND WE DID!

"QUICK! RUN FASTER, BUTCH!"

"Butch? Wait. Who the fuck is Butch? …you cheating on me with a guy? Not that I mind because guy-on-guy is pretty hot…"

"Just fucking run, okay!" I chided her, making a mental note of her non-negative opinion towards guy-on-guy for later.

"I'm trying as hard as I can!" but she slipped and needed help up because she is a dumb bitch girl.

"Ughhh… fucking, fuck slut," I muttered under my breath. "Here, let me help you up," I said, reaching a hand out towards her.

"Okay, thanks for that; I needed it!" she roared at me with a sudden fierceness as she stood back up and let go of my hand, and then we reached a door. "HERE, LET ME PUNCH THROUGH," I said hotly and I did, but then we were on the other side of the door, Madara and Naruto were waiting for us...

"MUAHAHAHA! YOU FOOLS! DID YOU REALLY THINK YOU COULD ESCAPE THAT FAST? WELL, YOU CAN'T!" Madara then looked up at the rafters. "ATTACK, LEATHER PUSSIES! ATTACK!" yelled Madara, and all of a sudden, these sexy, black leather ninja cat girls dropped from the ceiling! They all started to talk together with a purring, sexy cougar (Le-mow! You get it, right? Because they're cat girls, and they have _cougar_ voices? xD) "Mmm… hey Ronan, sexy fucker. Sorry, but we gotta fight you!" they said in their hot voices.

I looked at them; they were so fucking sexy. They had leather outfits on, and cat tails, and cat ears, and they were all blonde, and they all had huge tits, and six pairs of them like cats do on average. (I think cats have six pairs, right? [Jimmy's Note: Nope. That would be _three_ pairs on average. If it were six _pairs_ , then that means that cats would have twelve nipples, which is _twice_ the average of six nipples.]) Anyway, their nipples were huge and hard through their leather outfits, and then the leading tall, blonde catgirl said, "WE ARE NOW FIGHTING! MUAHAHAHAHAHA! PURR… PURR… PURRRRRR!" and we began to fight!

 **XXXXXXXXX69XXXXXXXXX**

 _AN: END OF PART ONE OF THE BATTLE WITH NARUTO AND THE SEXY CATGIRL! HOPE YOU GUYS LOVED IT. IT WAS EPIC, RIGHT!? MORE GREAT STUFF AND SHOCKING TWISTS ARE CUMMING! YOU'LL HATE-LOVE IT!_

* * *

Jimmy's Notes: I only wrote in the following scenes; everything else is actually in the original version of this story.

· The electromagnetic force field as Ronan's way of explaining why he didn't technically touch Madara's balls.

· The satyrs as the 'chunky organism' [instead of orgasm] that Taliana got after Ronan shot her pussy

· And the 'satyrs' are in turn actually in the original fic as what Taliana saw around her head before losing consciousness instead of 'stars.' The satyrs as I described them are based off of the Centaurs in _Fallout_.

· Taliana rapping Nicki Minaj at Sakura [it was written in the original fic as 'rapping' instead of 'raping']

· Ronan's flashbacks about his ex-girlfriend Cassidy [which is a shoutout to _Fallout: New Vegas_ in which Cass talks about Long Dick Johnson in the context of NCR spreading itself too thin and trying to be everything all at once if the player has her as a companion.]

· Sakura wondering who Butch is [was in the original fic, instead of 'bitch' as was most likely intended. I would've put a shoutout to Butch DeLoria of _Fallout 3_ here, but, nah…]

· Ronan's deconstructive commentary on the fact that Taliana survived a _gunshot to her pussy_ that ended in ludicrous gibbing, as well as the fact that she just received a brown shower from Sakura even when her crotch wound is still a mangled, bloody mess.

Everything else, such as Ronan shooting Taliana's pussy in the first place, Taliana getting an organism/orgasm from the gunshot, and Taliana getting a brown shower from Sakura, is actually in the original version of the fanfic.

Also, physics says that you can't really 'touch' anything. So, that would also mean that, if this fic follows the laws of physics of this universe, which is probably not likely to be the case anyway, Ronan and Sakura never really touched no matter how many times they had fucked this far into the fic. And neither did Sakura and Taliana, and I'm saying this, perhaps as a way to hopefully soften the blow of grisly nastiness that the fic has to offer. And therefore, Jake Tanner/Ronan Beelzebub is actually, inadvertently, _correct,_ when he said that he didn't touch Madara's balls when he punched them. There's always a subcellular distance [about 10 nanometers] between you and any object you are 'touching', and the sensation you feel is an electromagnetic field between atoms created by _repulsion,_ and the sensation is dependent on the atomic structure of the object you are sensing. So, that is most likely why intense pain [or pleasure] is described as electrifying.

Some basic principles of particle physics and of understanding matter at the atomic level to remember are that:

· All matter is made of atoms. Atoms contain electrons.

· Electrons are negatively charged and they push away from each other when they get close enough (electron repulsion).

· Our brains perceive the electromagnetic force created by electron repulsion as "touching" (it's actually more like hovering at 10^-8 meters, or 10 nanometers, which is the thickness of the cell wall in Gram-negative bacteria, as well as the smallest semiconductor device fabrication node as of 2016. As a side note, 10 nanometers is equal to 10,000 picometers. So that would mean that if Ronan was precisely 0.69 picometers away from Madara's balls as the pseudoscientific explanation I wrote [and is also a backhanded shoutout to _Bocu No Pico_ ], Ronan's fist is actually very much closer to Madara's balls than a happily-married couple is to each other's bodies when they are having sex.)

· If two particles actually touched, it would create a nuclear reaction. Yep, _Fallout_ happened because of a lot of touching. And if Ronan's fist did touch Madara's balls, then that means he'd just _megaton punched_ Madara's balls.

· The only things in the universe that can actually occupy the same space are bosons (like the photon).


	25. Chapter 25: Epic, Badass Battle - Part 2

Jimmy's Note: So, this chapter is a bit tamer than the few ones before it, but still. **VIOWER EXCRETION STRONLY ADVISD.** And the wall of author's notes is back.

* * *

 _AN: OKAY, TO THE FLAMERS, I GOT SOME MASSAGES, ER…_ MESSAGES _, FOR YOU. TO YOU, SPADE, OH MY GOT; YOU'RE A GIRL BISEXUAL. OH MY GOT. YES YOU ARE ONE. WELL, DUH. OF COURSE YOU ARE. LOL. GUYS CAN'T BE BI; EVERYONE KNOWS THAT! XD Well, as for that Jimster dude who claims to be a bisexual guy [who even looks like a lady, to boot], nope. Everyone knows that he's a girly uke catamite bitch boy who just claims to be bi just to have some 'man points'. Well, his being a blatant uke reduced all that to zero irrevocably. Everyone knows that guys can only be either straight and awesome like me, or a crybaby loser faggot like my brother Benji. No in-betweens, and it's non-negotiable and unchangeable. Anyway, that's so fucking hot, Spade. You're hot, I bet. Mmm… Yeah. Anyway, my characters have big, cool personalities, so whatever. You say you're an atheist and don't hate Christians. Well, you're not a real atheist like me and Richard Dawkins and Christopher Hitchens. Anyway, would you please PM me since you're a bi girl, because that is so fucking hot? Mmm… I got a big boner, yeah… And I'd love to have a threesome with two girls again…_

 _Now, to you chrompeltah: Thank you for the great review. Yes, I know it's very sad. Sadly, I don't think they will get back together. Yes, I love action girls and Sakura and the cat girls will be action-y here, soon. Unfortunately, I can't have Ronan be asexual because he has to have sex with the girls, but that is a very good idea, so I will have a character cum [geddit] out as asexual! Thank you; I'm glad somebody understands how hard it is to be me._

 _DO NOT SPAM ME LOLTROLL._

 _Ronan Sucks, Ronan does not suck, you mean person! And Naruto could not beat up Ronan. Neither could Sakura; you don't know anything about my fic!_

 _And unnamed, I won't even talk to you even though I bothered to actually write you this shite. I am not Hitler. You're mean; I work with an anti-racism thing at my school, so there! Go away!_

 _Now to you, Dragonhunter. My writing is not getting worse; it's getting better. You just don't know good writing when you see it. I never said gay guys are bad; it's just gross because I'm straight. Eww. I'm putting my atheism in this fic because I wanted this fic to deal with really serious issues like religious tyranny and I'm doing a good job, OK! AND DON'T YOU INSULT MY WRITING. I'M BEING A GOOD WRITER, OKAY! I'M, VERY TALENTED; MY ART TEACHER SAYS SO! Anyway, Benji can't talk to you; I 'accidentally' broke his computer, LOL. And I definitely won't let him use my computer. He'd probably look at gay porn or something LOL. And I just looked at that page on my fanfiction. YOU PEOPLE ARE VERY MEAN. WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME? I AM AN INNOCENT PERSON! THAT'S NOT FUNNY! GRRR! WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT!?_

 _Rah! Now I'm real mad, but anyway, OH MY GOT; HERE IS CHAPTER 25!_

 **XXXXXX69XXXXXX**

 **Chapter 25: PART 2 OF THE EPIC BATTLE WITH NARUTO**

One of the catgirls punched Sakura. "NO, YOU DON'T! NOT HER, CUNTS!" And I started hitting and punching the sexy, hot-ass catgirls.

"MEOWWW! HISSSS!" said the lead catgirl who then leaped on me and started to scratch me with her paws and hit me with her tail. "RAWR XD! YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD WIN? WELL, YOU CAN'T, FUCKER!" Then I heard Sakura scream!

"OH MY GOT, RONAN! HELP! THE CATGIRLS… OOOHHH… UGGHH… YESS… THEY'RE RAPING MY _PENIS_ …"

Wait… _penis_? Shit… they're mind-raping her! And the catgirls were going into Sakura's steamy, hot, sexy, fishy pussy (geddit, 'cause they're catgirls; they like fish? LMAO) and into her stinky butt. "UGHH… UGHHH… YESS… OH MY GOT… YESS… UGHH…. HARDERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!" she yelped.

"MUAHAHAHA! DO YOU SEE THAT!?" said the main catgirl who was on top of me.

"Yes, I do; it's so fucking hot," I replied, and the main catgirl could feel my huge cock rubbing against her six tits. "Wow, well your dick is really big! Maybe I'll suck it before I kill you! Muahahahahaha!" So then she started to unzip my pants but my dick was so big that when it came out, it knocked her head and she fell unconscious!

"SAKURA!" I ran to her. It was really hot- what they were doing to her, but I knew I should save her, so I did.

"We must find Madara and Naruto!" I yelled, and we ran through the lair away from the catgirls who were chasing after ass/us.

"RONAN, STOP! PLEASE! I WANT YOUR GIGANTIC FUCKING MONSTER DICK!" the lead catgirl yelled.

"You do?" I said and she said yes, so I stopped and then she said, "Well, I was half-telling the truth. I do want your cock, but I'm still gonna kill you!" And so the other catgirls jumped on Sakura and CUNTinued what they were doing to her earlier and the main, leader catgirl started to suck my dick.

From above, in the lair, Naruto and Madara were watching what was going on.

"MUAHAHAHAHAHHA! THE PLAN! IT'S WORKING! BACAW!" clucked Madara like the cocky [geddit] but cowardly motherfucker that he is.

"Yessss…. Yessss… It is," said a dark guy voice from behind them.

"Do you think that there's any chance that Ronan will win?" said another dark voice behind them, though this was a girl.

"NEVERRRRRR AHAHAHAHAHA!" laughed Magara, an orchid-haired woman who used to be the lover of an ancient Roman small-dicked Gary Stu whom I've pwned some time ago in my dragon form. Then, both dark voices and three more (two guys and one more woman) all laughed evilly "THE COUNCIL APPROVES! MUAHAHAHAHA!"

Back at the fight, Sakura was being sexily raped by the catgirls.

"OOMMMM... YESS… UGHHH… KEEP GOING, YOU CATSLUTS!" she _steamed_ loudly. The main catgirl was vigorously sucking my huge dick. "Ugh… I need to fuck it," she said, so I got my cock out and shoved it into the pussy's pussy. (ROFL)

"UGHH, YESS! OOOHHHHH! MMMM! YESSSS! UGHH… UGHHH… GUH…" Then she began to float and her eyes glowed green!

"Ronan, WHAT'S GOING ON?" asked Sakura.

"I don't know," I said.

But then, cunt juice started to rain down on us. It was cumming (hope you understand that) from the catgirls' pussies! And then they all fell down and stopped glowing!

"What happened?" asked Sakura.

"I don't know," I said.

Then all the girls woke up! The main catgirl walked to me. "Thank you, sir, for freeing us from our slavery. We were being kept as slaves by Madara, but when I got an orgasm, it freed me and all of them, too, since we are connected by psychic catgirl connections. Thank you so much. Thank you! We are now yours," she said.

"Wait… wait a sec. If you say you're free… then you conclude by saying you girls are now mine… didn't you just contradict yourself?" I asked. I was shocked.

"We're saying this out of our own volition," she replied. "We choose you."

"Well then. CATGIRLS, COME ON!" I said. "WE HAVE TO DEFEAT MADARA AND NARUTO! LET'S FUCKING GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE!"

"Yes, master!" And they all followed me!

* * *

 ** _-3_** ** _rd_** ** _Person POV Switch-_**

"NOOO! WHY IS THIS HAPPENING!? NO! IT CANNOT! NO! GRRR!" the Council's leader shook his head in disapproval and anger as he watched Ronan free his feline minions from his control. He then faced Madara and Naruto to chastise them for their incompetence. "Madara, Naruto, you shall not fail us again. You cannot give in to the evil, capitalist agenda."

"Yes, we know," Madara replied. "COME NOW, NARUTO! WE MUST GO DEFEAT THEM!"

"YES, WE SHALL," Naruto said.

And so they ran out of the room and left the council by themselves.

"Do you think he will win?" said one of the Council's girls.

"I don't fucking know. I just don't really know," said one of the Council guys. Naruto and Madara were running to the top of the lair that was a million feet above the ground, and Sakura, Ronan, and the catgirls were running there, too.

"I CAN SEE HIM! THEY'RE AT THE TOP! HURRY, RONAN! HURRY!" said Sakura.

* * *

 ** _-back to Ronan's POV-_**

Finally, we got to the top of the lair. It was storming outside, and thunder was in the clouds.

"SO, YOU HAVE COME TO BE DEFEATED, HASETH THY? WELL! THAT'S WHAT THOU SHALL GETETH! MUAHAHAHAHA!"

Lightning struck the background behind Mufasa, another one of Madara's minions. It's a talking lion that seemed to have its mind controlled by the Council.

"You shouldn't have come, Ronan! I don't want to have to do this, BUT I WILL! HAHAHAHA! I AM EVIL NOW, YOU SEE!"

"YES, I DO!" I SAID BACK. "CATGIRLS, ATTACK!" I screamed, and our epic battle began!

 **XXXXXX69XXXXXX**

 _AN: OKAY, THAT WAS CHAPTER 25. I WILL POST 26 ON SUNDAY NIGHT SO YOU GUYS WON'T HAVE TO WAIT FOR THE EPIC ENDING!_

* * *

Jimmy's Note: The story states that the top of the Council's lair is a million feet (which is 304.8 kilometers) from the ground.

The troposphere extends from the earth's crust to about 10km above it. Mount Everest is still within the troposphere, being 8.848km high. A typical airplane cruises at 9km up. Clouds are generally within this layer. Cirrus clouds are found 6km above the Earth, and are indicative of fair weather.

The stratosphere starts from the tropopause [where the troposphere terminates] to about 50km above the crust. Military jets (from the SR-71 onward to modern planes) can hit over 30km up. The ozone layer is also found here, 10 and 17-50km above the Earth. Storm clouds, also known as cumulonimbus clouds or thunderheads, can actually reach this altitude, about 15 meters above the earth [with extreme instances as high as 21m] because of their height, although their bases lie on the troposphere as with most other clouds.

The mesosphere starts from the stratopause to about 90km above the crust. In the US, "space" begins at 80.4km. As of present time, this is the least-understood layer of the Earth's atmosphere.

The thermosphere extends from about 90 km to between 500 and 1,000 km above the Earth. General international consensus sets a similar limit for the start of space as 100km. "Low Earth Orbit" (LEO), where many satellites live, goes from 160km to 2,000km. If this fanfic is set on a world with a similar atmosphere to that of real-life Earth, the top of the Council's lair would be in this layer of the atmosphere, being 304.8km from the ground.

Assuming that Ronan, Sakura, and the catgirls started the trek to the top of the lair from a point in the ground that is at sea level, they climbed approximately _34.4 times the height of Mount Everest._ They would have also experienced both the hot and cold extremes of temperature and variations in atmospheric pressure over their trek, which unfortunately wasn't described much in-story. But then again, if you are Ronan Beelzebub, Physics [and, come to think about it, all other branches of science that, together, form the universal tree of reality] would become so willing to take your anatomically-impossible dick in its tight, near-impenetrable Uranus. Unless Ronan used his teleportation powers, which would actually make _more_ sense in a rare moment that only Mr. SoSugoi can conjure in his alter-ego's sordid imagination… _unless_ the lair has a teleport jammer which has a transmission signal that covers the entire tower.

The exosphere is the very edge of the atmosphere. This layer separates the rest of the atmosphere from outer space. It's about 10,000 kilometers thick, almost as wide as Earth itself.


	26. Chapter 26: Finale of the Epic Battle

Jimmy's Note: Possible trigger warnings for female-on-male rape and implied anti-Trump propaganda in a fictional context. But if you have made it this far into the fic, you have been too desensitized to even bother with TWs in the first place. As always, **VIOWER EXCRETION STRONLY ADVISD**.

* * *

 _AN: RAHHH BENJI, YOU MOTHERFUCKER! WHAT THE FUCK, YOU LYING ASSHOLE! JUST, WHAT THE FUCK!? Okay, so do you know what the fucker Benji did? He fucking unhooked my computer and hid it somewhere before I could post the finale of the epic battle! I couldn't find it and he didn't give it back to me until Thursday! And he wouldn't let me use his computer either! And I couldn't use my dad's or my stepmom's because they say they are "for business" and "private" and I couldn't use Landon's or Matthew's (they share one) because they said theirs was down, too, but I found out that Benji is gonna do their chores for a week if they didn't let me use their computer. I DON'T BLAME LANDON AND MATTHEW; IT'S ALL BENJI. HE'S BRAINWASHING THEM OR SOMETHING. HE IS THE WORST BROTHER EVER. FUCK YOU, BENJI! FUCK YOU!_

 _Okay, now for my author's note. To the FLAMERS and FANS (I love you if you're girls, and if you're guys, well, you're cool, too, but I don't love you because I'm not gay) : unnamed, get the fuck off, cunt! Dragonhunter, I DO NOT ACT LIKE I'M 8. I ACT LIKE I'M 5! FIVE! YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT ME! No, guys can't be bus-sexual for the most part, unless they actually like that game CrazyBus or something. A gay kid in school told me so._

 _Yes, I'm both an atheist and a dysteleologist. You're being so mean that I can't respond to everything because of it! But Sakura liked it, so it wasn't rape. Do you see, then? YES, HIUH, THE BATTLE WILL BE REALLY COOL! To spade, WHAT THE FUCK. WHY DID YOU REJECT ME? NOBODY REJECTS JAKE FUCKING TANNER! FUCK YOU! YOU'RE EVIL, AND I BET YOU ARE A CAPITALIST PIG WHO LIKES MODERN MUSIC TOP 40 SHIT! Ronan isn't perfect; he has a mole on his face. SEE, IS THAT PERFECT? THIS IS A VERY IMPORTANT STORY TALKING ABOUT VERY BIG ISSUES. Well, the story is dark, duh. There's sex too, that's darkja. Not just dark; DARKJA. AND YES, I AM A REAL NARUTO FAN. I UNDERSTAND THE STORY. THIS IS BASED ON THE REAL STORY. YOU DON'T GET ANYTHING! To moonlightwolf29, but you don't understand; the religion is important to the plot. You see, the religion is actually evil and it's part of an evil plan and twist that you guys will never see cumming (geddit)! To the awesome chrompeltah, your suggestions have been good, though not as good as my idea, so I'll combine your ideas and it'll be very good, you'll see. It's another epic twist! Anyway, Danny and Tina will not be getting back together. I heard that Tina will be moving soon, so yeah. She now also has a new girlfriend named Fanny. She's sexy, too._

 _Yes, thank you, my life is very hard. Lots of people do not understand what it's like to be as great as me. It's very difficult. It's a burden being wonderful like me. Something very surprising will happen to Naruto, you'll see. And yes, you see, Ronan is based somewhat off of me- he's a lot like me, actually! And some of this was inspired by my life, so I could tell you guys more about it someday!_

 _And now to Chapter 26!_

 **XXXXXXXXX69XXXXXXXXX**

 **CHAPTER 26: FINALE OF THE EPIC BATTLE**

The cat girls ran across the roof at Madara, and he started screaming and they attacked him and clawed him. "AHHHH! HELLPPP! AHHHH! PLEASE! OH, GOD! AHHHH! I'M ALLERGIC TO CATS!" Madara fell unconscious.

"Haha, stupid Madara. He is so stupid," I said, laughing out loud.

"Yes, Ronan! I agree!" said Sakura.

"YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE DONE THAT TO MY MASTER! YOU WILL PAY! RONAN! IT IS TIME WE FIGHT… TO THE DEATH!" Naruto yelled, and he pulled out a really big evil glowing sword!

"MUHAHAHAHAHAHA" The cat girls were raping Madara, except guys can't get raped by girls, so they weren't. Well, so much for that. What was the fucking point of mentioning that Madara was raped when he actually wasn't? Instead, they beat him with their tails.

"OW! OUCH! OOOOOO! EEE! AAHHHHHH! OWCHIE! OW-OW-OW! STOP IT, YOU FUCKING CATBICHES!" he dreamed. Yes, as a totally sexy awesome Gary Stu, I can also watch the dreams of other people, and I know for a fact that every woman (and gay man, but I don't reciprocate their feelings 'cause I'm not gay) dreams of me fucking their brains out.

I ran to another tower on the roof that went higher than the one that was a million feet tall. Naruto was running up its walls, and I was running behind him.

"YOU STOP IT RIGHT NOW, FUCKER! WE HAVE TO FIGHT!"

"I CAN'T FIGHT YOU! YOU'LL BEAT ME! YOU'RE TOO POWERFUL FOR ME! GO AWAY!" He said, even though he was the one who proposed that we fight to the death in the first place.

"WELL, THAT'S TRUE, BUT WE MUST STILL FIGHT!" I YELLED! And we got to the top of the tower! Just then, Naruto got into a big mecha-transformer thing! He was bigger than me!

"OH NO, WHAT AM I GONNA DO!?" Then, the cougar's ghost head came to me.

"RONAN! You must fight him! You can fucking do it!" And she sucked my huge fucking cock and it gave me the strength to fight Naruto's mega-mech, and I transformed into my huge, Mystical Shibopanese blue dragon form. "ROARRRHHHHHHH! NOW, LET'S FIGHT!"

Back down at the (obviously lower) roof, Sakura was jaking (geddit) off to the cat girls. "Mmm… You girls are so hot in your leather suits and shit."

"Hmm? How about we abuse _you_?" the lead cat girl turned to face her.

"FUCK YEAH!" Sakura replied, and they began to whip her. "Ugh… Ohh… Yes… Ahh… Fucking hell… You fuckin' leather whores… Yeah… That's fucking right… You fucking fuck, fuck me… You fucking cat sluts… Mmm… YESSSSS!"

But then Taliana showed up! "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! YOU MAY HAVE GOTTEN MADARA FOR NOW, BUT YOU HAVEN'T GOT ME YET!"

"NO! NOT YOU! RONAN, SAVE ME!"

From the tower, I heard her.

"Oh my Got, no! Sakura! I'm coming!"

"WHERE ARE YOU GOING? WE MUST FIGHT, YOU FUCKING POSER CHICKEN FAG!"

"YOU DON'T CALL ME A FAG! RAAAAHHHH! And didn't you just try to back the fuck out on me moments ago because I'm too powerful for you?" And we fought each other off the tower and fell back onto the lower roof where Sakura was and started to roll around and fight.

"RONAN! YOU CAME! HELP, TALIANA IS EVIL! AHHHHHHH!"

"I MUST DEFEAT NARUTO FIRST, YOU BITCH! NOW SHUT THE FUCK UP!" And I kept on fighting Naruto. We kept rolling around the roof, but then the cat girls attacked Taliana!

 ** _-3_** ** _rd_** ** _Person POV Switch-_**

Back in the council room, the council was watching our huge, epic battle on a screen. "Hmm… I see this battle is very difficult. Hahaha," said one of the women who had a sexy, cougar voice. "Mmm… That Ronan is very hot. Let's make out, bitch." And the two women of the council started to make out and finger each other's cunts, and pussy juice pooled on the floor.

"Mm… you whores need to stop and pay attention to the battle!" said one of the men, but a phone rang! It was the EVIL EXECUTIVE OF KIBUSI CORPORATION! (Kibusi is a big corporation in Shiboobi; they don't show it in the manga or anime, but they do in this story okay.)

"Council, I have received your directions on what to do if the stupid Ronan survives the big, epic battle."

"Yes. You will do it. Correct. You will sabotage the _Shiboobi_ movie theater, right?" The man visibly cringed at the new name of the kingdom's capital city.

"Yes, I will," the president of Kibusi Corp. clucked.

"Good, very good." But then another call came! It was the president of the US!

"MUAHAHAHAHAHA! I have helped set the evil capitalist scheme in place! America will be made great again; America will rule the world because we are evil," the president declared. Everybody laughed evilly. "MUAHHAHAHA MUAHAHHAA! MUAHAHSHASHASHASHA!"

 ** _-Back to the Roof-_**

"OOOGH! UGH! YES!" The catgirls were crawling into Taliana's cunt and making her pour cum! "Oooohh… Ahh… You have defeated me! Never mind, I will not attack."

"Yes, but hurry, Ronan! Defeat Naruto!" And I kept fighting him in dragon form and finally, I knocked him out of the mega. "ROARRRRR! NARUTO, YOU ARE ABOUT TO GET IT! AHHHHH!" And I went out of my form and we began to punch and kick, but then he accidentally fell off the roof and lightning struck him! He was dead!

"AHHHHH THIS IS BAD; I'M DEAD! AHHHHH!" And he fell a million feet to his death! The evil Ronan(?) was dead. Everyone cheered at his defeat and subsequent death!

"YES, WE WON! I KNEW WE WOULD!" said Sakura.

"Mm... Master, let's leaveth!" The lead cat girl said, maintaining some vestiges of her Ye Olde Butcherede Englishe speech as a holdover of her time as Madara's slave. But then, Madara and Taliana woke up!

"RAHHH! THIS IS NOT OVER!" yelled Madara. Then a box in the building burst through the roof! It was a gray, floating house-box-thing and the council was in it- their voices came from the inside! Madara and Taliana hung onto it as it flew away. "HOPE YOU ENJOY THE SURPRISE! NUAAHGAHAHAHHA!" Then the lair blew up! FLASH, BAM, ALAKAZAM! HUGE EXPLOSIONS EVERYWHERE FOR HOURS! But we were okay, and so were all the catgirls. "Let's go guys, okay? Let's go and celebrate… WITH A MOVIE AT THE SHIBOOBI MOVIE THEATER!"

 **XXXXXXXXX69XXXXXXXXX**

 _AN: END OF CHAPTER 26 AND THE EPIC BATTLE WITH NARUTO! LOTS OF REALLY GREAT STUFF TO COME, AND I WILL TRY TO POST ANOTHER CHAPTER TOMORROW NIGHT, BUT SADLY I MIGHT HAVE TO CELEBRATE MOTHER'S DAY WITH MY STEPMOM AND THEN MY COOL REAL MOM. ANYWAY, GUYS, I HAVE TO GO TO BED. I'M SO EDGY THAT I GO TO BED ONE MINUTE AFTER MY 8PM BEDTIME. SO GOODFUCKINGBYE._

* * *

Jimmy's Note: Yes, a guy can be bus-sexual. It's a paraphilia referred to as mechanophilia, which is a sexual attraction to machines such as bicycles, motor vehicles including buses, helicopters, ships, and aeroplanes. In fact, an American named Edward Smith [no relation to me] admitted to 'having sex' with 1000 cars in 2008. In 2013, a British man was caught having sex with his Land Rover in public. So, the idea of a guy having sex with a bus isn't too far of a stretch either.

I know that Obama was still the president during the time this fic was originally written, but come to think about it, it is actually more in-character for Trump to have this kind of agenda than Obama. Unless, by some stroke of foresight and fridge brilliance on Jake/Aaron's part, he _predicted_ that Trump would be the next POTUS. Also, despite Trump and Jake having similar misogynist, perverted personalities, Jake would most likely be _anti-Trump_ based on his extreme-left political alignment and general hatred of capitalism. As for me, I personally am also anti-Trump and have Social Liberalism political values. But even if you are pro-Trump, as long as you aren't an asshole to me, aren't a misogynist/misandrist, a homophobe/heterophobe, a racist… you know the drill, we can be friends. I understand that you probably, most likely, have your own reasons for supporting Trump that have nothing to do with me personally.

Coincidentally, it was Mother's Day 2017 when this chapter was published.


	27. Chapter 27: The Movie Theater

Jimmy's Note: Trigger warning for Jake saying that it's impossible for a woman to rape a man, and that men always enjoy sex. I should know; this is, or was, a personal trigger for me. Ditto for poor Blake Langermann, who was raped by Val. Kudos to Red Barrels for not presenting female-on-male sexual harassment and rape as fanservice and for presenting it as the horrifying experience that it actually is. But if you have made it this far into the fic, then TWs are probably rendered moot by now. But as always, **VIOWER EXCRETION STRONLY ADVISD**.

* * *

 _AN: OKAY, SO I NOTICED I HAD MORE FLAMERS AND I WAS GONNA REPLY TO THEM, BUT I THINK I'LL DO THAT ON THE NEXT CHAPTER, NOT HERE, SINCE THIS IS LONG ALREADY. OKAY, HERE:_

 _Okay, so mother's day was very cool, but stupid, too. I got to see my real mom, who's not a stupid fucking bitch like my stepmom. Did you know my real mom had Landon and Matthew [they're twins though they don't look alike] when she was 14 and my dad was 17? She's really cool; she lets me smoke cigs at her house and drink, too. My stepmom won't let me do that because she's stupid, anyway. I told my real mom that my stepmom said it was a very bad thing that I was havin' sex at 13 and that I wasn't mature enough, too. Well, my real mom said that my stepmom is just an old hag. [My stepmom is, like, 41 or something] and probably has a really tight pussy and is jealous. LOL MOM, YOU ROCK! Anyway, my dad MADE me buy a gift for my stepmom. Ugh. I hated having to waste money on that fucking bitch, so I just went to the dollar store and got her a dollar candle. XD I bet she liked that; she's a girl, after all. Anyway, Benji was stupid and got her some antique things and tickets for them both to see something called_ The Real Inspector Hound _. LOL, fucking stupid loser Benji._

 _I know I said I'm not gonna reply to the flamers in this chapter's author's notes, but… anyway, to the flamers: to =amdparadyse, you suck. My story is good, so fuck the fuck off. AND TO YOU, DRAGONHUNTER, you just talk and talk, but you don't know me! I HAVE LOTS OF TALENT; YOU DON'T, THOUGH! THERE'S A PLOT; IT'S ABOUT MADARA BEING EVIL AND TRYING TO KILL RONAN! Guys cannot! Don't you geddit? If you have sex with another dude, you're gay! Everyone knows that. Women can't rape men; guys love sex always, duh. Because believing makes you stupid, duh. People who believe are really stupid. I'm tired of arguing. RAHHH! The cougar is an inspiration to us all; you just don't get it! To radiostoopes, why do you talk like that? Are you British or something? Anyway, my writing isn't that bad; I don't type like that; you don't fucking get me! And yes, I can read my story fine; it's just you flamers that can't, but I have lots of fans that can, like chrompeltah. I bet you don't have fans LOSER! I'LL NOT TAKE THIS DOWN; IT'S ONE OF THE BEST FICS ON FFN, OKAY!_

 _NOW FOR THE STORY!_

 **XXXXXXXXX69XXXXXXXXX**

 **CHAPTER 27: THE MOVIE THEATER**

As we walked to the movie theater, Sakura told a joke to us. When I say 'us', I mean me and the catgirls, you see. "Lol, guys, have you heard this one? It's great."

"Okay, yes," I said.

"What did the flamers say to the fanfic writer?"

"I dunno; what is it, Sakura?" I asked.

"You suck!"

"Haha… But then what?"

She then said back to me, "Well then, the fanfic writer said back, you guys need to stop smoking; it's bad for you!"

I laughed my ass off. "I get it, because the flamers are called flamers, and flames have smoke. That's funny!" I laughed very hotly.

"I knew you'd love it, baby," Sakura said, and we kissed sexually then. When we got to the movie theater, we saw that they were doing a movie marathon of the King of Shiboobi's favorite movies, and I'M THE KING OF SHIBOOBI! They were playing _The Boondock Saints_ , as well as the _Zeitgeist_ movies, _Transformers 2_ , and _I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell_ , and also _Knocked Up_ and _Religulous_ and _Gummo_. (Those are some of my favorite movies; they are so fucking good- the best movies. Oh, and Harmony Korine rocks! He is such a rebel, like me.)

"Hello, you must pay the money, assholes," said the loser who worked at the front of the theater.

"Umm, no, I won't! I refuse to support the American capitalist agenda!" I said, AND THEN PUNCHED THE GLASS THROUGH AND HE FELL BACK, HITTING HIS HEAD. HE WAS HURT, AND we went into the theater and all sat down. The catgirls were purring hotly as the movies began to play, and everybody was so horny, including me. "Mmm… catgirls, I think it's time to fuck, bitches!" And we all started to fuck in the theater. The catgirls had to poop, and the pooped all over the carpeted floor, and we rolled around in it and began to fuck, even if I have said that we had already started fucking earlier than this. I whipped their pussies with my cock, and rammed them hard like a truck.

"Ugh, you fucking take it, you fucking catgirl sluts." I moaned. They all started to shove their tails into Sakura, and I sucked on their cat ears; it was so fucking hot, but then, in the middle of our big fuckfest, a man came on the screen! Except he was in the shadows (like Todd in the Shadows. LMAO I love that guy! Not in _that_ way, you gay porn loving pervs! He's so smart and hates modern music like me. Fuck Lady Gaga!) and we couldn't really see him, but we could tell he was very evulz!

"HELLO RONAN AND SAKURA! AND THE SEXY LEATHER PUSSIES! I HAVE A MESSAGE FOR YOU ALL! I AM HEAD OF THE KIBUSI CORPORATION, AND I AM EVIL AND DO NOT LIKE YOU ALL! MADARA AND I ARE IN LEAGUE AS WELL AS… THE PRESIDENT OF THE U.S.A. AND THE… I- I CANNOT MENTION THEIR NAME TO YOU ALL YET. BUT I WILL SAY THAT I AM IN LEAGUE WITH TWO ORGANIZATIONS THAT ARE MUCH BIGGER THAN ANY OF YOU! YOU WILL NEVER BELIEVE WHO THEY ARE! NOW, ONTO _MY_ PLAN FOR YOU! DIE!" And then the screen blew the fuck up and we had to run out very _slowly_ as the theater blew up hugely, but then when we were outside, I realized that most of the catgirls were still inside!

"NOOOOOOOOOOO! WWWWHHHHHHYYYYYYYYY!? WHAT THE FUCK!?" I screamed.

The main catgirl came out. "Yes, I am so sad that 150 catgirls died, and now only me and nine others are left. It's very horrible! Their names are Katie (hey baby, love ya, you fucking skanky ass bitch-whore!), Tina (girl, you be hot, too!), Lezbiana (got it guys? haha!) Tashimahasu, Moshitaniba, Gojinamashi, Candy, Yosan-gweezu, and Sexita. My name is actually Zoshiyanahasu-itakamajiduonisaabozai-equanidafutara, but most people call me Becky."

"Well, Becky, you are very hot and so are all your catgirl minions! Now, let's go home to the dojo!"

So we went home to the dojo and all the catgirls got settled into their new home, but then I got a vision from the cougar! "RONAN, DARK AND MYSTERIOUS TIMES LIE AHEAD! YOU MUST FACE THEM WITH BRAVERY AND SEXINESS! SO MUST THAT BITCH SAKURA! OH, RONAN, BY THE WAY, I'M VERY HORNY. LET'S FUCK!"

So, the cougar's ghost head flew downstairs and flew into Sakura's leaking, steamy pussy.

"OOH~! OOH! AHHHEEEEEEEEE!" Sakura screamed as the cougar licked her pussy and went inside her body all around and then Sakura's stomach got swollen like it was pregnant; the cougar's head was in there.

"Oh, Got… Ahh... I HAVE TO FUCKING POOP!" And then she turned around and her buttyhole opened, and the cougar's head flew out and landed on my dick, and then I fucked Sakura's butt with the cougar's head still on my dick while the cougar licked the sides of Sakura's butt. Finally, Sakura cummed as the catgirls watched behind us and jerked their _cocks_ sexily.

"UGH… UGH! I'M CUMMING!" yelled Sakura, and just then, the cougar revealed that being inside someone's body while they cummed was the secret to her returning to the earth. She would fuse herself with Sakura's body, more specifically her butt, as Sakura came, and they became one!

"I HAVE BECOME A PART OF YOU, SAKURA!" The cougar's head was between Sakura's butt cheeks whenever the cougar needed to talk to us.

"Oh my Got; that's great! You're back!" And then we WENT TO BED! That needed to be emphasized!

 ** _-Back at the Council-_**

"The movie theater plan did not work! No! How is this possible!?"

"I don't not know," said the head of Kibusi Corporation, responding to one of the female council workers.

"So that means you _do_ know," the female council member glared at him suspiciously, and then one of the male council members said, "The plan was foolproof! It should've worked! It was perfect, yet failed. HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE!? YOU HAVE FAILED US! TO DEATH WITH YOU!" And the head of Kibusi Corporation was killed.

"You council guys, mayeth I be-eth of assistance?" said Madara, who was weak and wounded and lying on the ground in the black council box room.

"Well, you have failed us before, but you're all we got left now! You and Taliana… AFTER RONAN AND SAKURA AND THE CATGIRLS! THEY SHALL DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

 **XXXXXXXXX69XXXXXXXXX**

 _AN: END OF CHAPTER 27! VERY EXCITING STUFF CUMMING IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS. CAN'T WAIT FOR YOU GUYS TO READ. OH MY GOT; WOW, THAT'S FANTASTIC; YES!_

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Jimmy's Note: Admittedly, I laughed at the joke, not at it per se, but at the cringeworthy way it was originally written, and the fact that it contradicts Jake saying it's cool that his mom allows him to smoke cigs at her house. I know it's a trollfic, but if that kind of laugh is what the trollfic writer is trying to get out of this, he surely got it.

Ironically, Harmony Korine directed the video clip _Needed Me_ by Rihanna which was released on April 21, 2016. In the same year, Korine directed a _Supreme_ commercial starring rapper Gucci Mane (who had previously appeared in _Spring Breakers_ ), and appeared in the music video for Gucci Mane and Travis Scott's single _Last Time._ So much for being a rebel. He's become a sell-out who panders to capitalism and Top 40 musicians, two [or 41] things that 'Jake' hates. Also, Todd in the Shadows does not necessarily hate modern music; in fact he does have a list of the _best songs of 20XX_ done every year. He mentions that he does like some songs from modern acts such as Lil Wayne, Beyoncé, and even _Chris Brown_ , even though he does also state his _loathing_ for the lattermost as a person rather than as an artist.

And now that it's known that this fic is a trollfic, Becky, the main catgirl's nickname, may be a shoutout to _Forbiden Fruit: The Tempation of Edward Cullen_ , which was written by one BeckyMac666, and stars her Mary Sue self-insert, Altantiana Rebekah Loren, or Tiaa for short. And a series of trollfics published in 2014 called the _MRA Trilogy_ stars a Mary Sue named Rebecca Christiana Jasmina Xaila Rodrigues Diogo Velazquez, or Bekie for short.

Certainly, the catgirl's ridiculous, over-the-top, Japanese-sounding real name is meant to parody young/inexperienced writers who give their characters exotic, lengthy names in order for them to stand out. For trollfic writers, it is also a way to stump dramatic readers. I should know; I was personally guilty of this as well, but in the former sense of wanting the character's name to sound badass in earnest. One of my first main characters/Gary Stus for a long-discarded high fantasy story, which was in fact the predecessor of my science fiction original fic _Men of No Color,_ was named _Zakkary_ _Alexandre Maximillian Devin-Safer Ivanovich,_ Alex or Zack for short. Only, I preferred Russian/English/European-sounding names over Japanese-sounding names, most likely because of the Filipino zeitgeist of generalized Europhilia and Americophilia. [Still do actually; I have current-work OCs named _Aleksandr_ and _Zachary,_ both from _Set Me Free,_ another original fic. My _Fallout: New Vegas_ character is named zachary, spelled that way, with no uppercase letters, because of his backstory as a literature buff who liked e e cummings's poetry, as well as a sign of modesty on his part as a good-karma courier even after he became the new ruler of an independent New Vegas. Coincidentally, his husband and co-ruler, Arcade Gannon, is voiced by _Zachary_ Levi.] And I've always liked the names Alexander and Zachary for some reason.


End file.
